[OT] Answering Machine (Need Ideas)

[Macbeth]

I just finished seetting up a phone in my dorm room, but I am left with a bit of a problem: What shall I record as the message you hear before leaving a message? Right now, I have George from Seinfeld's "Beleive it or not, I'm not home" but I'm looking for something more creative, and hopefully, more humorous.

So anybody got ideas for a good answering machine message?

 

[Desdichado]

Just be careful -- anything that's funny once is likely to be really annoying after you hear it half a dozen times.

 

[Crothian]

And most of the messages aren't even funny once. Go with some like "I'm out gaming, roll a die and leave a message" Sureit's lame and not that funny, but it's short so it is much less annoying.

 

[Macbeth]

Hmmm... difference of opinion, I geuss. I have heared some absolutely hillarious phone messages that didn't seem to make leaving a message a chore, but none that I could use (hence this thread). If you don't think you can have a funny, functional message, fine, I just wouldn't call me...
Either way, I'm still interested in ideas, even though crothian and Joshua Dyal both have good points.

 

[LightPhoenix]

"Hi, this is Macbeth, leave your name and number, I'll get back to you as soon as possible."

I agree, "funny" ones tend to get really annoying after a while, and the only thing that, IMO, makes leaving a message a chore is sitting through a long phone machine message. Additionally, if I have (had ) people calling my place on business, I wouldn't want them listening to something goofy. Some people you're just supposed to be serious with.

 

[fusangite]

"_______'s answering machine is broken right now. So this phone is being answered by his fridge. If you want to leave him a message, please speak very slowly after the tone so I can write it down and stick it to myself with one of those magnets."

 

[Barendd Nobeard]

Set your machine to answer after four rings (or as long as you can).

The record a message that's like this:

(out of breath, as if you just ran a mile to answer the phone): Hello? .... Hello?! ... Is anyone there? beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

If they're dumb enough to fall for it and don't leave a message, you don't wanna waste time talking to 'em anyway.

 

[Pielorinho]

I used to leave long messages. For example:

"What will be your first cybernetic enhancement? Mine will be a spinny nose. Because many of my friends will get laser eyes, and with their laser eyes, and my spinny nose, together we can play CDs. Leave your name, number, and first cybernetic enhancement after the beep."

The joy was the responses I would get. Some people would play along and tell me about their cybernetic enhancements. Some people would be laughing too hard to leave a coherent message. My father would bitch and bitch about having to sit through the entire message each time he called (which invariably cracked me up -- he was so whiny about it that I never did explain how you can bypass a voicemail message by hitting the pound key). And then there was my favorite message: a guy who was probably three sheets to the wind, yelling, "Sonja?.....Sonja?.....What the HELL was that, Sonja?"

So that's my suggestion: leave a meandering message that asks people a strange question. Ask them their preferred manner of death; what dangers the seven seas hold; to leave tehir message in rhyme; and so forth.

Or you can do as my mathematician friend did, and leave the following message in a pleasantly neutral voice:

"You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your telephone ninety degrees and call again."

Daniel

 

[Henry]

A friend of mine, back when cute messages were trendy, set up his soundblaster card in his computer to say,

"Hello, this is _____'s Answering Machine; I cannot answer the phone right now - I am having sex with the Microwave. Leave a Message."


God, he got a lot of humor-mileage out of that thing.

 

[Tewligan]

My answering machine message used to tell callers that they had reached the headquarters of NAHRLA - the North American Human-Robot Love association, a group dedicated to the promotion of physical love between humans and robots. Callers were advised to leave their name, number, and a brief message if they would like to receive free literature. Actually, a friend of mine set up a fake NAHRLA website as well - hmm, wonder if it still exists...