Losing gamers to "relationship-land"

[blueshade]

Have any of you ever lost a gamer due to someone joining the group who was in a relationship with one of the other gamers?This happened to my group because the guy that left said he hated playing with me after months and months lying and saying that he enjoyed having me in the group. I was the newbie in the group trying it out only after the person that left had asked me to even consider it. I didn't even say yes when my boyfriend, now fiance, asked me to consider it. Why? I didn't want to be that girl who imposes on everyone. So I joined the group and after about 7 months out of the blue this guy decided to blow up and start a fight with everyone including my boyfriend, his supposed best friend, and blame everything on me. Long story short it was sad to see my loved one be treated like dirt by his so called best friend but our group is having more fun than ever now. Before this guy left a campaign only lasted 2 sessions (if even that). So long live fun in gaming!

 

[damieus]

I've had secret brooding hatreds within the gaming group if that is what you mean. For months, I tried to get a game working with these same four guys who always showed up whenever I tried to start a new campaign. There were these two guys who where always at odds and it completely tore the game apart everytime we tried it. We just kept at it. Eventually one of them moved away and the other told me that he was really glad, since he'd always hated that guy and was constantly hoping he'd get hit by a bus or lose interest in DnD or something. I was surprised since I thought we were all good buddies who just happened to have problems starting a DnD campaign and keeping it going. Then the one who moved sent me an email saying that he'd found a group in Michigan that worked out really well for him, since that ***hole <name deleted> was no longer there.

Just goes to show that what is obvious (the hatred) to some people (the hater) is not necessarily obvious to the rest of us (me, the hatee).

 

[blueshade]

Yup. That is exactly what I was talking about. It is funny that you had two guys conflicting when in our group it was just a single guy conflicting with himself. I mean it was just this one guy (the same who left) that would end the game. I think he heard voices in his head since he was the sole problem.

 

[Grim]

Just a high schooler's perspective, but if ANY of the guys in my gaming group got a date, we would literaly ban himfrom the table, so as to not jepordize his chances. Dating is a noble excuse, much better than "my rabbit had kittens", or any of the other nonsense some of my players make up. If they find a "special friend" and want to spend time with that person instead of gaming, more power to them.

(this post is in no way altered by the fact that none of the people in my group has ever been on a date.)

 

[Kilmore]

What are you talking about, Grim. It's got EVERYTHING to do with it.

Honestly, that's a chilvarous attitude and I commend you for it.

 

[mythago]

Er, it's well-meaning, but I really don't get it. Why ban the poor guy? That doesn't say much good about the potential SO ("She couldn't HANDLE the truth"?!), or about the guy's ability to cope with having both friends and a girlfriend at the same time.

 

[Grim]

well, we wouldnt actually ban him, just tell him that relationships are more important, and that we will make do without him,if thats what he wants to do.

 

[Wil]

I haven't had a chance to read the entire thread, but here's my input:

There are two sides of the coin. Is it really that the SO is being unreasonable, or is the gamer in question devoting entirely too much time to gaming or related pursuits? While there are certainly people out there who belittle things that they don't themselve enjoy, there are just as many people who take their pursuits or hobbies too far. Do you really have to do something gaming related *every day*? Play every week? Even when one isn't actively gaming, doing gaming-related things is pretty much a solo endeavor. There's very little room for interaction between my girlfriend and I when I'm working on a scenario, editing my webpage, checking forum posts, whatever. As a result, I tend to do those things when I don't have a lot of other stuff to do or when she's not around (or when she needs downtime herself). I only play once a month, because the time spent with my girlfriend and her kids is more important to me than gaming is.

While it is true that someone who cares for someone else will understand their interests and hobbies, it's a two way street - you also have to understand when interests and hobbies are of no interest to the SO and might actually be ruining their enjoyment of the relationship.