Only play with people you'd be friends with...

[Telperion]

I see this over and over in threads.

Why?

Why be so isolated and restrictive in your thinking? Why NOT game with people completely outside your social circle? Broaden your horizons!

Sure, they might suck. Hard. But so might you! So too some of the people you do hang out with. How will you ever know what kind of cool and interesting people you might find, befriend, come to know, if you stick only to what you know?

GROW! Play with people you don't socialize with. People you don't work with. People you wouldn't necessarily invite to dinner. People you don't like! Learn how to deal with it. Their quirks, their strange ways of thinking. Listen to their oddball logic and opinions. And maybe, just maybe, you might learn something about yourself in the process. Or grow beyond your established mental patterns.

I agree with your thinking. I use the local university to recruit new players. 90% of those players that I DM for are total strangers to me and to each other. Sometimes people simply don't like what I offer them, but far more often they like what I show them and stick around. Some players don't stick around for no longer than a single session, but that's okay. Since I have a large pool from which to draw players from there will always be others who are more interested in my games.

The thing is that I can't spend actual campaign time finding the right people to game with. So, I run practise session at the local RPG club before introducing them to my campaign. Everyone interested can attend these practise sessions, and it really is a nice chance for newbies to get into the game a bit before being thrown into a full-fledged campaign.

The reality is that I don't like everyone that I game with, but that doesn't stop me from having a good time with them. Once I leave the game they are out of my life until the next game. No hassle, no trouble. I also allow every player in my campaigns the possibility of stepping out gracefully. When strangers start playing with each other it is quite possible that personalities clash, but I have found that most players can keep their personal lives seperate as well as I can as a DM.

 

[Herpes Cineplex]

Once I leave the game they are out of my life until the next game.

Meh. I get enough of that kind of impersonal interaction with other people at work and out in public. Given the choice (and there's always a choice), I'd rather spend my leisure time having fun with people I know and like and actually want to have in my life, y'know?

It's not that gaming with people I don't know and don't give a rat's ass about is necessarily bad or something that I'd never do under any circumstances: it's just not something I would make into a regular habit. If I went to a convention, sure. If I was invited by someone who seemed kinda cool to just drop in for a session, fine. But I sure as hell wouldn't waste my time going to a weekly game with people who I don't know and don't particularly want to know, just so I can play something; I could be spending that time having fun with my actual friends instead, and that's always going to be the winning choice.

I might feel differently if I had hours and hours of free time going to waste, I suppose. But I don't, and until I do, I'll stick to only using gaming-with-strangers as a last-resort entertainment option or as a way of looking for new, interesting people to make friends with and bring into our existing group.

--
since it's the best way to poach good players from other groups
ryan

 

[Telperion]

Meh. I get enough of that kind of impersonal interaction with other people at work and out in public. Given the choice (and there's always a choice), I'd rather spend my leisure time having fun with people I know and like and actually want to have in my life, y'know?

Yes, well maybe what I said was a bit extreme. For the most part I get along just fine with everyone I game with. The reason why I brought up the figure 90% is because that's how it is at the moment. However that'll change in about a month when I start playing in a Sabbat Chronicle. I know all of the players in the group and am close friends with most of them.

But aside from that this really is just an opinion. Everyone's got one and mine is that a high level of personal attachment between DM - Players and Players - Players isn't as good as playing with people you don't really know. As an example: I'm running political back-stabbing campaign that permits everything aside from directly killing (you can hire assassins) another player. I don't want to cause any break-ups or destroy relationships with my games. Playing with people you are willing to hate, love or not really care about is a good thing in this sort of a game.

Aside from the practice sessions that I use to recruit new players I only run hardcore campaigns, which to me means that no single game will finnish inside two years without a TPK or the players leaving the game for one reason or another (the latter has never happened while the former has happened a couple of times). This means that if you stick with me you will get to know the others players. How well you want to get to know them is totally up to you, but at the same time no one is forcing you to be everyone's best friend.

It's game and we are all there to enjoy it. Whether or not we form other relationships as a side-effect is of secondary importance to me.

 

[Numion]

Meh. I get enough of that kind of impersonal interaction with other people at work and out in public. Given the choice (and there's always a choice), I'd rather spend my leisure time having fun with people I know and like and actually want to have in my life, y'know?

...snip...

I might feel differently if I had hours and hours of free time going to waste, I suppose. But I don't, and until I do, I'll stick to only using gaming-with-strangers as a last-resort entertainment option or as a way of looking for new, interesting people to make friends with and bring into our existing group.

Thats better said what I was trying to say. Spending the limited time each of us has together. For me 50% of the experience is the game, and 50% is seeing my friends. If I gamed with strangers it would be a bit, you know, half-assed

Of course there would be the option of having additional gaming done with strangers, on top regular friends group..

 

[Gnarlo]

I play with friends and family and always have; it's how I choose to spend the limited free time that I have these days. I'm about as likely to game with people I don't care for as I am to go out to dinner and a movie with them.

I don't use gaming to improve myself. Maybe when d20 Breakfast Club comes out, I'll reconsider.

 

[diaglo]

I think you're taking the sentiment a bit out of context. We're not that insular. 50% of my current group that I run for I met through ENWorld, as a matter of fact, so they weren't my friends first and then in my group later; rather it was a little bit the other way around.

However, I still strongly agree with the sentiment; life's too short to play with a bunch of jerks. Everyone I've gamed with regularly, whether they started out as close friends or not, was someone that grew to become friends, because we had enough in common that we actually enjoyed being together, chatting before, after (and during) the game, and generally doing more than simply playing and then turning around and going home.

all of the gamers i've played with in the last 4+ years i've met thru online or friends of people i met online.

i didn't know any of them before we gamed.

the only thing we had in common to start was gaming.

there is nothing wrong with starting with a common interest and building a friendship.

of the 35+ people i've played with in that time only 2 of them made me uncomfortable. and i only gamed with each of them just 1 session.

 

[hong]

Pappy diaglo, please tell us the story of the vampire roleplayer again!

 

[diaglo]

Pappy diaglo, please tell us the story of the vampire roleplayer again!

a very bad day at the races that one was....

and he wasn't even playing. he was the boyfriend of one of the players just come to watch us game. i didn't include him in the list above...

 

[just__al]

I am currently in two groups.

The first group is my weekly game, consisting of my wife and a bunch of our friends. We all know each other the Rocky Horror cast I used to direct (except for my poker buddy). This game is very fun. We take turns DM'ing (at 4-6 month stretches). I like this game because it is all my friends. I cook before the game every week and we all pitch in for the cost of food. Last year when I was DM'ing I invited a co-worker to the game and it was a disaster, his last session almost ended in a fist fight in my living room. All that was ever said about it was "obviously I won't be coming back, I'm sorry"

He didn't fit in and eventually it came to a head. He had other problems and was eventually fired at work to, but whatever.

The other group I play in I know a few people from Rocky and there are 3 people who are friends of the DM. One of the people I know from Rocky was in the first group when it started about 2 years ago but he left the group. I was very happy to see him go as he was not my favorite person. I was not happy he was there when I showed up for this game (but if I thought about it I should have known) but he doesn't get on my nerves anymore, I think it's because he isn't interacting with my wife who really, really can't stand him.

I enjoy playing in this group, not as much as the first group, but because we play everyother week, everybody is focused on gaming instead of gaming and hanging out and it's a different vibe that I sometimes enjoy. I think I actually get more into character because I'm not as concerned about having a good time with my friends but having a good time gaming.

 

[GoodKingJayIII]

I completely agree Chimera. In fact, gaming with friends is one of the problems I have with one of my gaming groups. We're all very good friends and enjoy hanging out with each other. But we each have different playing styles. Some like roleplaying, some hack n' slash, monte haul, character manufacturing, etc. It's really difficult to play in that environment.

Plus there are different kinds of friendships in life. You don't have to tell everyone your deepest secrets or hang out all the time. If there's a group of people that meet once a week for a specific purpose, they enjoy themselves, and generally get along, that's a friendship of sorts, and not at all unhealthy. That's just the nature of the relationship. As time goes on, perhaps it will run deeper or perhaps not. It all depends on the nature of the group.