My brother is a bugger... what should I do?

[xmanii]

I can think of more and better reasons for you to call him, then for you not to call him.

I would call him.

 

[Treebore]

I would have to know a lot more before I would advise you NOT to call.


If you guys are grown ups ask him.

 

[megamania]

He comes from a perfect world and to remain so with his wife he refuses to bring her anywhere near the house he grew up and they have driven through town on several occations looking for antiques.

I and the family are of low brow humor and poor / overworked middle class. We are unworthy. He has always had a bit of this attitude but it has gotten much worse since he married his wife whom has similiar backgrounds yet the same uppity attitude.


Well.... one can choice one's friends but not one's family....

 

[Harmon]

Back when I was four or five the neighborhood kids had reluctantly allowed me to join in a game of tag, my brother disliked the idea of me being involved was It at some point during the game. I was hiding behind a hedge when he found me, brick in hand he declared- “tag- you’re it!” as he slammed the brick into my face.

His lie to our parents stood its ground that I had taken a fall and bloodied my nose.

Some time around then he shoved me from a tree house, and I fell about fifteen feet through branches and such of large pin. To this day I am fearful of heights because of that.

Somewhere around the age of ten a neighborhood bully was kicking the crap out of him. Guess who I was cheering for- ya, you know I lived for that. Course later on my brother beat me bloody, but that was after I took a whippin’ for not helping my brother- but hay it was worth it.

He got me into AD&D- introduced me to one of my best friends in our first group.

Humiliated me countless times. Beat me up for little or no reason.

Every fight he won. Until one day- around Christmas, he was about sixteen and I about fourteen. We fought until we were tired, trashed a Christmas tree, and gifts. Panting hard, we looked at each other then one of us would punch the other and we’d be off again.

Finally breathless and bleeding, black eyes, bloody noses, bruises that would not go away looking at this house just twenty minutes from Dad coming home, we rallied together and cleaned up- threw out gifts, and things from the tree. Ten plus years later our parents found out about it- though neither had suspected other then noticing a few missing gifts.

Anyway- my brother had graduated from high school, I was off to Canada on summer vacation, when something happened. I came home and told him- “I am tired of fighting,” we hugged (our family does a lot of that).

Sense then it has not been all lovey dovey crap, but we have each other, we listen, we speak our minds to one another, and on some level I still dislike him, but when it come down to it- I love my brother.

My advice to you- tell your brother exactly how you feel, tell him that you love him because he is your brother (doesn’t mean you have to like him), and tell him that you want more of a relationship with him but that you…. well you know your own feelings towards him, but be honest, and keep it clear in his mind that you love him.

 

[Treebore]

He comes from a perfect world and to remain so with his wife he refuses to bring her anywhere near the house he grew up and they have driven through town on several occations looking for antiques.

I and the family are of low brow humor and poor / overworked middle class. We are unworthy. He has always had a bit of this attitude but it has gotten much worse since he married his wife whom has similiar backgrounds yet the same uppity attitude.


Well.... one can choice one's friends but not one's family....

I wonder if my brothers think the same of me. I stay away from my family. We stay away from my wifes family. Know why? Because when we got married they bad mouthed us behind our back. My wife about me to her, and my family about her to me.

I quickly realized the stress this was causing on our marriage. So I told my wife to forget about them (that is the grandma friendly version of what I said). We are husband and wife, we need to establish our marriage and take care of our kids first. To heck with our families and all their baloney.

So we did. We ignored our families and concentrated on making "us" work. We've been doing that for over 16 years now.

Plus, on my side of the family my father and brothers finally told me that they were wrong about my wife and that she was a excellent "pick". That was two years ago.

My wife's father told her essentially the same about marrying me. Last year.

Of course, by now, we are so set in living "our" life, my family is in Ohio, hers is in SC. Her dad is moving out here, into the house next to us.

So I have to wonder, when your brother first married, what did your family say about her?


If you guys were unsupportive and negative about her, maybe your brother made the same choice I did. My wife came first.

Like I mentioned in my previous post, I know far from enough to give any real advice. But you may want to try and look at things from his perspective. It sounds to me like you guys may have insulted him, his wife, or both, so rather than fight with you about it, he stays away.

Then again your brother may be an absolutely self centered snobbish jerk face.

So again, like I said before, talk to him. Like you are both adults and not afraid of being honest.

I don't know about you, but I like knowing exactly where I stand with people.

My family told me where my wife stood 16+ years ago. I guess it shocked them when I went and stood next to her. Took them 14 years to get over it. 15 in the case of my wife's father. Many others have yet to get over it.


So talk to him. Ask him straight out. Its the only way your ever going to find out the real reasons.

After all, it is almost a New Year. A perfect time for new beginnings, or endings.

 

[jgbrowning]

After all, it is almost a New Year. A perfect time for new beginnings, or endings.

Yeah. Never be afraid of closing a book. Nor opening one.

joe b.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

It takes only a little effort on your part to be the good one. Make the call.

I say that as a guy who, while in college, made the acquaintence of 2 brothers, perhaps a year apart in age, who had been estranged from each other for years, a major reason was because one of them had a drug habit.

Our senior year of college, the druggie got clean, and they reconciled.

2 years after graduation, the one who had the habit died in his sleep, 3 years clean. Due to his habit, his heart simply got worn out and stopped beating.

The surviving brother treasured those years.

In my own family, my Mom has been in the process of reconciling with her half-brothers and half-sisters for about 20 years now (REALLY long story). What was once obviously a torture has become a source of some joy of late.

You never know when or why someone will have a change of heart. If you keep the lines of communication open, you may just get a pleasant surprise.

Even if you don't reconcile with your brother, it will probably build your character.

what do I do with Doobie Brothers CDs?

If you like the DB's, keep 'em.

If not, sharpen the edges and have shuriken you can carry anywhere.

 

[Ranger REG]

Back when I was four or five the neighborhood kids had reluctantly allowed me to join in a game of tag, my brother disliked the idea of me being involved was It at some point during the game. I was hiding behind a hedge when he found me, brick in hand he declared- “tag- you’re it!” as he slammed the brick into my face.

His lie to our parents stood its ground that I had taken a fall and bloodied my nose.

Some time around then he shoved me from a tree house, and I fell about fifteen feet through branches and such of large pin. To this day I am fearful of heights because of that.

Somewhere around the age of ten a neighborhood bully was kicking the crap out of him. Guess who I was cheering for- ya, you know I lived for that. Course later on my brother beat me bloody, but that was after I took a whippin’ for not helping my brother- but hay it was worth it.

He got me into AD&D- introduced me to one of my best friends in our first group.

Humiliated me countless times. Beat me up for little or no reason.

Every fight he won. Until one day- around Christmas, he was about sixteen and I about fourteen. We fought until we were tired, trashed a Christmas tree, and gifts. Panting hard, we looked at each other then one of us would punch the other and we’d be off again.

Finally breathless and bleeding, black eyes, bloody noses, bruises that would not go away looking at this house just twenty minutes from Dad coming home, we rallied together and cleaned up- threw out gifts, and things from the tree. Ten plus years later our parents found out about it- though neither had suspected other then noticing a few missing gifts.

Anyway- my brother had graduated from high school, I was off to Canada on summer vacation, when something happened. I came home and told him- “I am tired of fighting,” we hugged (our family does a lot of that).

Sense then it has not been all lovey dovey crap, but we have each other, we listen, we speak our minds to one another, and on some level I still dislike him, but when it come down to it- I love my brother.

My advice to you- tell your brother exactly how you feel, tell him that you love him because he is your brother (doesn’t mean you have to like him), and tell him that you want more of a relationship with him but that you…. well you know your own feelings towards him, but be honest, and keep it clear in his mind that you love him.

Oh, great. An Oprah Moment. :\

 

[Enkhidu]

So, when exactly did you're brother come out of the closet?

 

[Harmon]

Oh, great. An Oprah Moment. :\

Doctor Phil, actually.

So, when exactly did you're brother come out of the closet?

He never came out- we have always known he was gay. He tried being straight a while, but it just wasn't him (he even had a child, but after my nephew passed away, my brother decided to be true to himself instead of denying it).


I saw no reason to argue anymore with my brother, and for that matter it was the first step to understanding that I need not care for fighting anymore with anyone. Recent events in my life have lead me a bit further- why argue? You can change no one but yourself, those that care about you will, and those that won't- will not care.

Peace all.