[OT] 101 ways to tell someone "Crystal doesn't live here."

[F5]

There are two kinds of telemarketers. There's the poor schmuck who just took the job for the deperately-needed money, and therea re the jerks. I considered myself one of the good ones, when I worked as a telemarketer for a summer. The company was evil, and expected you to call people at 7AM and badger them. They had a script you were supposed to follow to the letter, which was designed to get people to agree to service without realizing it. So, I made a note of every disconnected or out-of service number I could find, and I made sure to call only those numbers between the hours of 7 and 9:30. Every now and then, while the "morale nazi" was watching, I'd go through the script for a bit, to make it look official, while the phone was telling me to please hang up and try my call again. I got employee of the month once.

My friend was a telemarketing jerk. DrNuncheon, here's something you can try with your Crystal callers. He got yelled at by a guy once, so he called back latetr and got his answering machine; "Hi, you've reached Jim and suzie. Leave a message!" He left a message something to the effect of "Jim, you lying b@$^$tard, this is Bruce. You said you were leaving that b^*$ch Susan. You know our love was meant to be, and if you insist on pretending to be straight than you're living a lie! Did that night mean nothing to you? I'm leaving you, Jim. This is goodbye!". Downright evil. The day I quit, he got up from his chair and walked out with me. "Where do you think you're going?" asked the morale nazi. "He's my ride," my friend replied, and never went back.

Don't ever bother telling a telemarketer to go to hell. I assure you they're already there.

 

[D-rock]

Do you ever notice that telemarketers don't call the area of the country where they are located. My brother worked telemarketing for a short when that was all that was avalible to him and he was glad that they called so far away. That way you never had to worry about some disgruntled guy showing up on the doorstep. My solution would be to never let them call more than thirty miles away. Then lets see how that office manager deals with the half psyco guy thats had his dinner interupted five times this week.

 

[Pielorinho]

hmmmm comparing telemarketers to drug dealers? That's about the most rediculous statement I've ever heard.

Not as ridiculous as comparing them to Nazis -- possibly the worst violation of Godwin's Law I've seen. Give it a rest, guys.

Whenever a telemarketer calls, as soon as I recognize what they're doing, I interrupt them and say, "Could you please put me on your 'do not call' list?" About 95% of the time they say yes; I then thank them, they thank me, and we hang up. It's a pleasant exchange that doesn't leave either of us with high blood pressure. Better yet, it gets me off one more list, and now I get very few calls.

The other 5% of the time, they act as if I'm stupid, and say (for example), "But don't you understand that I'm offering you a fantastic deal on earwax removal?" At which point, I throw the 'tude back in their face: "I'm sorry, but don't you know you're violating federal law by continuing your sales pitch after I've asked you to put me on your do not call list?"

And THAT line works every single time.

I knew people who had to choose between working for a telemarketing firm and dropping out of college: when the job market is tight, you do what you can. You don't have to put up with the aggravation, but you've got an ethical obligation to treat them (as all human beings) with respect.

At any rate, this technique gets you off telemarketer's lists, so it's more practical than yelling at them.

On the Crystal subject: "Naw, man! I thought she was over there!" (then they say something) "[giggles] Dude, cut it out, lemme talk to Crystal." (then they say something) "Seriously, dude, just put her on for a second. I want her to pick up some phone books on the way home. You know, those things you look people's numbers up in, instead of calling my house and asking for people that don't live here?"

Daniel

 

[Numion]

Do you ever notice that telemarketers don't call the area of the country where they are located. My brother worked telemarketing for a short when that was all that was avalible to him and he was glad that they called so far away. That way you never had to worry about some disgruntled guy showing up on the doorstep. My solution would be to never let them call more than thirty miles away. Then lets see how that office manager deals with the half psyco guy thats had his dinner interupted five times this week.

Are the telemarketers really that bad in the US? I've seen numerous complaints about them.. Here in finland I've got about 2 calls in the 4 years I've lived on my own.

And if they always call when you're dining, why just not turn the phone on silent? I've only got a cellphone, so it's not that hard to control who calls me and such. So no big trouble with telemarketers.

 

[Tsyr]

Are the telemarketers really that bad in the US? I've seen numerous complaints about them.. Here in finland I've got about 2 calls in the 4 years I've lived on my own.

And if they always call when you're dining, why just not turn the phone on silent? I've only got a cellphone, so it's not that hard to control who calls me and such. So no big trouble with telemarketers.

I get about 2 calls a day.

And it's not just dining... sleeping (Some of us hold odd hours), bathing, using the facilities, etc etc.

Besides, I rather value the phone as what it's meant for... a means of valid communication. Therefor, I don't feel the need to shoot myself in the foot because some people think that annoying me is a valid source of income.

 

[DustTC]

My friend was a telemarketing jerk. DrNuncheon, here's something you can try with your Crystal callers. He got yelled at by a guy once, so he called back latetr and got his answering machine; "Hi, you've reached Jim and suzie. Leave a message!" He left a message something to the effect of "Jim, you lying b@$^$tard, this is Bruce. You said you were leaving that b^*$ch Susan. You know our love was meant to be, and if you insist on pretending to be straight than you're living a lie! Did that night mean nothing to you? I'm leaving you, Jim. This is goodbye!". Downright evil. The day I quit, he got up from his chair and walked out with me. "Where do you think you're going?" asked the morale nazi. "He's my ride," my friend replied, and never went back.

Hardly very smart. Suppose this actually works. People have probably been sued and convicted for less.

Just goes to show telemarketers are indeed a 50/50 split between 'clueless & desperate' and 'bloody idiots'.

 

[hammymchamham]

I just tell telemarketers to take my name off their list, I am not interested (at least 3 times, if they are persistant after that I will ask for their manager), and then tell them to have a good night. I'll only be rude if they are rude to me. I deal with enough rude people durring the day to "share the love"

Idea for Crystal?

"Is Crystal here? So thats the name of my victim...."

 

[EricNoah]

Say goodnight, gracie...