Mearls is your hostage!
- Thread starter Charwoman Gene
- Start date
Wulf Ratbane
Adventurer
As long as we're just going blue-sky, I would have kidnapped the entire rest of the team at the start of the 4e development process, and not let them out till Mearls was done.
Mustrum_Ridcully
Legend
Charwoman Gene said:
I don't like to answer to this post, since it might be constructed as me encouraging or supporting you in a criminal activity, in case, after reading enough good suggestions, you actually go and kidnap him. I can't take part in this!
BlackMoria
First Post
To hell with that.
If I got Mearls as a hostage, he is getting locked up and we are playing D&D. Any edition.
Why would I give him back for some snippet on 4e when 4e is already at the printers and will come out in due time.
As a player or DM, he's a keeper for me. WOTC would have to play a princely ransom to get him back....like provide me Monty Cook to get locked up in my basement as his replacement.
If I got Mearls as a hostage, he is getting locked up and we are playing D&D. Any edition.
Why would I give him back for some snippet on 4e when 4e is already at the printers and will come out in due time.
As a player or DM, he's a keeper for me. WOTC would have to play a princely ransom to get him back....like provide me Monty Cook to get locked up in my basement as his replacement.
deathdonut
First Post
Multiclassing, GSL, Playable Races in MM. That's my order of interest.
Drammattex
First Post
Mearls is in my dining room.
I sit him down, say "Let's throw some dice."
We pull out the graph mats, the dice, the minis, and those leatherbound 3.5 core books on my shelf. Mearls looks comfortable. He looks happy.
"Drink?" I say. "Coke? Margarita? Vino?"
Mearls asks for a can of Coke. It's less likely to have been tampered with.
We pull our chairs up to the table, and then it begins. In a couple hours, he'll be clawing the walls, trying to get out of there for the love of God. But he doesn't know that yet.
We play by the rules. We play by the exact rules, precisely as written. Mearls begs for mercy, but I will have none of it. Every grapple check, every spell component, every preposterously templated creature, situational modifier, and stackable effect. Until at last he caves.
"This is agony," says Mearls.
"This is D&D!"
"Maybe we can make some... minor adjustments, streamline a little of this endless drudgery."
I shrug. Watching Mearls squirm has its own appeal. "I have Iron Heroes," I say.
"I'm forbidden to talk about that," says Mearls. "That was another life. Another man. Besides, it would take more than Iron Heroes to save this game."
I can't help but pity him now. He has stacked his dice in a perfectly balanced vertical tower on the tabletop, and hasn't touched them once since I started calculating the effects of entangle on the couple dozen-odd orcs... half an hour ago.
"Alright, Mearls," I say. "If you're so smart, you show me how you would fix this... situation... and we'll finish the adventure on your terms. If it works, hell... If it works, I'll let you watch Battlestar Galactica."
I watch Mearls' eyes glaze over as he fantasizes about the end of the horrible, inhumane cruelty I've dragged him through. Or maybe somewhere in his mind, Caprica Six is 'doing him a favor.' I'm never quite sure. But it works.
Fifteen minutes later, the orcs are dead, the action is moving forward, and the secrets are spilling out like kobold guts on the pointy end of a sneak attack.
It's almost as good as Battlestar Galactica.
Almost.
I sit him down, say "Let's throw some dice."
We pull out the graph mats, the dice, the minis, and those leatherbound 3.5 core books on my shelf. Mearls looks comfortable. He looks happy.
"Drink?" I say. "Coke? Margarita? Vino?"
Mearls asks for a can of Coke. It's less likely to have been tampered with.
We pull our chairs up to the table, and then it begins. In a couple hours, he'll be clawing the walls, trying to get out of there for the love of God. But he doesn't know that yet.
We play by the rules. We play by the exact rules, precisely as written. Mearls begs for mercy, but I will have none of it. Every grapple check, every spell component, every preposterously templated creature, situational modifier, and stackable effect. Until at last he caves.
"This is agony," says Mearls.
"This is D&D!"
"Maybe we can make some... minor adjustments, streamline a little of this endless drudgery."
I shrug. Watching Mearls squirm has its own appeal. "I have Iron Heroes," I say.
"I'm forbidden to talk about that," says Mearls. "That was another life. Another man. Besides, it would take more than Iron Heroes to save this game."
I can't help but pity him now. He has stacked his dice in a perfectly balanced vertical tower on the tabletop, and hasn't touched them once since I started calculating the effects of entangle on the couple dozen-odd orcs... half an hour ago.
"Alright, Mearls," I say. "If you're so smart, you show me how you would fix this... situation... and we'll finish the adventure on your terms. If it works, hell... If it works, I'll let you watch Battlestar Galactica."
I watch Mearls' eyes glaze over as he fantasizes about the end of the horrible, inhumane cruelty I've dragged him through. Or maybe somewhere in his mind, Caprica Six is 'doing him a favor.' I'm never quite sure. But it works.
Fifteen minutes later, the orcs are dead, the action is moving forward, and the secrets are spilling out like kobold guts on the pointy end of a sneak attack.
It's almost as good as Battlestar Galactica.
Almost.
HP Dreadnought
First Post
Nice. LOL!!
Charwoman Gene
Adventurer
mearls not yet sighted
Expect an update tomorrow.
Expect an update tomorrow.
Charwoman Gene
Adventurer
Kheris and I were at the table with him.
We tried to kidnap him but the toad statue clearly hypmotized us.
We tried to kidnap him but the toad statue clearly hypmotized us.
ChaosShard
Explorer
S'truth!!
Then he made several polite excuses about an airplane, bribed Gene with some dungeon tiles and vanished.
Thrice-damned Eladrin game developers.....
Then he made several polite excuses about an airplane, bribed Gene with some dungeon tiles and vanished.
Thrice-damned Eladrin game developers.....
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