Let's Write a Bad Module

[Mark CMG]

(Sprinkle in references to an insert that, of course, won't be included.)

 

[StupidSmurf]

Suggested back cover copy:

The Best-Loved, Finest Plot Elements Characteristic of Classic D&D Adventures!!!!!!!!

...will not be found between these covers.

The Only Adventure To Truly Evoke Images of Tolkein, Lewis, and LeGuin!

...if they all had gone on a drug-crazed drinking binge and decided that they hated the world.

This Adventure Can Truly Be Called 'Unforgettable'!

...as can the Black Death, the Spanish Inquisition, the sinking of the Titanic, and "Gigli".

Your Players Will Be Challenged!

...to not beat the DM to death and/or get violently and copiously ill.

A Scenario That United The Top Names In The Industry!

...for the purpose of issuing a press release stating their intent to take legal action if this thing ever sees the light of day.

Truly A Special Work...

...if we're using the "short bus and hockey equipement despite lack of sports participation" definition of "special."

Summary: Two kingdoms, one good and one bad, are somehow involved in this adventure. Rescue a princess. Go into a lot of rooms. Do things. Try not to get killed. Get stuff. Repeat as necessary.

Disclaimer: The producers of this adventure take no legal responsibility for any harm inflicted on the DM, his family, and/or his household pets, nor any damage sustained to the host's residence. This product is sold "as is", and not to be taken internally. May cause widespread lynchings and mass resignations from gaming.

 

[kenobi65]

The Hall of Mirrors

You enter a square room, 70 feet on a side. Mirrors line all of the walls.

The mirrors closest to the entry door are all mirrors of opposition. The mirrors do not function until the last party member enters the room, at which point the door slams shut, and the mirrors immediately produce an "evil twin" of each PC (even if the PCs are specifically trying to not look at the mirrors). These "evil twins" all have goatees, signifying their evil status. The "evil twin" of the party's leader wears a gold vest and a sash around his waist, in addition to duplicates of all that PC's equipment. All female "evil twins" wear short skirts, exposed midriffs, and thigh-high boots concealing daggers...and they have goatees, too. If a PC has an evil alignment, his "evil twin" has an even eviller alignment.

Oh, and each "evil twin" is two levels higher than the PC it's a copy of, just to make this a challenge.

The "evil twins" will immediately attack the PCs.

As the combat begins, the PCs will be able to hear disembodied voices, excitedly commenting on the melee, and placing bets with one another ("Fifty quatloos on the goateed fighter!").

The only way to escape this room is to defeat all of the "evil twins". At that point, read the following to the players:

The mirrors all shatter, but even then, there's only featureless stone walls behind them. You hear one of the disembodied voices:
"Well, damn, that didn't work like I hoped. Get rid of this group, and get us a new set, Igor."

Another voice answers: "Yes, master!"

Suddenly, the floor opens beneath your feet, and you plummet into darkness.

Treasure: None, unless a PC decides to kill a fellow party member.

 

[StupidSmurf]

The mirrors closest to the entry door are all mirrors of opposition. The mirrors do not function until the last party member enters the room, at which point the door slams shut, and the mirrors immediately produce an "evil twin" of each PC (even if the PCs are specifically trying to not look at the mirrors). These "evil twins" all have goatees, signifying their evil status. If a PC has an evil alignment, his "evil twin" has an even eviller alignment.

Oh, and each "evil twin" is two levels higher than the PC it's a copy of, just to make this a challenge.

The "evil twins" will immediately attack the PCs.

As the combat begins, the PCs will be able to hear disembodied voices, excitedly commenting on the melee, and placing bets with one another ("Fifty quatloos on the goateed fighter!").

The only way to escape this room is to defeat all of the "evil twins". At that point, read the following to the players:



Treasure: None, unless a PC decides to kill a fellow party member.

QUESTION: I like the goatee thing, but are there any other classic symptoms of evil? For instance, does the evil version of the party leader now wear a sash around his waist and a gold vest? And do all of the women now have short skirts, exposed midriffs, and thigh-high boots with a dagger in them? Do all the "evils" get black hats?

 

[Nomad4life]

QUESTION: I like the goatee thing, but are there any other classic symptoms of evil? For instance, does the evil version of the party leader now wear a sash around his waist and a gold vest? And do all of the women now have short skirts, exposed midriffs, and thigh-high boots with a dagger in them? Do all the "evils" get black hats?

Well yeah… But that’s like saying “the NPC has two arms and two legs.” The players would just automatically assume that these elements are there, along with the “Thug Life” tattoos and insurance agency business cards.

 

[moritheil]

69. Charimain Mao

Charimain Mao sits here, on a broad red bench. He has a book and a calligraphy kit opened on the bench next to him. The bench is not surprised.

Upon seeing you, he looks up and fixes you with a piercing gaze. (SA: Piercing gaze, 3d6 damage, Ref DC 29 for half.) Charimain Mao will insist that you address him in his native tongue as "Charimain." Roll 1d6 for any player that accidentally refers to him as "Chairman" instead; on a 1, 2, 3, 4, or 6, he fixes you with a piercing gaze, and insists that you refer to him properly. Lightning crackles overhead as this occurs (even if the group is inside.)

The calligraphy kit is actually a pet mimic (see the mimic stats in Appendix 8). It will not attack Charimain Mao, but it attacks the players if they attempt to handle it. If any of the group have 500 or more ranks in Knowledge (esoteric), are wearing white, facing south, and are under three feet tall, they identify the mimic's Secret Name, "Rofl." Pronunciation of this secret name causes the mimic's allegiance to shift. It will accompany the group until they enter Area 54.

Charimain Mao loves BBQ.

 

[kenobi65]

QUESTION: I like the goatee thing, but are there any other classic symptoms of evil? For instance, does the evil version of the party leader now wear a sash around his waist and a gold vest? And do all of the women now have short skirts, exposed midriffs, and thigh-high boots with a dagger in them? Do all the "evils" get black hats?

Sure, why not? The more tired plot devices, the better. Encounter has been edited to "make it so."

 

[Turanil]

Just you are not taken by surprise: I am stopping here collecting encounter descriptions. And I didn't collect all the thread. Also, I will modify almost everything at my whims. So, those who want the real thing should do it on their own...

Then, I have begun to draw inane pics to put into the PDF. I already have a nice ( ) cover illustration that I did when I was a student and got me a bad notation. Next I draw maps. Then, I do the layout with Indesign. And then... In a couple of months... in 2007... Oh well.

Sorry, I didn't respect the thread.

 

[Tharen the Damned]

THE TIDES OF WAR
DM'S INTRODUCTION

There is a war brewing between the forces of Good and Evil. To the west are the armies of the Kingdom of Tuman, who are good. They would not think of doing evil. To the north are the armies of the Kingdom of Hant, who are evil. They are neither good nor neutral, and are generally thought to be evil and despicable. These kingdoms have a long-standing dislike for one another, and are not on diplomatic terms. They are at war, but are not currently fighting and not at peace.

The people of Tuman are known as the Goodfolk and are warm and generous. They wear pointy hats to brunch and have apples on occasion. They like clowns and barbecue, which is hated by the Hant. All of their cities on the southern coast are ruled by minor nobles, all of whom are fishermen. There is a lake in the southwest which is thought to be haunted. There is a great deal of logging in the north. The King of Tuman, Sheldeon, is gracious and would never send his people into battle except against their hated enemies or anyone invading their kingdom, or those who would insult the throne.

On the contrary, the people of Hant are evil. They do not wear pointy hats. The armies of Hant are known to ride horses into battle and stick their enemies with spears. Hantish armies burn down villages and kill women and children. Their footmen wield axes and do not wear heavy armor. Only footmen kill the women and children, while the horsemen are always in charge of burning down villages. King Daid of Hant likes to watch prisoners die, often torturing them to gain information. He especially likes to do this to prisoners from Tuman. Along the southern coast, Hantish cities are fortified and walled, and do not allow those from Tuman to enter.

Despite the tentative peace between Hant and Tuman, there is trouble brewing. King Daid of Hant has captured a Tumanish visitor to the city of Crumblepost, and taken her to Shardblood Castle, where all such prisoners are taken. This visitor just happens to be Lady Orvela, who is betrothed to Prince Shanor of Tuman. King Sheldeon of Tuman is worried that Lady Orvela may not be returned to Tuman or may be killed. Thus, King Sheldeon wants to convince adventurers to sneak into Crumblepost and rescue his future daughter-in-law. But the king doesn't want word to get out that Lady Orvela may be killed, so he won't tell the adventurers exactly what has transpired until after they have agreed.

There is considerable concern that if Lady Orvela is killed, King Sheldeon might start a war with Hant. This would interrupt the fishing season as well as the apple crop. There is also the matter of the Great Holiday Festival, which starts any day now. The people of Tuman look forward to this festival, and the king does not want it delayed.

The PCs, of course, are the adventurers who answer the call to duty. They must appear before Prince Nagle of Tuman and accept his quest to rescue Lady Orvela from the clutches of the evil Hant and King Daid.

EDIT: Initially, this plot made too much sense. This has been corrected.

Isn´t that the Blue Rose Setting?

 

[Yair]

These kingdoms have a long-standing dislike for one another, and are not on diplomatic terms. They are at war, but are not currently fighting and not at peace.

The sad thing is, this actually describes precisely the relations between my country and several other "kingdoms"...

I'm looking forward to seeing the completed adventure Good stuff.