"Dave's of the boards, you have one, and only one hope. Swear allegiance to me, and you will be spared. I was a Dave before being gifted with the domain of comfort, and despite that black mark, I have made a place for myself in the pantheon of this realm, and many others. Trust in your connection to my Dave-ness, and you too will be assimilated! Throw yourselves at my feet and I in my magnanimous mercy will shield you from the approaching maelstrom of destruction. Should you not succumb, you will be slain!!!!!"