Let's Write a Bad Module
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lukelightning
First Post
Oops, I think we forgot to include an epic or near-epic level wizard at the beginning who send the party off to risk getting killed even though he could take care of all the problems (bandits, monsters, threat to the universe, whatever) in about 15 minutes of work.
Nomad4life
First Post
Conaill said:Ooh... we're gonna need some playtesters!
…To ENSURE the lack of quality of the product!
StupidSmurf
First Post
Qlippoth said:
Hahaha...nice! Alas it's not an allusion to Gen Con, but it IS a good-natured takeoff on something from TSR. Just not sayin' what...kind of obscure, and may simply be my own perspective!
Wraith Form
Explorer
The Temple-ish Churchlike Fane of the Synogogue Inside the Fane of the Terrible Fanekeeper
This encounter is meant to be a challenge for the players, so be sure to carefully describe every detail. Linger seductively, passionately--obsessively--on the great amount of difficulty they'll be experiencing completing this horrifically complex encounter. It's tough.
I'm not kidding.
[boxed text]
Before you stands a church. Well, it's more like a temple. OK, maybe a cathedral. Anyway, it's big.
Really big.
Dangerously big, for a temple.
But it's not a temple, it's a fane, so don't even think about describing it as a mosque. Or a church. Or anything like a chapel or chantry. This is a fane, dammit, and not a tabernacle or basilica.
Anyway, this fane is big and scary and has a fanekeeper inside. What's a "fanekeeper"? It's kinda like a priest. 'Cept different. His name is Mohnte. And he guards this churc...see? There you go, making me all confused. I almost said church, which this structure is most definitely NOT. It's a fane. Not a vestry. But a fane.
Spell it with me. F-A-N-E. Eff, ay, enn, ee. Fane.
Well, Mohnte gurards this dangerously, ridiculously huge building. Did I mention it's black? Yeah, the blocks of stone it's built of are black. Not "ebon" or "dusky" or even "obsidian". It's a black sacristry...NO! FANE! Man, you get me all mixed up. It's a black fane, and Mohnte guards it menacingly in his menacing kinda way. And it's scary. Don't you feel scared? All, like, oooOOOOooooOOOOOooooooo and stuff.
[end boxed text]
If the characters approach Mohnte, he'll glare loomingly over them and his fanbo--err, followers will begin chanting "Mohn-te, Mohn-te" in the background.
(Did I fail to mention the fanb....ahh, followers? Yeah, they're behind him in the halls of the temple. Uh, fane, I mean. And they're all, like, "Mohnte? Yeah, he's the d00d." But when they say it, it's scary and all, like, "grr" and stuff.)
Their chanting rises to a fevered pitch, getting louder and louder until the characters are forced to roll Will vs. Death Magic at a -19 penalty or suffer the effects of a charm that makes them go out and buy every Malhavoc Press book to be found.
Mohnte, Epic 34th level gestalt half-demon/half-pixie ECL 4 polymorphed dire owlbear (with "Xeq" PrC), THAC0 44, weilding legacy Intelligent flaming riding crop of corruption +3.14159
And he loves BBQ.
....And don't get me started on the Orc & Pi room.
This encounter is meant to be a challenge for the players, so be sure to carefully describe every detail. Linger seductively, passionately--obsessively--on the great amount of difficulty they'll be experiencing completing this horrifically complex encounter. It's tough.
I'm not kidding.
[boxed text]
Before you stands a church. Well, it's more like a temple. OK, maybe a cathedral. Anyway, it's big.
Really big.
Dangerously big, for a temple.
But it's not a temple, it's a fane, so don't even think about describing it as a mosque. Or a church. Or anything like a chapel or chantry. This is a fane, dammit, and not a tabernacle or basilica.
Anyway, this fane is big and scary and has a fanekeeper inside. What's a "fanekeeper"? It's kinda like a priest. 'Cept different. His name is Mohnte. And he guards this churc...see? There you go, making me all confused. I almost said church, which this structure is most definitely NOT. It's a fane. Not a vestry. But a fane.
Spell it with me. F-A-N-E. Eff, ay, enn, ee. Fane.
Well, Mohnte gurards this dangerously, ridiculously huge building. Did I mention it's black? Yeah, the blocks of stone it's built of are black. Not "ebon" or "dusky" or even "obsidian". It's a black sacristry...NO! FANE! Man, you get me all mixed up. It's a black fane, and Mohnte guards it menacingly in his menacing kinda way. And it's scary. Don't you feel scared? All, like, oooOOOOooooOOOOOooooooo and stuff.
[end boxed text]
If the characters approach Mohnte, he'll glare loomingly over them and his fanbo--err, followers will begin chanting "Mohn-te, Mohn-te" in the background.
(Did I fail to mention the fanb....ahh, followers? Yeah, they're behind him in the halls of the temple. Uh, fane, I mean. And they're all, like, "Mohnte? Yeah, he's the d00d." But when they say it, it's scary and all, like, "grr" and stuff.)
Their chanting rises to a fevered pitch, getting louder and louder until the characters are forced to roll Will vs. Death Magic at a -19 penalty or suffer the effects of a charm that makes them go out and buy every Malhavoc Press book to be found.
Mohnte, Epic 34th level gestalt half-demon/half-pixie ECL 4 polymorphed dire owlbear (with "Xeq" PrC), THAC0 44, weilding legacy Intelligent flaming riding crop of corruption +3.14159
And he loves BBQ.
....And don't get me started on the Orc & Pi room.
Last edited:
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