Of Sound Mind the Halfling Way

[the Jester]

The Alamo

6 p.m.

The sky is clear as afternoon turns to evening, which is rare here; it usually rains in the afternoon. Grease sizzles and drips from the cooking nose over the fire.

“It doesn’t matter, he’s dead,” insists Naomi.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Federico says reproachfully. “He’s sentient. That’s a big taboo, big big taboo.”

“We’re doing it out of respect,” Naomi tries.

“I don’t know,” Federico answers again. “I’m not doing it at all.” He turns away.

With a sigh and a shake of the head, Naomi turns back to Whisperclick’s succulent nose, dangling over the fire.

***

5/14/369 O.L.G., 11 a.m.

Two days spent sheltering from a massive storm in a cave have passed. Now our heroes prepare to leave to continue their explorations.

Unfortunately, they have been found out.

An ettin and a group of ogres- this time the heat is up even higher than before. Wolves race beside them. As our heroes reach cave mouth a great cry rises up, and our heroes find themselves in the fight of their lives.

Wolves snap at Beau, almost pulling him down. They reach our heroes first, being fastest on their feet; and our heroes start a staunch defense, keeping rock at their back and offering only a narrow front. Blood sprays as Jawbreaker lays about him with his axe. Federico uses a scroll of slow and catches both of the ogres. But the onrushing horde makes him blanch.

Timothy catches one of the ogres in a flaming sphere, but it lowers its head and just keeps charging forward. Ethel, meanwhile, squares off growling against a dire wolf well over her size. She pulls it down by the ankle and Jawbreaker takes the chance to cut the wolf in half with a mighty blow of his axe!

Beau cries out as one of the ogres smashes him with its club. The ettin, meanwhile, is swinging its huge clubs at Timothy, and one knocks him flying. An ogrish head rolls on the floor as Jawbreaker finishes it off, but the huge, feral-looking wolves tear and pull at him, trying to bring him down. Ethel drags one of them off him.

Federico scurries over to Beau and casts a bardic healing spell on him. The rogue groans and his eyes flutter. Good enough, thinks the kobold, and reloads his crossbow. Then he cries out as an ogre swings its club at him, and he scrambles back. Timothy’s flaming sphere is suddenly right on the ogre, and it gives out a hoarse bellow. It staggers away from the flames, swatting at the fires catching in its hair and the rude hides that it wears.

Jawbreaker laughs harshly and hacks into its leg, and it totters, then smashes him with another club blow. He survives the impact, but he’s hurt badly.

The ettin continues to dance with Timothy, slamming him again with another blow. He staggers away, mumbling incantations, and then touches the two-headed giant with a shocking grasp! It gasps as all the hair on both of its heads stands up on end. It staggers back and deals a backhanded strike to Timothy, leaving the little sorcerer on the very edge of consciousness. He casts false life, desperately hoping it’s enough as the ettin closes in-

Only one ogre is still standing. Ethel is darting in at him, but he’s ready for her. He swings his club in a smooth upstroke, catching her just below the chin. She gives out a horrible, agonized yelp- and then no more. Ethel’s neck shatters, killing her.

“No!!” shouts Beau. “Not Ethel!” He casts a ray of enfeeblement at the monstrous ogre that laid her low, and the monster staggers. Then he fires an arrow that lands true in its throat, and it topples over like a felled tree.

Timothy cringes as the roaring ettin pulls back its two massive clubs, ready to destroy him- and then there’s the telltale sound of a crossbow loosing its bolt. The ettin cries in pain as the bolt hits his forearm, tearing all the way through it and shattering bones, and then the giant stumbles... and falls.

The last dire wolf’s head flies off with Jawbreaker’s assistance, and then, panting, our heroes shakily sit down.

”We need to get moving,” Jawbreaker declares after only a moment.

”Wait a second,” Beau groans. “First we need to loot.”

Loot they do, though they keep a watch out for other incoming enemies. They spend only enough time to strip the monsters of obvious valuables, mostly a few coins. However, they also find a pair of spectacles that radiate magic.

“Let’s dice for them,” Beau suggests. “We can’t identify them, so we might as well give them to someone so they can try to figure them out.”

The group agrees, and shortly they all throw Sandy’s knucklebones. Timothy rolls best, so he puts the glasses on. “I like them, glasses make you look grown up,” he declares. Then he frowns, peering at Naomi. “You have a black aura. So do you, Beau. Why do you have them and no one else?”

The two evil members of the group say, “No idea,” at the same moment.

Quickly, then, the group flees the cave, trying to find a hidden gully or something in the hills- some place where they can lay low and lick their wounds (which, once again, are considerable). But as they move quickly, trying to put some distance between themselves and the bodies they’ve left behind, Beau stops and pulls out his bow.

“Oh, no,” whimpers Federico, “what now.”

“Someone’s spying on us,” Beau answers, and fires up. There’s a squeaking cry, and then a winged scaly form comes spiraling down out of the sky, landing with a thump in front of them, barely managing to control its fall.

“What is it?” wonders Naomi. “It looks almost like you, Federico.”

“But with wings,” adds Thelonious.

”It’s an urd,” Federico says in wonder. “I’ve never seen one before.”

“An urd? A winged kobold?” Naomi studies the miserable-looking little thing. It cringes back. “Not much meat on it,” she comments.

“We no eat it,” Jawbreaker says. He slaps Federico on the shoulder. “Ask what it want. We get information.” Squatting down, he pokes the urd with a stick.

“Sure thing, Chief,” says Federico. “Hey there, buddy,” he says in Draconic. “What are you doing here? Do you live on this island? Why were you watching us?”

The urd cringes again. “My name is Achtung,” he whines. “My folk are slaves here. But we heard that you’ve been disturbing things and they sent me out to beg for your help.”

When Federico translates, Jawbreaker laughs. “Stupid urd,” he guffaws.

“What do you want our help with?” Federico asks.

“I don’t know. I was just sent to see if you would come talk to our chief.”

The party confers. They don’t trust this shifty little urd, not for a second; but they certainly could use a friend or a place to hide, or both. After some debate- and Timothy’s urging as his advisor- Chief Jawbreaker decides. “We go with him,” he declares. “We need place to rest, heal.”

“But tell him that if he tries to screw us over, I’m taking a wing and a leg.” Naomi glares sternly at the urd. Even without knowing what she has said, he squeaks and cringes.

Next Time: To Aid the Urds!

 

[hippiejedi2]

haha beau almost crit the poor urd, a pc, in the air before it met the party. (oops) But we had been pursued constantly on the island and both as a player and in character felt like a shoot first ask later policy would be wise counsel on this island all thingss considered.

 

[the Jester]

haha beau almost crit the poor urd, a pc, in the air before it met the party. (oops) But we had been pusued constantly on the island and both as a player and in character felt like a shoot first ask later policy would be wise counsel on this island all thingss considered.

I love this player feedback stuff you're posting, keep it up! It encourages me to update more. You and Angel of Adventure have found the way to help me catch up...!

 

[omrob]

Long Live Ethel

Only one ogre is still standing. Ethel is darting in at him, but he’s ready for her. He swings his club in a smooth upstroke, catching her just below the chin. She gives out a horrible, agonized yelp- and then no more. Ethel’s neck shatters, killing her.

Federico composed and performed several lamentations for Ethel that involved a lot of crying and barking...

The sad thing about that too was that Federico was too weak to carry any of his food, extra crossbow bolts, or shiny little trinkets that were in the saddlebags on Ethel. I think Martini or the Chief helped him out for a while as the beast of burden...

 

[the Jester]

Current Party Lineup:

Naomi (psion 5, LE)
Timothy (sorc 6, CG)
Federico (kobold bard 4/sorc 2, CG)
Beau (rog 4/sor 1, CE)
Jawbreaker (barb 5, CG)
Martini (rng 3/ftr 1, LE)
Achtung (urd fighter 3, NE)
Sandy (rog 4/ftr 2, LE)

 

[the Jester]

To Aid the Urds

5/20/369 O.L.G.
The urds are a strange race. Their little scaly wings are a definite improvement on the standard kobold model (just ask them and they’ll tell you), and were their kind more clever they could probably rise to some level of prominence. After all, they breed quickly. Only their racial ineptitude and stupidity prevented them from becoming more influential in the world around them.

Usually, urds- like kobolds- are at the bottom of whatever pecking order they are a part of. Here, on the islands our heroes will shortly christen the Dogtooth Islands, is no exception. The urds are spat on and kicked around even by the goblins. It’s just the way things are, and the urds accept it with the sort of fatalism known only by those used to be kicked around by goblins. But lately, things have gotten much worse. Some new Master has taken control of the isle’s bigwigs, and they in turn have gotten much more careless with urd lives. The urds are being worked too hard; so their chief set out to make a deal with the outsiders who were so disturbing things outside.

Thus our heroes, after a journey fraught with the perils of goblin scouts, giant bats and worse, have met with the urd chief and agreed to help him in return for a safe place to rest. They have taken their ease for a day, resting and recovering from their long flight; and now they prepare to delve deep towards the Master of the island.

Federico sighs unhappily as the party leaves the urd chambers. He’s had rather too much romance here. One of the chief’s daughters secretly sought him out for some sweet lovemaking, and the next day the chief arranged to marry Federico to his daughter with Jawbreaker. Feddie had made the obvious assumption, that it was his lover, but after acquiescing unhappily (he really didn’t have much choice in the matter; it was all arranged by the chiefs), he discovered to his horror that the urd had betrothed him to a different daughter. Will his affair with his betrothed’s sister come out? How much of an insult will this prove to the urds if it does? Is there some kind of out? The kobold worries about it. Hopefully overthrowing this Master will count for something, he thinks.

Well, at least Chief Jawbreaker offered to carry his few items. With his meager strength, Federico can barely manage to bear a crossbow and some bolts, much less any actual gear.* Without Ethel... he sniffs... without Ethel to bear his burdens, he must burden his friends. He needs a new dog as soon as possible.

Following the urds’ directions our heroes travel through secret passages known only to the winged kobolds. Eventually they work their way into an artificial passageway and start hurrying along. Almost instantly they find an intersection- and goblin guards.

Federico immediately starts japing at the goblins while the Beau and Jawbreaker spring forward, drawing their weapons. A harsh babble rises from the throats of the goblins as they start to fall back. One of them, then another, falls. Another flees down a different passage, and then it’s just the hooded ettin.

Behind them, down one arm of the passage, a large door opens and a hulking ettin stalks out. His heads are both hooded; his skin has a yellow jaundiced look. With a roar, it advances, obviously wary. But its slow forward movement allows Beau time to hit it with a ray of enfeeblement, so it retreats swiftly to the chamber it emerged from.

Jawbreaker snarls and rushes to the door. He flings it open, and right behind him, Timothy casts a flaming sphere onto the ettin.

The ettin has retreated to a room full of preserved jars of body parts. One particularly large jar at the end of the room flickers with electricity. A disembodied brain floats in a solution of brine within it.

Suddenly, Jawbreaker reels and then whirls around to strike at Beau! “Aagh!” the rogue cries, “Jawbreaker, no!”

Then, suddenly, Beau cries out as a smashing pain tears into his head. Blood begins to trickle from his ear. “Watch out,” he groans, “it has psionic powers like Naomi!”

Timothy frowns. Naomi isn’t very nice. And his new spectacles show a black, flickering aura around the brain in the jar. He moves his flaming sphere onto the jar, then hits the ettin with a brace of magic missiles. He hears the japing kobold fire his crossbow at the two-headed giant as well.

Then, suddenly, the ettin charges Federico, slamming him with a blow from his club. The kobold staggers back, more than impressed by the power of the blow, and does the only thing he really can: he reloads.

Jawbreaker, meanwhile, is pressing Beau hard. Beau is focusing his attacks on the jar, using his bow, and though the jar is cracking, Beau is increasingly unsure whether he’ll live long enough to break it open. “Jawbreaker, resist it!” he cries. “The brain is controlling you! You’ve got to fight it!”

Jawbreaker hesitates for one second. Beau tumbles back, trying to get under a table covered in jars of organs, but Jawbreaker is too savvy. He strikes Beau with another mighty blow, and the rogue collapses in a bloody heap on the floor. Then the barbarian turns to strike Timothy. The sorcerer shouts out, “Chief Jawbreaker, no! As your advisor I advise you not to do this!!”

He drops back a few feet, hitting the ettin jaw with another flaming sphere. Suddenly it bursts, liquid flowing out and a shriveled grey brain flopping to the ground. Immediately Jawbreaker’s hand flies to his forehead and he gasps, free of the mental influence of the brain.

“Good job, Timothy,” Federico calls, and then fires another bolt at the ettin. This one slices into the ettin’s ankle, destroying the joint and blowing a hole in it! The ettin howls and jerks, and its foot comes off with a sick burst of blood, and the creature collapses.

“We’ve done it!” cries Timothy. Federico, meanwhile, hurries over to Beau and uses a cure light wounds on him, preventing his imminent death.

The party just begins to look around the room when Federico calls out, “I hear approaching goblins!” With a collective curse, our heroes prepare to defend themselves yet again.

”Was that really the master?” wonders Timothy.

Then the a small group of goblins herded by a bugbear arrives, and there is a minute where it looks ugly; but Timothy whips out his wand of lightning bolts and teaches the bugbear a thing or two. The goblins fall, except the last one, which begs for mercy and gets it, in an unexpected fashion.

“What your name?” demands Jawbreaker. Timothy translates.

“Coxith,” the trembling goblin answers.

“NO!” roars Jawbreaker. “Your name is Ethel!!” The goblin cringes back. Soon it is made to understand, and it is bearing Federico’s gear.

***

5/23/369 O.L.G., the brain in the jar’s dungeon

The brain in the jar was indeed the Master, and without its direction the island’s unity begins to fall apart. A particularly dangerous bugbear shaman who was trying to unify several tribes of goblins under his rule falls in battle with our heroes when they go to explore the brain in a jar’s realm more thoroughly, but mostly the collapse happens on its own. They give ‘Ethel’ a backpack to help him carry stuff, for which he is profoundly grateful.

The dungeon yields its secrets; it is fairly small, and most of the inhabitants have already been slain by our heroes. The trash heap proves very traditional, having an otyugh at its center and a good number of fat, large rats. Our heroes do a little extermination, then find the otyugh’s treasure among the filth. They manage to separate out 248gp. In addition they find a small diamond and, with the aid of a detect magic, a scroll. Federico casts read magic on it; it contains enlarge person, silent image, and a rare spell called paint memory.

So far things are going well. The urd chief even gives the party a chest full of 5000 coins. They’re copper, but they’re coins. Our heroes bury it along with a bunch of other copper and Timothy makes the most ridiculous treasure map ever to Chief Jawbreaker’s Treasure Horde.

***

5/28/369 O.L.G., the island’s surface

After a stern conversation with Federico in which the enraged urd chief makes clear that he is never to return on pain of death, the party leaves the urds’ territory in a hurry. Achtung is exiled with them. He splutters and protests, but since he has traveled briefly with them, he suffers guilt by association.

So, unhappily, the urd joins them. He whines a lot, but soon discovers that there will be regular meals. Even better, when some bacon attacks the party, he begins to see just how good everything is when it’s wrapped in bacon. As Federico is fond of saying, everything is better with bacon.

Next Time: Will ‘Ethel’ survive? What will Chief Jawbreaker’s Second Treasure Horde contain? Where’s the idol?? Find out the answers next time!

*Never forget that Feddie has a strength of 1.

 

[Brain]

Timothy makes the most ridiculous treasure map ever to Chief Jawbreaker’s Treasure Horde.

Timothy meant well and tried to come up with a real treasure map but he has very low wisdom and a childlike mentality. I'd post the map (since it is mostly text), but I don't have it. Maybe the Jester will post it so that the readers can get an idea of just how rediculous it is.

The idea of burying treasure and making a map was great, and reminded us of Dogtooth. (more piratey goodness). I wonder if someone in the future will find the map and try to follow it, only to find 5000 copper pieces.

 

[hippiejedi2]

now would be a good time, since there are two sorcerors in the party, to introduce the halfling concept of the battle sorceror. Basically its a sorceror who fights on the front line w/the i'll protect logic. try to tell timothy to hang back while his friends get beat up.

another tidbit of halfling arcane lore is the ray of enfeeblement or as beau has come to call it the the halfling equalizer, as the recipients str is reduced to that of a halfling.

 

[the Jester]

The Idol

5:30 p.m.

After some discussion, the party decides to draw straws for two items that they have picked up that radiate magic: a suit of studded leather armor and a dagger. Chuief Jawbreaker gains the armor and Naomi the dagger.

As the sun sinks down below the horizon and a blustery wind rises, Naomi sighs. “I wish we could find this damn idol!”

“Well, we’ve searched all over- we’re bound to find it soon.” Martini tries to sound reassuring.

“Besides, we’re stuck on these islands,” Beau says. “At least we have something to do.”

“And don’t forget, my people said that there are more ancestral ruins here,” Achtung points out.

They make camp and prepare to sleep. Ethel, Federico’s new ‘beast of burden’ (or goblin of burden, as the case may be), cringes whenever anyone looks at him. Jawbreaker snorts. “Stupid goblin,” he says.

***

5/29/369 O.L.G., 11 a.m.

It’s a beautiful day and our heroes have clearly seen some ruins up hill from them a few miles. They move through the tangled undergrowth, Martini and Jawbreaker blazing the trail the others are following. The sounds of birdsong and the chatter of exotic animals in the trees is constant. The grunting of our heroes as they hike along is the halfling accompaniment.

As they head uphill they meet another shipwrecked human, this one named Quentin. His speech is strangely accented; he claims to be from a place far to the west called Pesh. He is slight of build, sunburned, with a swarthiness to his complexion. His hair is reddish-blond, bleached by the sun. He offers to join forces with the halflings, obviously more shipwreck victims. He explains that there are goblins all over the island, and that they will kill a man without provocation.

“They’re all over all these islands,” Federico remarks.

“As you say,” Quentin says. He shrugs. “I am a skilled sailor if you have need of one, and I know where there is a hidden treasure.”

“You okay,” Jawbreaker declares. “You no Dogtooth, but you okay. Chief Jawbreaker says you come with us.”

Quentin nods.

“Lead us to treasure,” Jawbreaker commands.

Quentin is as good as his word. He leads the group through an area of gnarled brush, then to a massive fallen tree leading onto an isolated spur of rock beside a waterfall (which reminds Timothy of the fey of the waterfall that he has met twice). Uncertain whether or not it’s a trap, the party leaves Ethel behind, admonishing him to wait for them. Federico takes his crossbow and bolts, but leaves the rest of his gear on the goblin. Then they follow Quentin as he leads them behind the waterfall, where a small cave is concealed. Hidden in the floor of the cave is a secret trap door. Below it is a sealed wooden chest. Within that are coins worth somewhat over 500 gp and a silver and platinum sword that later fetches the party almost 1000 gold. Among the coins are almost 5000 copper pieces.

“You know what I’m thinking,” Federico says.

The party re-seals the copper in the chest, concealing it again beneath the trap door again. Then Timothy draws a second treasure map while everyone giggles madly.

Then it’s time for bacon in the well-concealed cavern.

***

5/30/369 O.L.G., 9 a.m.

A quick breakfast, during which Naomi continues to work on getting Federico to accpet the idea of eating human, and then our heroes head back out past the waterfall. “You could just gnaw on a bone, right?” she urges him. “That’s not really eating it, right?”

As they pass out of the waterfall, Federico exclaims, “Aw man, Ethel’s gone!” He looks around in dismay. “I knew I should have come and got him last night!”

“Maybe we should have treated him nicer,” Timothy says ponderously.

“Stupid goblin,” Jawbreaker grunts. The kobold only sighs.

“Maybe we can track him,” Martini suggests. He and Jawbreaker cast about for tracks while Timothy demonstrates a new spell of his and takes to the air.

“Hey, look, guys, I can fly!” Timothy shrieks with joy.

“Great, Tim,” sighs Martini, “but you’re supposed to be looking for things, not attracting a lot of attention.”

While the sorcerer flies about obliviously, Martini, Jawbreaker and Beau sneak forward along the trail, which soon leads to a cave with goblins guarding it. Beau slits one of their throats from the shadows, and the other goblins flee.

The party moves up; but almost immediately, a counterattack led by a bugbear forms. Our heroes rout the first wave, but then a goblin spellcaster arrives, throwing a volley of magic missiles at the party. One missile zips into Martini, one blasts Federico and one blows Quentin into unconscious. The Peshan sailor lies twitching and bleeding. But he is no seasoned adventurer; our heroes are. They tear through the goblins, destroy the bugbear and gracefully accept the spellcaster’s surrender.

“We’re looking for an idol,” Naomi says. “Taken from another one of these islands.” Timothy translates into goblin.

The spellcaster sags. “We have your idol. Will you let us go if we give it back to you?”

“Of course we will,” answers Timothy.

***

At last they have the idol. The next few days are spent returning it; and then our heroes are freed of a strange compulsion that has crawled on the back of the necks of several of the individuals that were at the other ruin when Naomi was restored.

As they ride their outrigger boat to a nearby island, they see a whale surface not far from them. “Hail!” cries Federico.

The whale’s great brown eye turns to look at him. “Haaaail,” it booms back.

Our heroes exchange glances. “Maybe it can help us leave,” suggests Sandy.

Another exchanged glance. “We’re stranded here!” shouts Federico to the whale. “Can you help us get somewhere civilized?”

The whale rolls partway over. “I caaaan heeeeelp yoooou,” it squeals. Its vocal apparatus is significantly different than any in the throats our heroes possess.

They talk for a time. The whale is named Weeweerinwee. It suggests to them that if they build a harness, it can carry them to the nearest civilized island- Dyshim. Our heroes have heard of it, but only in name- none of them knows a single thing about it. However, that is no deterrent. They miss civilization badly; although, truth to tell, these isles seem well stocked with bananas, mangoes and, most important, bacon. Would it be so bad to remain here?

But then again, they can always come back.

The whale agrees to come back in a few days to give them time to make the harness., and then the party and the whale part ways for a time.

That night they are attacked by giant crabs, and after the battle is over they have an immediate crab roast.

Next Time: Riding the whale!

 

[Brain]

Some bits to add:
The cave with the chest was a puzzle of sorts, we couldn't get the trap door open. We tried all sorts of things, and when we ran out of stuff to try, Timothy got bored and started flying around in the cave. He found a clue on the ceiling that lead to the opening of the chest.

Timothy hid the two treasure maps in the spellbook he had (taken from the advisor on another island) at this point in the story.

Weeweerinwee is cool. And whale riding sounds like fun! (we'll see if it actually is)