Need help with insults!

[Isachar]

need help insulting an eladrin!

I play a drow wizard in my current campaign, one of the party members is an eladrin rogue, (both are female) we have a kind of insult competition going and I need help coming up with some things to put that sticky fingered fey reject in her place!
p.s. the player is also one of my best friends so lets try not to make things too nasty.

 

[I'm A Banana]

Need help with insults!

Are you some sort of idiot?

What nimrod can't even think of a decent insult? I honestly can't believe the stupidity on display here. Your parents are clearly failures who couldn't raise a cactus, let alone a functional human being.

Tossbag.



(Stick with the classics -- parentage, sexual parts, obvious differences, signs of weakness, whatever...Judging from ENWorld, you could probably tell one of 'em that they were too videogamey, and watch the sparks fly. )

 

[LostSoul]

My in-game insults are the same as real life insults.

Likewise, players talk colloquially in-character because in the game world that's what their characters are doing.

Medieval-speak drives me mad.

[/rant]

Verily, Snoweel doth speak the truth.

 

[Dandu]

• He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
• What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?
• The greatest undeveloped territory in the world lies under your hat.
• There is nothing wrong with you that a miracle could not cure.
• You are one of those people who would be vastly improved by death.
• I would like to take you seriously, but doing so would be an affront to your intelligence.
• Sometimes, when I look into your eyes, I get the feeling that someone else is driving.
• You are a modest man with much to be modest about.
• When I stand next to you, I can hear the ocean.
• I'll pray a thousand prayers for thy death, for thou art unfit for any place but hell.
• Are your parents siblings?
• As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
• Did you eat paint chips as a child?
• Never tell everything you know. It may take too short a time.
• I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
• What's the weather like up your own ass?
• I think you're an intelliegent person, but what's my opinion against thousands of others?
• The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
• Your villiage called. They want their idiot back.
• Your mental abilities go toe to toe with those of a footstool.
• You have obviously inherit some good instincts from your forebears, but by diligent hard work, you must have overcome them.
• So, how do you manage to cope with reality?
• Do you know what the difference is between you and a fat braying ass? The fat braying ass would.
• The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr. Brain has long since departed, hasn't he?
• Your brain is like the four headed, man-eating haddock fish beast of Aberdeen. In that it doesn't exist.
• They do say that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are of course wrong, as you will soon discover...when I stick this toasting fork in your head.
• You wouldn't recognize a good idea if it painted itself purple and danced naked on a harpsicord singing 'good ideas are here again'.
• "I don't take kindly to insults" "Funny, with a face like yours, I'd have thought you'd be used to it by now."
• You have the intellectual capacity of a dirty potato.
• Oh come on, the ape creatures of the Indus have mastered this.
• It's the most pointless thing since 'How to Speak Elvish' was translated into Elvish.
• Yes, I think he is a genius, if the definition of genius is a brain addled, pompus ass with sweaty jowls. I have met cleverer people at the annual meeting of the Guild of Village Idiots.
• My opinion of you is rather hard to express in words.
• You are as good at disguising yourself as a hydra with sunglasses trying to sneak in to a beholder only strip club.
• You should become a limbo dancer. Everything goes over your head.
• If I die, think only this of me; I will be back to get you.
• We are in the stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick insect got stuck on a stick.
• Your record in this area of expertise is about as good as that of Stumpy McNolegs' record in the Market Marathon!
• Your head is as empty as a eunich's underpants.
• This is a matter of supreme indifference to me.
• A chat with you, and somehow death loses it's sting.
• If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I'd have bought one at the market.
• He has the intellect of a glibbering mouther and the manners of a latrine.
• I was more impressed with the contents of my hankerchief the last time I blew my nose.
• Unfortunately, they have not instituted the requirement 'must have the intellectual capacity of a boiled potato'.
• The parts of you that can't be mentioned wouldn't be worth mentioning if they could be.
• Die monster! You don't belong in this world!
• Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
• I'll never be the man your mother is.
• If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.
• It looks light your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.
• Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.
• We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.
• Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
• Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?
• Folk clap their hands when they see you... over their eyes.
• You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.
• Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?
• Were you born stupid, or did you work hard at it?
• Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
• Know this. There is a hell, and when you are there, I shall visit such dark horrors upon you as are unspeakable in this mortal realm.

 

[TarionzCousin]

Are you some sort of idiot?

What nimrod can't even think of a decent insult? I honestly can't believe the stupidity on display here. Your parents are clearly failures who couldn't raise a cactus, let alone a functional human being.

Tossbag.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

"Well, well, well...if it isn't Sir Rusty Codpiece!"

"That's not a sword...*shiiiiiiiinnnngggg*...THAT'S a sword!"

*sniff* *sniff* *sniff* "Is someone's loincloth on fire? Oh, I didn't see you standing there!"

"I've tossed 3-copper whores with more class and style than you...and they probably had fewer fleas!"

"Your skill at oratory is only outmatched by the poems of an overfed Otyugh's."

"Uh-oh- someone call the Watch- the Baron's moat monster is loose again."

"With a nose like that, you must be a gnome."

"You know, even for an elf, you're...you're...ehhh...*tsk* What is the opposite of "heroic" again?"

"Ah, my dwarven acquaintance- as dependable and useful as a paper hammer.

 

[Aran Thule]

Dandu, most of your insults there remind me of Blackadder, a master of cynical wit and sarcasm.

oh and to the dwarf...
Ive seen goats with more impressive beards

 

[Pbartender]

Ive seen goats with more impressive beards

"My Great Aunt Tilly has more whiskers on her chin than you do."

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Call a dwarf "Cue-ball" and see what you get.

Heck..."Bald-Faced Liar" might even start a blood-feud!

 

[Pyrosa Shadowalker]

OMG...*shakes head*.......

OMG......you must ALL be guys! Here's one for you sad sad souls:

Guy says "That's not all we could enjoy." and elf/Half-elf/Human replys, "Please, I wouldn't let you share a stall in my barn let alone share my bed."