D&D 5E My Job is a bad D&D adventure

[Ancalagon]

So...

So I'm at work at an "all staff meeting". About 100 of us listening to presentations of various quality.

This guy gives a presentation with a poorly thought out map (instead of a chart) with bad labels and too many acronyms. Next the Director General is going to talk to us about his vision. I snicker a bit telling myself that clearly he's gained level in the Oracle Class. Then it struck me... my job is a bad D&D game! And thus, during the meeting, I came up with an entire adventure on the spot.

You must first cross the Fields of Apathy where the invisible evaluators lurk. You must defeat the Cost-Cutting Vampire, thus gaining the red folder of protection +1. You then head to the terrible dark dungeon that lies beneath the terrible Mountain of Work!

Face the Specters of Past Precedents! Can you outrun the zombie submissions? Are you brave enough to stand up to the Senior Mages? Can you outwit the Loop of Endless Edits? Avoid the giant Press? Sneak by the unblinking eyes of the Stakeholders?

Your reward for facing these perils? Why, the Cake of Retirement.

 

[Ancalagon]

I have other ideas, monsters and traps that goes with it. All I have to do is stat them out and draw the map (I already sort of know how I would do that too). I rarely have a fully formed dungeon appear like that unbidden.

The problem of course is that none of my colleagues play D&D, and it's probably far less amusing for someone who doesn't work at the job, so I'm not sure if I should bother... :/

 

[Storyteller Hero]

As long as you don't get hit with a +5 Vorpal Notice of Downsizing, there's always another day to keep hope alive.

 

[Phion]

Choose a adventuring life. Choose a class. Choose an archetype. Choose a group of other players. Choose a flipping powerful magic item. Choose potions, backbacks, rations and tools…. Choose being in a guild and wondering who the flip you are being paid by. Choose being set on fire by your mind-numbing, spirit crushing party member, stucking junk food into your mouth. Choose being killed by a trap at the end of it all, spikes through your torso and nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish flipped up character replacements you wrote to replace yourself, choose your end game. Choose a adventuring life…. But why would I want to do a thing like that?

 

[Shiroiken]

I'm a minion who works for the evil organization. I'm likely to surrender to any direct confrontation.

 

[jasper]

Psst OP. You are really just a NPC. Watch out for murder hobo's on the drive home.
Signed
Jasper NPC 3rd class.

 

[maxed]

Now I really want a red manila folder with a big "+1" on it to bring to meetings.

 

[Blue]

"You've been hit by a Restructuring! Lose two levels and you must multiclass when you regain them."

"Your new manager needs to make changes to show their worth. All weapons must be used two handed, and no spells with costly material components are allowed."

"The auditors require all characters to wear Splint for safety."

"Men gain 1,500 XP for that last session, women 1,200 XP."

 

[Ralif Redhammer]

"We are plain quiet folk and have no use for adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner!""

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

You reminded me of this thread...
http://www.enworld.org/forum/showth...-worst-TSR-adventure-module(s)-ever-published

In the spirit thereof:

“A group of seven men approaches the water cooler. They are coming from the eastern conference room, and are making good time, neither tarrying nor running. Their faces are expressionless. One is dressed as a clerk of some sort, and another is dressed as a traveling repairman. The others could be assistants or secretaries going from one location to another for the morning donuts. Each carries some sort of tablet with TPS reports. It is plain that they are not soldiers by their haphazard way of walking. They do not seem to be joking loudly or singing as they advance.”