BeholderBurger
First Post
Poor joke
My friend is such a tightass that when he farts only dogs can hear him!!
My friend is such a tightass that when he farts only dogs can hear him!!
[OT] A joke a post.
- Thread starter JacktheRabbit
- Start date
Okay, these are BAD jokes!
What is the most effective means of birth control since the days of Adam and Eve?
.....Laughter
[Editted out joke that broke the grandma rule...Dinkeldog]
Why do orcs have such big nostrils?
.....Just look at the size of their fingers.
How do you find a rathole?
.....Lift its tail.
What is the most effective means of birth control since the days of Adam and Eve?
.....Laughter
[Editted out joke that broke the grandma rule...Dinkeldog]
Why do orcs have such big nostrils?
.....Just look at the size of their fingers.
How do you find a rathole?
.....Lift its tail.
Last edited by a moderator:
kingpaul
First Post
What is the 1st phone # mentioned in the Bible?
...ADAM-8-1-2
When is the 1st tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
...When Joseph served on Pharoh's court
When is the 1st baseball game mentioned in the Bible?
...In the Big Inning
When is the 1st football game mentioned in the Bible?
...When Jesus warned the Disciples to "Beware the leaven of the Pharisees"
...ADAM-8-1-2
When is the 1st tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
...When Joseph served on Pharoh's court
When is the 1st baseball game mentioned in the Bible?
...In the Big Inning
When is the 1st football game mentioned in the Bible?
...When Jesus warned the Disciples to "Beware the leaven of the Pharisees"
kingpaul
First Post
A rich man immigrates to the United States, and becomes an active member of a Roman Catholic parish. After living in the states for about a month, this man buys a plot of land and hires a fellow parishioner, who owns a construction company, to build his house. The immigrant is adamant that a "Halo Statue" be in the front room. Not wanting to appear stupid, the construction man agrees to this demand. Shortly after construction starts, the construction man asks his priest what a Halo Statue is. The priest is dumbfounded, as he's never heard of this. A letter is sent off to the Bishop asking for guidance. The Bishop responds back that he has never heard of a Halo Statue, but he has contacted the College of Cardinals for guidance. They respond back stating that they have never heard of this item, but, perhaps, the Holy Father might know. Several months later, as the house is nearing completion, a message from the Pope arrives.
"The Catholic church recognizes no item or icon known as a Halo Statue."
The construction man, highly embarassed, goes to the immigrant and asks what a Halo Statue is.
"Stupid American, its that thing that rings in your house, you pick it up and say 'Halo, Statue'?"
"The Catholic church recognizes no item or icon known as a Halo Statue."
The construction man, highly embarassed, goes to the immigrant and asks what a Halo Statue is.
"Stupid American, its that thing that rings in your house, you pick it up and say 'Halo, Statue'?"
kingpaul
First Post
Three men are debating what part of their income they should give to God.
Man 1: "You draw a circle on the ground, and throw your money in the air. Whatever lands outside of the circle you give to God."
Man 2: "No, no, no. You draw the circle and throw the money, yes, but whatever lands inside the circle you give to God."
Man 3: "No, no, no. You throw the money in the air, and whatever God wants, He'll take."
Man 1: "You draw a circle on the ground, and throw your money in the air. Whatever lands outside of the circle you give to God."
Man 2: "No, no, no. You draw the circle and throw the money, yes, but whatever lands inside the circle you give to God."
Man 3: "No, no, no. You throw the money in the air, and whatever God wants, He'll take."
kingpaul
First Post
The fans of Barney and the fans of the Teletubbies are sick and tired over all the jokes and insults that each of their shows endure. They decide to have an American rules football game to decide the issue...the loser of the game would have to absorb all the jokes and insults, while the winner would no longer be made fun of. The teams square off, and its a non-scoring game the first three quarters. Late in the fourth quarter, a passing truck back-fires. The Teletubby team, thinking the game is over, marches off the field. Three downs later, the Barney team scores.
Mathew_Freeman
Adventurer
OK, here we go, my favourite bad joke of all time:
There are two friends, Sanfran and Jean-Paul. And they die. Well, it happens to everyone sooner or later. Now Jean-Paul, being a good man, goes to Heavan, and Sanfran, being a bit of a rogue in his time, goes to Hell.
After a few weeks, Jean-Paul rings up Sanfran and asks him how it is in Hell. "It's great! There are drugs, women, parties, drinking...all the time! I haven't had so much fun being bad in years! How's Heavan?"
"Ack, it's so boring. All I'm allowed to do is sit around on my cloud and polish my harp. It's horrible."
They chat for a bit longer, when suddenly Jean-Paul gets an idea:
"Hey, why don't I ask God if I can come and visit you, for old times sake?"
Sanfran agrees, and so Jean-Paul goes to God and asks him if he can go visit his old friend Sanfran in Hell. God considers this, and says "You May Visit Him, But Only On Two Conditions. One, You Must Return By Midnight, And Two, You Must Take Your Harp With You."
Jean-Paul thinks this sounds great, so he heads off to Hell for an evening of entertainment. He takes the Celestial Elevator down to Hell, and has a great night out boozing, dancing and flirting with da ladeez...
At 11.58pm, he suddenly realises he has to get back, and so he runs up to the Celestial Elevator, jumps on and shoots back up to Heavan. God is waiting for him.
"Well Jean-Paul, You Have Come Back In Time. But, Please, Where Is Your Harp?"
Jean-Paul looks around, claps his hand to his forehead and says:
"OH NO! I left my harp in Sanfran's disco!"
[read it out loud if you don't get it first time...]
There are two friends, Sanfran and Jean-Paul. And they die. Well, it happens to everyone sooner or later. Now Jean-Paul, being a good man, goes to Heavan, and Sanfran, being a bit of a rogue in his time, goes to Hell.
After a few weeks, Jean-Paul rings up Sanfran and asks him how it is in Hell. "It's great! There are drugs, women, parties, drinking...all the time! I haven't had so much fun being bad in years! How's Heavan?"
"Ack, it's so boring. All I'm allowed to do is sit around on my cloud and polish my harp. It's horrible."
They chat for a bit longer, when suddenly Jean-Paul gets an idea:
"Hey, why don't I ask God if I can come and visit you, for old times sake?"
Sanfran agrees, and so Jean-Paul goes to God and asks him if he can go visit his old friend Sanfran in Hell. God considers this, and says "You May Visit Him, But Only On Two Conditions. One, You Must Return By Midnight, And Two, You Must Take Your Harp With You."
Jean-Paul thinks this sounds great, so he heads off to Hell for an evening of entertainment. He takes the Celestial Elevator down to Hell, and has a great night out boozing, dancing and flirting with da ladeez...
At 11.58pm, he suddenly realises he has to get back, and so he runs up to the Celestial Elevator, jumps on and shoots back up to Heavan. God is waiting for him.
"Well Jean-Paul, You Have Come Back In Time. But, Please, Where Is Your Harp?"
Jean-Paul looks around, claps his hand to his forehead and says:
"OH NO! I left my harp in Sanfran's disco!"
[read it out loud if you don't get it first time...
]
Ashrem Bayle
Explorer
A duck waddles into a bar and goes to sit up by the counter. The bartender, noticing the duck, walks over to take his order. Before he can ask what he wants, the duck asks:
Duck: Hey man. You got any grapes?
Bartender: Sorry. We don't serve grapes.
Duck: Cool man.
The duck gets down and waddles away.
The next day....
The same duck waddles into the same bar and goes to sit up by the counter. The same bartender, noticing the duck, walks over to take his order. Before he can ask what he wants, the duck asks:
Duck: Hey man. You got any grapes?
Bartender: I thought I told you yesterday. We don't serve grapes here.
Duck: Ok. Cool man.
The duck gets down and waddles away.
The next day....
The same duck waddles into the same bar and goes to sit up by the counter. The same bartender, noticing the duck, walks over to take his order. Before he can ask what he wants, the duck asks:
Duck: Hey man. You got any grapes?
Bartender: $#!7 I told you yesterday! We don't have any grapes here! You come in here tomarrow asking about grapes and I'll nail your beek to the counter! You got that!?
Duck: Cool man.
The duck gets down and waddles away.
The next day....
The same duck waddles into the same bar and goes to sit up by the same counter. The same bartender, noticing the duck, walks over to take his order.
Duck: Hey man. You got any nails?
Bartender: Nails? No.
Duck: Cool man. You got any grapes?
Duck: Hey man. You got any grapes?
Bartender: Sorry. We don't serve grapes.
Duck: Cool man.
The duck gets down and waddles away.
The next day....
The same duck waddles into the same bar and goes to sit up by the counter. The same bartender, noticing the duck, walks over to take his order. Before he can ask what he wants, the duck asks:
Duck: Hey man. You got any grapes?
Bartender: I thought I told you yesterday. We don't serve grapes here.
Duck: Ok. Cool man.
The duck gets down and waddles away.
The next day....
The same duck waddles into the same bar and goes to sit up by the counter. The same bartender, noticing the duck, walks over to take his order. Before he can ask what he wants, the duck asks:
Duck: Hey man. You got any grapes?
Bartender: $#!7 I told you yesterday! We don't have any grapes here! You come in here tomarrow asking about grapes and I'll nail your beek to the counter! You got that!?
Duck: Cool man.
The duck gets down and waddles away.
The next day....
The same duck waddles into the same bar and goes to sit up by the same counter. The same bartender, noticing the duck, walks over to take his order.
Duck: Hey man. You got any nails?
Bartender: Nails? No.
Duck: Cool man. You got any grapes?
Last edited:
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