Of Sound Mind the Halfling Way

[the Jester]

Awesome, it would make it alot easier to steal ideas and locations for my game if I had a map.


*thinks* Thankyou Jester a map would be great.


Doh.

Unfortunately, most of my maps are too big to scan cheaply, but at least an overview or two are definitely on the list of things to do.

Too bad about the issue with the size- my best map is of Dorhaus and one of my players painted it after I drew it, so it's a gorgeous 18x24 full color hand-rendered map of Dorhaus. Love that one!

 

[the Jester]

8/15/369 O.L.G., Dyshim’s Underdark

Our heroes are about two hours out from the trading post when they walk into an ambush.

They are walking up the gradual incline of the long caves they followed downward, hoping to get paid by the dwarves of Ft. Kintax. Federico is riding Portnoy, his new dog (he still gets all misty when he thinks of poor lost Ethel). Beau is puzzling over the map they bought at the trading post (being sure to spend the couple of hundred gold pieces to obtain the best one available). The party enters a long gallery cavern, with a pair of low balconies overlooking the lower part of the cave, and finds to their dismay that both balconies are swarming with orcish archers. More orcs, these wielding spears, are on the ground, and at the front is a huge ugly ogre gripping a spiked chain in his gauntleted hands.

“Good day,” the ogre rumbles, surprisingly, in Halfling. “My name is Bezzandine Triskelion.” He seems unusually well-spoken for an ogre. He gives the party a gruesome smile. “These are my boys. Before you can pass, little ones, you will have to pay us our toll.”

“Oh?” swaggers Beau. “And how much is your toll?”

“That depends,” replies Bezzandine. “How much do you have?”

It is one of those deciding moments for our heroes. There are more than a dozen orcs to deal with up here, plus the ogre. It might be wisest to pay them and go by peacefully. Yet... yet they are halflings. If they allow themselves to be victimized now are they not inviting further victimization of halflings later?

Perhaps, had they not become so seasoned to danger, our heroes would have taken the easy way out. But so many adventures they have been on, from the dragonstone and Bellhold’s possession to the Dogtooth Islands to their current adventures in the Underdark, that they have faced death a hundred times and more, and defeated him. And so now, secure in their might, aware of how strong they are growing, yet aware too of how deadly this could be, our heroes resolve to stand up to the bullying ogre.

Federico is a sweet little kobold. He says, “I suggest you let us past without paying!”

One of the orcs cries out, “Sorcery!” in orcish. Then there’s an explosion of movement and the battle is on. Before the ogre can react, Beau blasts him with a scorching ray to the face. He bellows in rage, whipping his spiked chain up. Federico squawks and dashes away from the front line, starting to jape and joke about how stupid ogres are. Meanwhile arrows and spears both are ramming into our heroes. The dogs are barking and growling as they leap at the enemy, trying to pull them down.

The ogre proves that he is not only well-spoken, he’s a cunning tactician and, yes, let’s go ahead and say it: smart. He’s a smart ogre. He whips that spiked chain around, flipping Brickneck onto his back with it and then slashing it across the dwarf. Then he pounds his chain into Brickneck again, and the dwarf spasms into unconsciousness, bleeding and groaning. Then the ogre trips Jawbreaker, who spends almost the entire battle fighting on his back!

Beau flings magical assaults everywhere. The orcs press their attack, but Jawbreaker cuts them down viciously left and right, laughing maniacally. Zeke cuts and thrusts, dueling with one orc of particular skill. He must be a lieutenant or something, thinks the freedom fighter.

Another of the orcs moves up next to Brickneck’s fallen form and begins chanting. To her horror, Hortense recognizes the spell. He’s casting death knell! she thinks. “Stop him!!” she shouts, but she’s too late. Fortunately the hardy monk manages to resist the death knell.

Scowling, the orcish priest rises from Brickneck’s fallen form and begins chanting and making passes through the air before him. Hortense recognizes this one as a summoning.

The orcs are starting to fold under the sustained attack of the halfling force and their dog allies. Though an orc does manage to break Beau’s nose, they are being pressed back. The shaman, meanwhile, casts a sound burst in the midst of our already-disarrayed heroes as a fiendish dire ape bounds up and begins tearing into our heroes. The party focuses on it (except for Beau, who fires another magic missile at the ogre), and soon it scrambles away from Jawbreaker’s furious series of attacks, at least momentarily.

For a moment our heroes have some breathing space, and Ezeekiel uses it to lay on hands upon Jawbreaker, who is bleeding from a multitude of orcish cuts and ape wounds. Beau keeps a steady burn of scorching rays on the ogre, who is starting to grimace. But now he’s reached Zeke, who manages to draw a line of blood on his chest with his axe.

“You’ll pay for that, little man!” Bezzadine roars, and his chain flips out, wraps around Ezeekiel’s axe and whips it from his hand! Then the other end slashes across the freedom fighter’s head, knocking him away and leaving his ears ringing with the force of the blow. Then a layer of thick grease, summoned by Federico, appears under the ogre. Still he maintains his feet. But another flare of scorching light from Beau fells the ogre at last! The grease bursts into flames, and Bezzadine twitches only briefly before expiring.

Behind him, the shaman chooses this moment to disappear from view. In orcish, the shaman’s voice floats across the room to his men: “FLEE!”

This order doesn’t seem to include the ape. It fights valiantly against our heroes, but Ezeekiel and Hortense press it long enough for Jawbreaker at last to stand. With a mighty bellow, he fells the orc. Federico is rushing around healing the injured dogs, while Beau fires a last spiteful magic missile to slay one of the fleeing orcs.

“Whew!” exclaims Ezeekiel.

***

After looting, our heroes return to the trading post to sell the mundane gear the bandit gang had. Two items are of particular interest, however: a top hat and a ring, both of which radiate magic. They get them identified at the trading post, and immediately give the top hat to Naomi (it is a hat of intellect +4). They are horrified at the ring’s properties.

“It’s cursed!” exclaims Naomi.

It allows one to live without eating. “Think of it,” Beau shudders. ”The horror! The horror!”

“Growing skinnier and skinnier... ugh!” Naomi shudders.

It is ironically called a ring of sustenance.

A number of other items that they have already identified are already in their possession, so they decide to dice to divide them up. In the end, Naomi gets the hat, the cursed ring goes to Ezeekiel, Martini receives a ring of protection +2, Federico a wand of tongues, and Jawbreaker takes the last item in question, a potion of cure serious wounds.

Then it’s back up the tunnel, once more attempting to reach the fort and get paid.

Next Time: Our heroes encounter a horror they dub- the Leg Holocaust! Don’t miss it!

 

[Brain]

The tophat was sized for a small creature, it looked really funny on the ogre. It still looks funny on Naomi, but for different reasons.

One thing I just remembered about that fight, when the shaman summoned the Ape, Hortense almost counterspelled it, but failed. Would have saved us a bunch of trouble if that had worked.

 

[Sandain]

Why scan? borrow a friends digital camera?

How do your players roll stats Jester? You seem to allow any Prc from any source?

 

[the Jester]

How do your players roll stats Jester? You seem to allow any Prc from any source?

4d6 drop the low die, arrange to taste.

I'll allow prcs from any source, but only after the specific prc meets my approval. (My prestige class doc, available at my Yahoo! group (Cydra), lists which ones you can take from a number of sources.)

For instance, Complete Warrior has cavalier (sure, take it!) and frenzied berserker (nuh-uh). Complete Divine has contemplative (like it) and radiant servant of Pelor (forget about it).

So, overall, it's case by case.

 

[the Jester]

The Leg Holocaust!

8/15/369, 4 p.m., Dyshim’s Underdark

Plodding along, our heroes try to be quiet, but their need for light outweighs any attempts at stealth they might manage. After all, a torch or a light spell underground, in a lightless realm of caves, can be seen unless something is in the way. Even the faintest glimmers are visible; it takes a few twists and turns of tunnel to completely blacken an area behind (or before) them.

And as they gradually begin again their ascent, seeking the exit to the dwarf-held Fort Kintax above, our heroes never even consider dispensing with the light. Without it, only Federico and their dwarven friend Brickneck Hot-Metal can see anything at all, thanks to their darkvision. Moving along through dangerous caverns like this blind is out of the question.

Ironically, however, it is not their light that gives them away; rather it is the noise they make as they progress.

Scuttling out of the darkness comes a horrible thing. At first the party takes it for some monstrous hairy spider the size of a cow; but then they realize it has more then eight legs. And then they realize that it is nothing but legs.

Swiftly, it scurries towards Beau, then slashes out at him with a leg. It has a deadly-looking claw on the end, and it tears through the halfling sorcerer in a shower of blood. He screams, then replies with a shocking grasp. The others leap to Beau’s defense; Hortense uses the healing wand she got as a reward from the god of riddles to keep him on his feet. Sandy, Zeke and several of the dogs rush forward, trying to drive the monster- immediately Federico dubs it a ‘leg holocaust’- away from Beau, but it’s having none of that. With a sickening thunk it spears Beau on a leg and starts to scuttle away with him. He jerks once, gives out an agonized cry, and stops moving.

“No!” shouts Sandy. “Don’t let it get away! Beau might still be alive!”

If he is, Hortense will save him if they can get him away from it. She was born for moments like this. She was born to be a healer. She steels herself to do what she must.

Brickneck Hot-Metal whips a tanglefoot bag from his considerable pack of gear and underhands it towards the leg holocaust. Unfortunately, it hits a stalactite hanging from the ceiling, discharging its sticky mess where it can do no good. With a snort, Brickneck leaps forward to the attack, landing a solid fist against the holocaust’s side.

Ezeekiel is in close melee with it, and it slashes and stabs him four times in six seconds. He staggers away, nearly insensate from the beating he just took, and then one of its hooked legs snags him and draws him in. In horror, he realizes that he’s been grappled.*

Hortense feels a pang of fear in her heart. No, I won’t let it take you! she vows. She invokes Fensor’s blessings and calls out to Ezeekiel. “I will take some of your pain!” she cries. She almost swoons as the monster squeezes him ruthlessly, and she absorbs some of the damage.

“Oh no!” exclaims Federico. He casts grease, and suddenly Zeke is coated in slick, slippery lard. He wriggles free of the leg holocaust gratefully, then strikes it again!

The monster seems to be thinking, Mmmm, greasy armored halfling, for it instantly springs to the attack on Zeke again, despite Jawbreaker and Sandy raining blows on it from either side. Once again the monster tears into the freedom fighter to terrible effect. Hortense has cast Fensor’s sword, but it keeps on missing!** It squeezes Ezeekiel again, and were it not for the shield other that Hortense had invoked, he would surely be dead! As it is his vision is beginning to grey out. He grits his teeth and struggles, but he’s weakening. He can’t muster enough strength to break free.

Fortunately for him, however, while the thing is focused on him Jawbreaker is maneuvering into position. And then he strikes, savaging the leg holocaust with his sword. It spasms, and then Jawbreaker sweeps around to hit it again, hewing deep into its central mass. Several legs slice free. The leg holocaust collapses.

Hortense sprints to Zeke’s side and casts cure moderate wounds on him. Then she rushes over to Beau.

Still alive!

And a cure moderate wounds for him too.

Soon both of them are up and around. Our heroes poke at the nasty corpse of the thing, but it seems to be slowly putrifying before their eyes. With a collective shudder they hurry on.

***

8/18/369 O.L.G., 11 a.m., Ft. Kintax, Dyshim

Without further incident, our heroes emerge three days later from the creepy tunnel that leads through the iron maiden in the torture chamber in the dungeons below Fort Kintax and ascend to seek their payment from the dwarves. Not only have they cleared the dungeons of danger, they have also learned much of the terrain below the fort. The dwarven leader, Derknin, is interested in all they can tell him, but he is a hard bargainer. Instead of proving eager to pay them for more information, he is willing to trade them passage into the Underdark via the fort in return for what information they can provide about it. He does gladly pay them for the services they have already rendered him, however, which makes our heroes cheerful indeed!

As they rest and recover, Naomi gives several of them tattoos. Federico gets a hot kobold bitch on his chest. Beau gets Timothy’s name on his left arm and Dogtooth’s on his right, with an anchor. Sandy gets ‘Power Through Justice’ tattooed across his shoulders and upper back.

After some debate, our heroes decide to go back into the Underdark. Their primary motivation?

“Let’s find those deep halflings,” urges Beau.

***

8/19/369 O.L.G., 8 p.m., Dyshim’s Underdark

Their first night back in the Underdark, our heroes rest at a crossroads that, according to the map they have, connects on the one hand to an undead city. It proves a bad place to watch. First a group of goblins (not from the direction of the undead city but rather coming from the other road in the crossroads and headed the other way), then a triceratops, and then a pair of skinless, acid-sprewing dwarven undead, and finally our heroes acknowledge that perhaps they have chosen a bad resting spot.*** So they pack up, wearily (and more than a little bloodily, at this point) trudge on further, and finally settle in to a deep sleep, with the first couple of guards pretty darn exhausted when all is said and done. They have a dwarven scout with them, named Bulwin, but they are not getting a very high opinion of him yet. But he is there to report back to Derknin above. And Brickneck enjoys his company, as a fellow dwarf. He asks if Bulwin has a sister or anything, desperately hoping to hitch his cousin up.

Then, Brickneck thinks, he’ll tell me where the Forge is!

***

The party spends about a day harvesting the triceratops, then travels through the darkness, exploring different caves. Periodically they encounter something dangerous; once it is another giant slug (they seem prevalent on Dyshim), once it is a cave trouble. That one is very close by the end, with both Sandy and Brickneck nearly bleeding to death. Fortunately, Naomi is able to bind the dwarf’s wounds enough to keep him alive, while Beau desperately digs out a potion that heals Sandy. “Whew!” Beau comments, “I didn’t know what that was a potion of!”

But it is dangerous down here, and their investigations soon ascertain that the halflings are past a kuo-toan realm- and, if their map is accurate, the kuo-toan caves are underwater.

Once they realize that, our heroes quickly give up on the thrills of the Underdark, at least for the time being. They finally re-emerge into Fort Kintax again and rest a day, eating and drinking with the dwarves, telling their tales, etc. In the morning they will set out again for Dovishtal, where Brickneck’s cousin pretty much runs things.

He has to tell me where the Forge is, thinks Brickneck for the millionth time. He has to!

Next Time: Shennanigans like you ain’t never seen! The most Jerry Springer dnd episode of all time, with dwarven beard-pulling, entirely inappropriate suggestions by the bushel, and maybe even a little insight into Brickneck’s cousin!


*And as we all know, the two things that consistently seem to kill members of this party are grappling and climbing. If you’re a new reader, the first two pcs to die did so via climbing and grappling, and the trend has continued.

**This is her version of spiritual hammer, er weapon. She didn’t hit with it for a long, long time. In fact, Fensor’s sword became notorious with the group for a while.

***I may be wrong, but I believe this was the time Martini got about a -20 on his Survival check to find a good place to camp. (We use exploding dice- roll a natural 1 and you reroll and subtract; roll a natural 20 and you reroll and add, etc.)

 

[the Jester]

Dwarven Jerry Springer

7/30/369 O.L.G., Dovishtal

Grimglad Hot-Metal snarls to himself. He’s in a foul temper, and he scowls at everyone he sees. He isn’t one to cross in Dovishtal, either; between him and Bazto, they pretty much run things. His alliance with the Bleakist has been one of the best decisions he ever made.

Not like going after the Forge.

Grimglad is dour even for a dwarf. He is the last survivor of his clan, whose depleted numbers mad an attempt to claim an ancestral forge several years ago. Several of them came to Grimglad with claims of having seen a ghost, but Grimglad himself never saw it and it never attacked them- until they fired up the forge. Then it came at them with a tremendous hammer, wailing, and slew several of them before they managed to destroy it. Unfortunately, it reformed several days later and slew them almost to a man; only Grimglad and his brother, Dimblad, survived. Staggering away, they realized that all their brethren lay dead behind them and the clan’s honor with them. On their way they quarreled, and it came to blows; the next morning, Grimglad went on alone. His journey ended in Dovishtal, and now, last survivor of his clan, he wants nothing more than to reclaim the Hot-Metal Forge.

Hidden away, aye, he thinks, but I have a map!

That evening, while he is running his hostel, some strangers come into town- mostly children, at first glance, but Grimglad is quickly disabused of that notion. They are halflings. With them is a dwarf, and naturally the fellow seeks out Grimglad.

Turns out, much to the surprise of each of them, that he’s a Hot-Metal, named Brickneck. Country cousin, thinks Grimglad scornfully, noting the dwarf’s overburdened cart, and a penny pincher to boot! Well, Brickneck, blood is thicker than water, but gold is thicker and heavier still. Nothing worth having is free, cousin.

During the evening Grimglad slips up and reveals that he has been to the forge. Brickneck begs him for the details of his encounter there, and more, for the location. Grimglad gives him the one without revealing the other.

“But, cousin!” Brickneck exclaims. “I want to seek it out, to reclaim it for our clan’s glory!”

“Nope.” Grimglad casts about for an excuse. “It’s too dangerous. There are only two of us left. You need to settle down and have kids so the clan doesn’t die.”

“I need to settle down?”

“Then I can go back to the forge to avenge my clanmates, secure that the line goes on.”

“Why don’t you get married? You have an establishment, you have a hostel here, you’ve got a life- I’m just a wandering aventurer.”

“That’s why it should be you. Too dangerous of a lifestyle. Settle down or die, that’s what adventurers do.”

They argue for some time, with Grimglad finally giving the impression that he’s willing to settle down for the right woman just to end the conversation.

And, when the strangers leave (claiming to be heading to Fort Kintax, burning his hill trash cousin’s wagon right in front of the hostel, and him trying to use the hostel as free storage- not likely!), Grimglad scowls and shakes his head. Falling in with halflings never leads a dwarf to a good end, he grumbles to himself, and promptly puts the encounter in the back of his mind, half-forgotten.

***

8/27/369 O.L.G., 8 p.m., Grimglad’s Hostel in Dovishtal

When Brickneck enters the hostel again, Grimglad starts. Damn fool, he thinks dourly, then scowls at the party. He remains, perpetually, in a foul temper which becomes severely agitated when Brickneck tries to reclaim his chain.

“You paid for a week and you been gone almost a month,” he grunts. “It’s mine.”

“What!” explodes Brickneck, and quickly a shouting match ensues in Dwarven. The hostel’s drinking patrons ogle the scene in disbelief. Then when the subject of wife hunting comes up things get even worse.

“I found a nice girl for you at Fort Kintax, now tell me where the Forge is!” demands Brickneck.

“Nope, I ain’t gettin’ married- you are,” Grimglad responds.*

”What!” Brickneck’s face is getting progressively redder and redder. They shout back and forth about who is getting married to whom, and who said what the last time Brickneck was here. Finally, with an inarticulate cry of rage, Brickneck seizes Grimglad by the beard! With a furious roar, Grimglad grabs hold of Brickneck’s beard as well! They begin pulling back and forth, screaming at each other at the top of their lungs, in a frenzied dwarven scene the likes of which nobody present has ever seen (or even imagined) before.

“It must be some kind of dwarven ceremonial wedding chain,” Federico comments from the sidelines. “Are they getting married?”

“You know,” Naomi says thoughtfully, “I can’t tell male from female with dwarves.”

The screaming rises in pitch suddenly as Brickneck staggers back, blood on his face. “Oh my god,” he groans.

“What happened?” cries Beau. A human is in his way. He jumps, but can’t see over the human’s head.

“He just ripped out Brickneck’s beard,” Sandy murmurs. He chuckles.

“I... I’m gonna KILL YOU!!!” shouts Brickneck, and his hands clench up. He starts to move forward, pushed past his breaking point, blood pouring from his mangled chin, and Federico finally does what he’s been trying to resist doing for a while.

He casts a suggestion. On Brickneck.

“Don’t kill him,” the kobold suggests, “kiss him!”

What a brilliant idea! cackles Naomi mentally, and uses her own psychic ability to suggest to the dwarves that they make out. Grimglad clouts Brickneck with a hammer as the monk moves in, and then Grimglad drops his hammer and sturggles hand to hand, crying out in dismay, as Brickneck pounces upon him and fights to press his lips to his cousin.

“What are you doing!” Grimglad cries out.

“Come to papa, baby!” Brickneck moans.

“What- this- what are you- stop, it’s- I- this isn’t right!” Ezeekiel is becoming quite flustered by all this. Mys is appalled. She has been traveling with our heroes thus far, but this is too much for her. She gives a strangled cry and runs out of the room. The rest of the party, however, is cackling with glee. Naomi moves behind the bar- Grimglad certainly isn’t doing his job right now- and starts dispensing drinks to everyone in the place.

Beau has to get in on this one now. He casts a ray of enfeeblement into the grapple, but unfortunately (from his perspective) he zaps Brickneck! Quickly, he casts another one and evens the odds again. In the grapple, Brickneck is kissing on and grinding against his cousin, who is trying mightily to resist him. So far Grimglad has thrown off several suggestions, including that he marry Brickneck. Nonetheless, the lover’s embrace that Brickneck is holding his cousin in is enough to keep him from escaping or reaching his hammer again. Federico casts a grease into the mix to keep things from getting boring, and then Brickneck pulls out some manacles.

“That’s enough,” says another voice. Our heroes look. The only other dwarf in the place has risen up. “You’ve had your fun and then some. Now you’re done. You should get out of here. I already sent someone to get help.” The crowd suddenly seems to realize that they have just witnessed the abject humiliation of the town’s not-so-nice boss. Several people hurry out. Several others pretend they haven’t been watching. But a lot of them figure the damage is done, and maybe they’re right. Still more stand up to back up the dwarf. Maybe if they try to help out now Grimglad will remember them favorably.

Our heroes immediately can see that there is nothing to gain by staying here at this point. They gather their effects and hurry out. Behind them, Grimglad screams, “You’ll pay for this! You’ll all pay!”

“Let’s get outta here,” Sandy urges. They mount their dogs- at least, those who have them- and move quickly to the wilds out of Dovishtal.

Everyone but Brickneck gets a good laugh out of it, even moreso when Jawbreaker cracks, “Hey Brickneck, you have baby now? Haw haw!”

Brickneck makes his weird noise- “NNNHHH!”- and gets ready to spring at Jawbreaker, anger roaring through him. Before he does anything that he’ll regret, Naomi suggests to him that he go do some cartwheels.

About three hours out of Dovishtal our heroes rest in a gulley, then give a long pep talk to Brickneck. “You’ve passed the test,” Federico opines. “Now you’re in.”

“Test? In?”

”Yeah, you know- like an initiation.”

“But- my beard!”

“Hey, that was your own fault. We didn’t have anything to do with that.”

“Yeah,” Naomi interjects, “we just helped along afterward.” Brickneck sighs unhappily. They make camp, determining to return to Sritivara after a rest. Ezeekiel is more than a little worried about the state it is in; they left it without much of a functional government.

He should be.

Next Time: Return to Sritivara!

*When we were playing, it was here that the Jerry Springer jokes started, and it only escalated as we went on.

 

[the Jester]

Assuming I remember to bring it with me, I'm going to try to scan a map of Dyshim at work tonight, maybe also the map of the Underdark that the pcs got.

 

[Brain]

Here's a thread inspired by that game session.

James, if you see this before you go to work, also try to scan the Timothy treasure maps if you can. I think your story hours could use more visualization.

 

[omrob]

HOT Hot-Metal

I remember thinking at the time...

"Oh no Somebodys gonna get hurt, maybe die! We need a peaceful resolution..."

That's what prompted Federico to suggest that his other party member make Love not War...

IT just kinda got sillier from that point, with Grimglad trying to resist, and Naomi and my addl suggestions...

Too bad Grimglad got all freaked out by the brotherly love...

hehhehe