Orlando Bloom does not exist.

[Branduil]

From http://www.tolkienonline.com/thewhitecouncil/messageview.cfm?catid=13&threadid=72358

"Orlando Bloom does not exist."

Well, the thread title says it all. I assert that Orlando Bloom, in fact, is a non-entity. How can I say this? Elementry, my dear Figwit.

1) Let us consider the probabilities of such a person existing. This easily shows the unlikelihood of his existence. First, he's a star. The probability of being a star is approximately 1 in a million. Second, he's very attractive. Another 1 in a million chance. Thirdly, he stars in several of the most popular films of our time. Again, what are the odds? 1 in a million. So multiply those odds together:1000000x1000000x1000000= 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 chance of Orlando Bloom actually existing.

2) His physical appearance and manners. First, he is only capable of odd, monotone statements like "Orcs!" and "They've taken Elizabeth." Also, take the much-noted Legolas horse-mounting trick. We know Bloom was cgi in this scene. Yet he looks much the same as the "normal" bloom does. Coincidence? Or maybe horse-mounting Orly isn't the only Orly that's CGI.

This might seem unlikely to you, but then again, think about how realistic Gollum was. Now imagine if all of hollywood put their creative minds together to create an unstoppable CGI film star. The evidence supports this idea. First, in an interview last year, Bloom was heard to remark "All your base are belong to us. 101011100110010101." Secondly, I have reason to suspect randomly generated AI programs are covertly advertising Bloom online in chat rooms under the guise of real people. These programs can be identified by their use of code, such as "OMGor-LI iz teh l337!!!11" I am still trying to identify the secret subliminal messaging present in this code.

3) There is no scientific evidence he exists. Really, how much proof are pictures and film? Ever heard of photoshop? The fact is, people make stuff up, and people want to believe in a "hot" young movie star. I could just as easily say he has an invisible pink unicorn as his agent. It has as much basis in proof as his existence. Even you don't believe that Gollum really exists. When you understand why you reject Gollum's existence, you will understand why I reject Bloom's existence.

So you see I have conclusively proven that Orlando Bloom is a hollywood conspiracy created to draw female fans to the theatres. Well, it's time for the truth to come out. I know it's hard to accept, but we must do so, for the sake of our world, our countries, and our families.

~ElfStar

Thought some might like this.

 

[Darrin Drader]

Tell that to Kai Lord.

 

[Kai Lord]

Tell that to Kai Lord.

What are you talking about?

 

[Ranger REG]

So, who is that actor playing a blacksmith in Johnny Depp's Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl?

 

[Frostmarrow]

-Blacksmith? I certainly didn't spot one.

 

[Mark]

From http://www.tolkienonline.com/thewhitecouncil/messageview.cfm?catid=13&threadid=72358

"Now imagine if all of hollywood put their creative minds together..."

The theory kinda breaks down about there, doesn't it?

 

[Darrin Drader]

What are you talking about?

touché

 

[John Crichton]

I think both Kai Lord and Orlando Bloom were created in a lab and unleashed on an unprepared digital world. They are both advanced computer programs based on complex algorithms that are running off some 18 year old's spare P3 that tend to pop up here and there, sometime in film, sometimes on popular gaming message boards...



That article is funny as hell. Almost laughed one of my eyes right out of the socket.

 

[Viking Bastard]

I *knew* it!

In fact, I think he's a newer version of an older program:

Heath Ledger!

 

[Tarrasque Wrangler]

Whoa whoa WHOA!

Gollum was fake?