Warrior Poet
Explorer
This thread made my day. These are some of the funniest stories I've heard.
Thanks!
Warrior Poet
Thanks!
Warrior Poet
Most embarassing gaming moment?
- Thread starter TheEvil
- Start date
Hypersmurf
Moderatarrrrh...
Pants said:
And boy, was his fake red!
-Hyp.
squat45
First Post
Elven Name
Hope this doesn't get dinged by an admin...
I was in 7th grade or so and had a chance to play with the 'older crowd'. Rolled up a really cool elven fighter mage (1st edition rules) and was looking in the Simarillion for a cool elven name. Found one I really liked, and since he lived on the shore and was water-based, chose a name meaning Shore, Line of Surf. As I introduced my character everyone just bust out laughing and wouldn't tell me why (all a bunch of 9th - 11th graders) until a buddy of mine had me pronouce it slowly...
The character's name:
Falas Stormrider
Hope this doesn't get dinged by an admin...
I was in 7th grade or so and had a chance to play with the 'older crowd'. Rolled up a really cool elven fighter mage (1st edition rules) and was looking in the Simarillion for a cool elven name. Found one I really liked, and since he lived on the shore and was water-based, chose a name meaning Shore, Line of Surf. As I introduced my character everyone just bust out laughing and wouldn't tell me why (all a bunch of 9th - 11th graders) until a buddy of mine had me pronouce it slowly...
The character's name:
Falas Stormrider
Evilhalfling
Adventurer
I ran a game where the party mage had two rings, worn under gloves of missle snaring. At one point they were captured and imprisoned, weapons and armor were taken away but not clothing - The Mage holds up two fingers "But what about my rings?" I told him they were gone as the rest of the group bursts out laughing. It took several more repatitions of the gesture, before I finally realized Which two fingers he had held up, one from each hand.
Imperialus
Explorer
I was discribing a rather gory scene where one of the players was cutting off the head of a fallen enemy to bring back proof of his death. They had recently lost most of their good equipment and the fighter was doing the deed with a rather rusty longsword not thinking to pick up the perfectly servicable battleaxe that their enemy had been using.
"On the third blow the blade of your sword finally crunches through his spine, blood is spraying everywhere as Artimus pulls on his head tearing the last bits of muscle and tendon that hold it to the body, Lifting it up..... uhhh.... oh... Rasberry Jam starts er... ummm... dripping onto the floor and... uhh... Anna?! do you think you could get Bradly to leave the room? I don't want to be held responsible for traumatizing him."
Bradly was the 8 year old son of one of the guy who's house we play at. He had wandered into the room during my discription and I had happened to look up from my notes to see him standing at the far end of the table with eyes the size of saucers just staring at me.
Less traumatizing but no less helarious is one other time I discribed a character who had a tower shield and was inspired by the equipment and tactics of a Roman Legionnaire having a shield that looked like a Roman scrotum in his left hand.
One of my buddies turns and looks at me with a completly streight face and says, "You bloody racist! What's wrong with a Gaul's scrotum?"
"On the third blow the blade of your sword finally crunches through his spine, blood is spraying everywhere as Artimus pulls on his head tearing the last bits of muscle and tendon that hold it to the body, Lifting it up..... uhhh.... oh... Rasberry Jam starts er... ummm... dripping onto the floor and... uhh... Anna?! do you think you could get Bradly to leave the room? I don't want to be held responsible for traumatizing him."
Bradly was the 8 year old son of one of the guy who's house we play at. He had wandered into the room during my discription and I had happened to look up from my notes to see him standing at the far end of the table with eyes the size of saucers just staring at me.
Less traumatizing but no less helarious is one other time I discribed a character who had a tower shield and was inspired by the equipment and tactics of a Roman Legionnaire having a shield that looked like a Roman scrotum in his left hand.
One of my buddies turns and looks at me with a completly streight face and says, "You bloody racist! What's wrong with a Gaul's scrotum?"
Last edited:
Imperialus
Explorer
Yeah it was especially uncomfortable since no one else at the table had noticed him since I was sitting at the head. They just thought I'd lost my place in the notes along with my mind and began rambling about jam for no apparent reason.
Vraille Darkfang
First Post
Here's one from the don't drink & game advice column.
In college, 2nd ed. Running a campaign versus giants.
One of the players had been drinking a little before hand, not enough to be drunk, just enough to turn off the That's a Stupid Idea Filter.
Party's trap in a small cave with no exit & a bunch of giants outside waiting for them to come out. (Their own fault, charging in screaming eat this! Ain't the best way to sneak up on frost giants).
So, the frost giant shaman offers to spare their lives if they come out (life of slavery in the mines). Party decides that gives them the better chance of survival, they'll get a chance to escape eventually.
Drinking Guy (Let's call him RC) says: "Wait, what about our stuff? I don't want to lose my Ring of Wizardry!" Party them begins to argue. Trying to find a way to not give all their magic stuff to the frost giants. Predominate theory is to bury it there & come back for it later. Then, out of the blue....
RC: "Wait! I've got a bag of holding! We can put all our magic items in the bag & then I'll hide it up my a**!"
Everyone shuts up, looks at RC. "What the..." What are you talking about? You see that morning on the radio (one of the all morning music shows that crams in 45 minutes of talk every hour) had a segment on their weird news about a guy who smuggled a BOWIE KNIFE into someplace via his rectum. RC's alcohol infected reasoning is, if a bowie knife will fit back there.... (Plus he had an expansive porn collection detailing the full extent of what will fit in that particular orrifice).
To my surprise, he convinces the rest of the party, except for the paladin's intelligent holy greatsword (quote: "There's no way I'm going up some skinny elven wizard's backside!). Eventually, over the swords objections, it goes into the bag.
I skipped over the "insertion phase". The party then walked out. The elf a bit more gingerly than the rest.
I am very surprised I've been able to keep a straight face this entier time. You see the frost giant shaman had a Quasit familiar, who had been invisible the whole time & listened to EVERY WORD the party said.
Thus party emerges, says the surrender. Frost Giant Shaman says "search them, and chain them, they'll make good slave until they die."
Then, one of the true moments of DM happiness. Quasit becomes visible, points to elf mage & says: "Search this one good! He's got a Holy Greatsword shoved up his a**!"
Thus was the elven mage given a body cavity search by a frost giant. (Again, I skipped over roleplaying this out.)
Afterwards the frost giants leads off the chained PC's (the elf walking even more gingerly than before) and the Frost Giant Shaman gets all their magic stuff.
When they did escape.....I won't mention what the elf mage did to the Quasit.
In college, 2nd ed. Running a campaign versus giants.
One of the players had been drinking a little before hand, not enough to be drunk, just enough to turn off the That's a Stupid Idea Filter.
Party's trap in a small cave with no exit & a bunch of giants outside waiting for them to come out. (Their own fault, charging in screaming eat this! Ain't the best way to sneak up on frost giants).
So, the frost giant shaman offers to spare their lives if they come out (life of slavery in the mines). Party decides that gives them the better chance of survival, they'll get a chance to escape eventually.
Drinking Guy (Let's call him RC) says: "Wait, what about our stuff? I don't want to lose my Ring of Wizardry!" Party them begins to argue. Trying to find a way to not give all their magic stuff to the frost giants. Predominate theory is to bury it there & come back for it later. Then, out of the blue....
RC: "Wait! I've got a bag of holding! We can put all our magic items in the bag & then I'll hide it up my a**!"
Everyone shuts up, looks at RC. "What the..." What are you talking about? You see that morning on the radio (one of the all morning music shows that crams in 45 minutes of talk every hour) had a segment on their weird news about a guy who smuggled a BOWIE KNIFE into someplace via his rectum. RC's alcohol infected reasoning is, if a bowie knife will fit back there.... (Plus he had an expansive porn collection detailing the full extent of what will fit in that particular orrifice).
To my surprise, he convinces the rest of the party, except for the paladin's intelligent holy greatsword (quote: "There's no way I'm going up some skinny elven wizard's backside!). Eventually, over the swords objections, it goes into the bag.
I skipped over the "insertion phase". The party then walked out. The elf a bit more gingerly than the rest.
I am very surprised I've been able to keep a straight face this entier time. You see the frost giant shaman had a Quasit familiar, who had been invisible the whole time & listened to EVERY WORD the party said.
Thus party emerges, says the surrender. Frost Giant Shaman says "search them, and chain them, they'll make good slave until they die."
Then, one of the true moments of DM happiness. Quasit becomes visible, points to elf mage & says: "Search this one good! He's got a Holy Greatsword shoved up his a**!"
Thus was the elven mage given a body cavity search by a frost giant. (Again, I skipped over roleplaying this out.)
Afterwards the frost giants leads off the chained PC's (the elf walking even more gingerly than before) and the Frost Giant Shaman gets all their magic stuff.
When they did escape.....I won't mention what the elf mage did to the Quasit.
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