[OT] KDLadage's First Annual Christmas Limerick Contest! <- WINNERS ANNOUNCED

[Moulin Rogue]

There once was a well-mannered orc
Who ate all of his food with a fork.
Said the elf "that's quite fine,
But to get at the wine
It's much better to just pull the cork."

 

[KDLadage]

Almost done...

Well... the clock on my computer reads 11:47 PM on Christmas Eve... this gives you about 13 minutes to humor me for the prizes!

That's right -- prizes. I have uncovered a 2nd and 3rd place prize from my books -- I will announce it when I announce the winner...



And Merry Christmas All -- and a Happy New Year!

 

[Sixchan]

There once was a poet called Six
Who liked to write fun limericks
"Come on! We've had fun,
but tell us, WHO WON?
I hope you won't hush up for kicks!"

Come on, We're waiting...

 

[Moulin Rogue]

Here are some more I didn't post in favour of my official one (maybe you'll think these are better, who knows). The last one especially needs to be taken tongue-in-cheek!

There was a Red Wizard from Thay
Who was stopped by a threatening fey.
"Think you're scary?" huffed he;
She replied "You tell me,
I'm colossal and miles away."

There was a high-level PC
Who was locked in a room with no key.
"With a miracle spell
I'd get out of this cell,
But I leveled and lack the XP!"

You know the big ogre I hired?
Well, consider his service retired.
I neglected to mention
Our big hairy henchman
Will rage since the charm spell's expired.

There was a designer named Monte
Whose Vile Book raised up the ante.
His fans all felt delight
But oops! Jack Chick was right
We're doomed to the Inferno of Dante!

 

[KDLadage]

The official entries

Here are all of the official entries...

Ace
There once was a land called Umbragia
Which was set in a sort of Middle age'ia
It had many monsters
But not many sponsers
and didn't make David a wage'ia

Asmo
I wonder why Polymorph Self is so hard
When I read it I feel like a retard
and while Iku Rex and Hong
fight where rules lawyers belong
I´m allowing my wizard to play a huge, six-headed Bard.

Barendd Nobeard
There was a GM from Nantucket
Who kept all his dice in a bucket
A player did wail
As he emptied the pail
"I take that much damage? Oh, crap-on-a-stick!"

BigFreekinGoblinoid
The Archwizard knew many a spell,
but was too old to see very well.
He sold a new scroll,
which exacted it's toll
on the buyer who was sent straight to Hell!

Capellan
There once was a cat; name of Scratches
Who fell foul of adventurers' matches
He'd gone missing you see
So we hired the CotRE
But they burned him as spider dispatches

caudor
There once was an Ogre named Fred
A bird landed on top of his head
He picked up a sack
And gave it a wack
Now the birdie and Fred are both dead

Grim
Hobin Kobad was a rogue and mage,
But his multiclass sucked said the sage.
Pelor be praised,
as again he was raised
This time in a hobgoblin's cage.

jlhorner1974
The spells in 3E cause alarm
And I'm not talking polymorph or charm
Both time stop and haste
Should be quickly replaced
And don't get me started on harm!

Maerdwyn
The mandibles that the 'hulk used
Left me sliced-up, and feeling abused.
A clerical spell
Would have healed me up well -
But our holy man had been confused.

Meds
Should vampire lords swallow or spit?
Count Strahd ate my hamster, each bit!
The wild-shaping druid,
With one motion fluid,
Exploded that bat like a zit.

Moulin Rogue
There once was a well-mannered orc
Who ate all of his food with a fork.
Said the elf "that's quite fine,
But to get at the wine
It's much better to just pull the cork."

Pielorinho
That obnoxious dark elf tweaker, Drizz't,
Wields a sword in each skinny drow fizz't,
and when 3E came out
was the model, no doubt,
for all rangers. Oh, man, were we pizz't!

Purityrose
There once was a company named Wizards
Where D&D came second to Magic Cards
They became inspired
And their creative team they fired
And publish books like molasses in blizzards!

Scupper
A DM with a Player Debated
How a character's race was created.
It took a turn for the worse
When he said (with a curse):
"No, you can't be half-dragon templated!"

Sheridan
I once played an elf from Blackmoor,
whose AC was a pitiful four.
He got smashed on the head
by an orc; 'till dead.
Now I don't play him no more.

Sixchan
There once was a Cleric from Thay
A munchkin in every way
Her level 2 silence
Stopped magical violence
But none heard a word that she'd say.

squirrel
There once was a cat who was missing a leg.
It was even said that he had a peg.
Alsih2o had thought and planned,
"Tease and mock this cat," he did demand.
"Please un-ban our accounts," we now beg.

Steverooo
A sword of shining silver,
Is what it takes to kill her,
A Succubus,
Will fight and cuss,
Until a blow shall still her.

Tallarn
There once was a ranger named Bob
And he would take any old job
Two swords had he
One attached to each knee
The elves thought that he was a slob

Zenon
When playing in Dungeons & Dragons
We drink ale from jugs and from flagons
We kick in the door,
Piles of treasure we score,
So much that to haul it needs wagons!

I will be doing the judging tonight... and will make all anouncements late this evening. And thanks everyone! It was a fun game!

 

[Asmo]

Yes, it was very fun, and my very first limerick to (as you all noticed )

Asmo

 

[KDLadage]

HONORABLE MENTIONS

First, let me say it was a fun contest for me. We did not garner the level of attention that Teflon Billy did, but I was not offering anywhere near the level of prizes he was either. Still, I think we had a good showing and some fun limericks.

There are a few that I liked here but, for one reason or another, I had to knock out of the top spot. These include, and receive the famous no-prizes for, the following:

Kissing up to the Judge Award
Ace wins the award here. His entry, alluding to the UMBRAGIA setting and the fact that I do not make any money off of it was funny, and well written. It did, however, invent words to make its rhymes (making me wonder if he plans to enter the Dr. Seuss contest as well). It was fun, but in the interests of fairness, I have to set it aside...
There once was a land called Umbragia
Which was set in a sort of Middle age'ia
It had many monsters
But not many sponsers
and didn't make David a wage'ia

Scaring the Judge out of his wits Award
Barendd Nobeard wins this one hands down. When I read the first line of his limerick, I almost wanted to stop there. After all, anyone that has read the old famous There once was a man from Nantucket verse knows what I feared. Still, it was a fun poem and a lot of laughs... thanks!
There was a GM from Nantucket
Who kept all his dice in a bucket
A player did wail
As he emptied the pail
"I take that much damage? Oh, crap-on-a-stick!"

Coolest use of a famous NPC
Pielorinho gives us a look at Drizz't and his (possible) impact on the 3rd Edition rules. Very nice, and fun to read... but in the end, the meter was not what I could read well and make it work. Might be just me. Still, a fun poem.
That obnoxious dark elf tweaker, Drizz't,
Wields a sword in each skinny drow fizz't,
and when 3E came out
was the model, no doubt,
for all rangers. Oh, man, were we pizz't!

and finally...

Took a moment to figure it out Award
BigFreekinGoblinoid gives us a poem that requires us to read between the lines. It took me a second (perhaps I am slow) to get the joke -- once you get it, the poem is really quite funny. So, you get this award... maybe next year you'll win a prize.
The Archwizard knew many a spell,
but was too old to see very well.
He sold a new scroll,
which exacted it's toll
on the buyer who was sent straight to Hell!

 

[KDLadage]

RUNNER UP

The runner up wins a printed and bound (by Kinkos) copy of Volumes I thru III of the Umbragia setting. I know that this is a far cry from Monte Cook -- but I do have them here (extras) and I am willing to part with them.

The runner up goes to...

(insert drum roll here)

Scupper -- his is a great limerick, in my opinion. In fact, it might have taken first place if it were not for the fact that the last syllable has to be pronounced in a rather odd way to work. He makes it here, instead of the honorable mentions, due to the fact that, in reading the poem, this seems a rather natural way to pronounce it, for some reason!

So... runner up (second place) goes to Scupper for this poem:
A DM with a Player Debated
How a character's race was created.
It took a turn for the worse
When he said (with a curse):
"No, you can't be half-dragon templated!"

 

[KDLadage]

...AND THE WINNER IS...

First prize, as promised, is a copy of the print version of the BOOK OF ELDRICH MIGHT. This is a fine volume -- the book that caused me to go back and re-write all of Volume III of UMBRAGIA (for those that remember that). It is a personal favorite volume of mine, and one I hoped to share -- and so I am doing this contest.

The winning poem was admittedly not one for 3rd Edition. I never specified 3rd Edition in the rules, so that in no way invalidated the entry. The poem flows, has good meter and rhyme -- and is quite well written. Congratulations to Steverooo on a job well done.
A sword of shining silver,
Is what it takes to kill her,
A Succubus,
Will fight and cuss,
Until a blow shall still her.

 

[KDLadage]

PS:

Our two winners will need to contact me via e-mail -- I can be reached at kdladage@msn.com. Postage needs to be paid, as will packaging. In the US, this generally means about $3.00 -- this breaks down to $1.49 for a padded mailer, and about $1.50 or so for MEDIA MAIL shipping.

You may make payment via PayPal (at the same e-mail address).

Congrats! And hope to do this again (with more prizes) next year!