Lets Make Some Silly Magic Items!

Oversquid

First Post
Stoned Horse

Each item of this nature appears to be a fullsized, roughly hewn statue of a horse, carved from some type of hard stone. A command word brings the steed to life, enabling it to carry a burden and even to attack as if it were a real horse of the appropriate kind.

A stoned horse can carry 1,000 pounds tirelessly and never needs to rest, but is ALWAYS looking to feed. Damage dealt to it can be repaired by first using a stone to flesh spell, thus causing the stone horse to become a normal horse that can be healed normally. When fully healed, it automatically reverts to its stones form. While in its stone form, it can be fed large bags of marble chips, healing 1 point of damage for each 50 gp worth of mineral it is given. On command, it emits a fragrant cloud of smoke that provides partial cover and improves the mood of all within it (+2 Cha mod).

There are two sorts of stoned horses.

Courser
This item has the statistics of a heavy horse as well as having hardness 10, but moves at half speed regardless of load or commands to go faster.

Destrier
This item has the statistics of a heavy warhorse as well as having hardness 10, but moves at half speed regardless of load or commands to go faster
Then theres the Stoned Horse. This makes my inner 8th grader chuckle.
 

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Silver Moon

Adventurer
Candle of Kobolds: Once lit, in 3 to 8 round (1d6+2) that number of angry armed kobolds appear within twenty feet of the candle. They will attack any non-Kobold present. Another Kobold appears every round thereafter that the candle remains lit. Putting out the candle will only prevent more from appearing, those already present remain. A total of 200 kobolds are trapped within the magical candle.
 

mkill

Adventurer
Gauntlets of Dwarf Tossing
Allow you to throw a dwarf 3d6 squares if you manage to grab one by the neck.

Shield of Spell Reflection
Shield with a mirror surface, but only spells show a reflection in the mirror.
(That is, you can see the fireball coming in the shield, but it doesn't throw it back at the caster. It's not entirely useless, though - since it shows only spell, it's a powerful tool to discern illusions)

Wand of Pie Fights
Charged with 3d20 pie attacks. (Ranged basic attack - no damage, target takes -2 to attacks for 1 round, blind on critical)

Enchanted Chain Mail Bikini
Functionally identical to bracers of armor.

Bowling Ball
1/encounter
Treat as burst 1 (3x3 squares) area attack within 10 squares, knocks targets prone

+1 Bohemian Ear Spoon
Ok, it's a standard magic halberd, but the name is funny.

Ring of the Air Lute
Let's you create music at the wave of a finger.

Spelling Bee
An enchanted brooch that gives a +4 bonus to spelling checks.

Announcer Golem
A magic construct with a +25 bonus to initiative. It uses its first action in each combat to announce its owner in a booming voice, then teleports to safety.
 

Dannyalcatraz

Schmoderator
Staff member
Supporter
+1 Bohemian Ear Spoon

Is this a real spear?
Is this just fantasy?
Somebody's fiction
Or based in reality
Open your eyes,
Look up to the skies and see,
I'm just a poor boy, I have no shield with me,
Because I'm easy come, easy go,
Head held high, status low,
Any way the war flows doesn't really matter to
me, to meeeeeeee

Mama,
I just killed a man...
 

Dannyalcatraz

Schmoderator
Staff member
Supporter
THE SHOPPING MAUL

This is a sentient, talking +3 Maul of Dancing (CG, Int 15, Wis 15, Cha18) made of alchemical gold (see Magic of Faerun). However, whenever it's owner goes into a bazaar or marketplace after a successful adventure, it will fly away on its own volition until it finds a merchant who has something for sale that will cost at least 80% of what its owner gained on the adventure. It WILL haggle. It cannot be moved from the merchant's presence until:

1) the merchant will not drop his or her price on the item in question to 50% of what its owner gained on the last adventure and the bargaining ceases

OR

2) the Maul's owner purchases the item being haggled over, regardless of price.
 


Dannyalcatraz

Schmoderator
Staff member
Supporter
GIRDLE OF MALACOLOGY/FLAMABILITY

When worn, imbues its wearer with the knowledge of how to fire-grill any mollusk to perfection.
 

Dannyalcatraz

Schmoderator
Staff member
Supporter
DUDE'S VESTMENTS

This light garment is worn over normal clothing or armor. Most such vestments are brown or blue, embroidered with "crazy-weed" or rainbow-colored bear motifs. When this item is worn by a character withou the wild shape ability, the character thinks he can use that ability one time each day. In reality, he just stands there and goes "Whooooooahhh...."

When he does this, no creature except members of The Watch will attack him for 1d4 rounds.
 

Dannyalcatraz

Schmoderator
Staff member
Supporter
BAG OF TROGS

This small sack appears normal and empty. However, anyone reaching into the bag feels a small, scaly ball. If the ball is removed and tossed up to 20 feet away, it turns into a troglodyte with a lute. The Trog serves the character who drew it from the bag for 10 minutes (or until slain or ordered back into the bag), by playing "Wild Thing", "With a Girl Like You", and "Love Is All Around" on its lute, after which it disappears. The Trog can only be ordered to play or not play the songs. It responds to the name "Reg."

If attacked, it will use its lute as an improvised weapon before resorting to its natural weapons. If killed, it will disappear in a puff of noxious troglodyte stench. All living creatures (except troglodytes) within 30 feet of where it disappeared must succeed on a DC 13 Fortitude save or be sickened for 10 rounds. The save DC is Constitution-based. Creatures that successfully save cannot be affected by Reg’s stench for 24 hours. A delay poison or neutralize poison spell removes the effect from the sickened creature. Creatures with immunity to poison are unaffected, and creatures resistant to poison receive their normal bonus on their saving throws.
 
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steeldragons

Steeliest of the dragons
Epic
Hat of Disguise...-ing Hats. At the mental command of the wearer, this drag floppy hat will change to appear to be any kind of headwear. It does nothing to alter the wearer's appearance, hair, or other dress or armor, simply changes itself.
 

Split the Hoard


Split the Hoard
Negotiate, demand, or steal the loot you desire!

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