D&D 5E My Job is a bad D&D adventure

[Dannyalcatraz]

Monster: HowlBore. This creature wanders the halls, seemingly always on break. It is always willing to tell you stories about its weekend of sock sorting; vacation to the Corn Palace in Mitchell, South Dakota (with pictures); how to dress cats as clowns and other boring topics- this is a charm effect. If you start listening, you WILL be late to a meeting. If you escape but encounter it again within a month, it will pick up the tale where it left off, as if nothing had happened.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Monster: Troy G. L’Dyte. Someone hasn’t bathed this week, but it’s OK since he uses a spray-can of Axe every 4 days. He also reheated his baked fish in the microwave, and finished with durian pudding. He smokes cheap stogies on his breaks (usually within 5’ of the door).

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Location/Item: Cubicle of Farts. Somehow, it always smells foul in this unused cubicle nearest the break room, hence its nickname. Sometimes the cause is obvious, like food dumped in the trash can or stashed & forgotten in the drawer of the monitor riser. Sometimes, Troy takes a lunchtime nap under the desk. But even after the Cubicle gets cleaned, the stench still lingers, as if it is part of the wall and carpeting.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Monster: Tia-Matt. The office power couple, they’ve been together seemingly forever. They’re ambitious, talented, charismatic, capricious, controlling...and so well connected, it seems as if they have eyes everywhere. They both tend to wear clothes that project power and status, usually with bold colors, exacerbated by the fact that Matt is color blind and Tia favors flashy, overpriced jewelry.

 

[DRF]

Variant Gibbering Mouther: stuns and disorients you with relentless tales of her cats, uninteresting weekend plans and failed diets. While in close proximity to the Variant Gibbering Mouther, your Intelligence drops by 1d8+1 and your movement speed is reduced to 0.

Weaknesses include (free) cake and the spell Mindless Gossip.

Proceed with caution.

 

[jasper]

Location/ Item. Coffee brun burn. This has 1 in 6 per week of occurring. Smell of burn coffee takes over break room. Cause by minions not turning off pot. 1d2 psychic damage.

 

[Ancalagon]

Huh. I think that some of it would be understood by many (I am sure that most office workers will shudder in horror at the Loop of Infinite Edits!), some of my ideas are very specific to my work place...

Still, it's just the right size for a pbp game

Sent from my [device_name] using EN World mobile app

Or I could start a Kickstarter...

... probably would have to change my legal name to Matt Colville though...

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Item: The Green Stapler. It resembles a typical heavy-duty desk stapler, but for its unusually bright metal-flake green color- unique to Lochnar Business Tool’s short-lived “DayGlo” Line from the 1980s. It is in pristine condition, and seems to work extremely well. So well, in fact, that people are willing to steal it for their own personal use. Sometimes, coworkers have been seen getting into physical fights with both claiming to have personally bought the stapler and bringing it to work. It is rumored that- at a different business- one former user of the Green Stapler burned down the office in retaliation for having it being taken from him. The Stapler was found in the ashes, undamaged.

 

[Eltab]

One of the traps along the way threatens to dump a ton (or whatever your max carrying capacity is) of paperwork on you. You must (a geas) distribute the reports to the correct offices before you can continue on your way.

The sphinx who guards the vault where an important treasure item / milestone lies, speaks primarily in Accountant with a fractured understanding of Common.

Random Encounter: Security Personnel who want to see your Company-issued ID badge, prominently displayed.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Item: The Hungry Copier. Most copiers are content to feed on the occasional resume or TPS report, but after being modified into a suicide machine by Ted from Accounting (R.I.P., Ted), this one continues to hunger for the life forces of the humans around it. Any time a tie or other dangling neckwear gets too close to the high-speed document feeder, there is a 10% chance that it will lunge for it...