R E A L I T Y C H E C K ! ! !
Please note that this post is NOT in response to any one previous post or poster in particular.
When D&D started out, it was a simple game of hack-n-slash, loosely bound with some plots and bits of story-line. Read some of the original modules. It was most often a game of kill-the-monster-steal-its-treasure. This was justified because you had ALIGNMENT, which was definite. A "chaotic" monster (basic D&D) or "chaotic evil" (1st ed. AD&D) was literally evil, from birth, and always would be evil. Even if it wasn't attacking you, it would given the chance. Thus, it was okay to slay it.
30 years later, people ask for more out of their RPG's. Now players want humanoid characters and the Good vs. Evil has morphed into a spectrum of grey. Alignment is no longer "certain". While this has broadened the horizons of the game it has also allowed moral issues in. What happens to the non-combatants? How do you define good and evil?
I've not played D&D for some time (I've been playing Shadowrun, then Star Wars D20 for about five years) but when I did play we abandoned the non-combatants. Here's why.
1) We did not want to kill babies and old people. So we didn't.
2) Most humanoids (in our game) valued the women and young. Therefore, survivors of a PC encounter could count on being taken in by other tribes. The women did much of the work as well as "entertainment" and the young were enslaved and/or used for cannon fodder. Additionally, we assumed that they could all run like hell.
3) When the characters stormed a lair, we only fought those that resisted. If the females resisted, they were treated as males. I do not ever remember children offering resistance. I also do not remember any time where ALL adults were killed.
I'm going to give three pieces of advice here, mainly because I can. So there.
1) As a group, set your limits.
Make it known what everyone wants and does not want in a game. If some players don't want to kill non-combatants then make it known. Also set out the cosmology of the setting regarding certainty of Alignment and such.
2) Never forget that it's a game.
You don't want to be losing sleep because the party abandoned a group of baby kobolds. If the game is disturbing you change the style of play. If the players are disturbing you change the players. The game is supposed to be entertaining and fun. If it is not, then something is wrong.
3) Remember the spirit of the game.
D&D was intended to be a game of high fantasy and high adventure. What would you rather play, a scenario where you burst into the dungeon, slay the bad guys and rescue the prisoners, or one where you follow procedure, negotiate for the prisoners release, petition the courts, secure housing and foster care for the displaced and provide counseling for the losers?
Hope all that makes sense.