I have a story to tell. It is a long story, a wretched story, and, ultimately, a sad story. There are several D&D games being run in the local area amongst a fairly large group of people. Ravenloft and Forgotten Realms campaigns switch off on Tuesdays, and a Planescape game happens once or twice a month on Saturdays. It is into this setting that the player, who we will call N, entered.
The DM of the Ravenloft game knew N from around town, and happened to mention the game, for which N claimed interest. The DM, excited about his game, decided to let N in.
Up to this point, the Ravenloft/FR people were a well-oiled machine, being pretty much the same group but with different guys DMing.
N changed that. He possessed an aggressive bent to gaming, which translated into wanting to play only characters with great strength who could smash things. Now, that in and of itself is not disruptive, except those characters had no particular ambition in life other than smashing things.
The Ravenloft game focused around the party doing work for one of the darklords, Azalin Rex. Arguably the most powerful of them all. And that work involved dealing with the other darklords in a diplomatic fashion.
As one might imagine, this didn't work very well with N. N's dhampyr blackguard picked fights with anything and everything that happened by. Even darklords. Even Azalin Rex, who could have disintegrated him as soon as looked at him. N also had a weakness for abrupt tangents, interrupting the flow of the game with talk that had no bearing whatsoever on anything.
Because the Ravenloft and FR games were all the same people, N also got into the FR campaign shortly thereafter. An earth genasi barbarian who claimed anything in sight as belonging to him, and would cheerfully fight anyone who disputed those claims.
Likewise, the DM for the Planescape game was in those games, and it was mentioned in front of N, who then wanted into the Planescape game. Because the DM there had the willpower of a wet noodle, he agreed to let N in, despite his game already being crowded and some misgivings about N's playing style.
So, three games with N.
N drinks. And not lightly. By all estimations, and even his own, he is an alcoholic. By this point in time, N had roughly doubled his alcohol consumption in games from when he started, going through a twelve-pack of beer on any given game night.
N's Ravenloft character was the first to meet a bad end. He picked a fight with a stranger on an ice floe who happened to be a were-sealion. And he was bitten. And infected. And failed the one saving throw offered by Ravenloft rules when Remove Curse was cast on him. So, doomed to become a sealion, he decided that, as a half-vampire, he would simply kill himself and come back as a full vampire. Except that, unbeknownst to him, all those failed powers checks had turned him from a half-vampire to a half-fiend, and when the party expected him to be digging free of the grave, nothing happened. Oops.
N's FR character died shortly thereafter, having charged into the middle of a fight with a whole lot of brigands. Despite being raised, that character left the party shorly thereafter.
Enter the Planescape game. N's character, a Githzerai monk. Lawful! We certainly had high hopes for this one not running off and randomly picking fights. Well, the joke was on us when the lawful monk ran around picking fights with people on the grounds that they weren't lawful. The party as a whole was protecting an artifact that could topple Sigil, and the monk, as a brand new arrival that the party literally ran into in the middle of nowhere, attempted to take the artifact under the justification that the party 'wasn't responsible enough' to have it.
Back in Ravenloft, new character time! A flintlock-toting druid (don't ask) with a dire polar bear companion, a two-headed falcon companion, and an animated sword companion. Hopes that the druid was a step away from the combat whore were dashed when it became evident that he simply meant to use his zoo to do the combat for him. Now, instead of one part in the initiative that was bogged down by a drunk player, there were four, as each companion acted, and each action took a small part of forever in which N spent asking about basic rules and arguing with the DM. N was inevitably wrong, because on the nights that he didn't show up to a game smashed, he had that problem fixed after the first hour or two.
Forgotten Realms, another new character, a half-ogre barbarian who promptly died after rushing into fights. The party cleric, who raised him, belonged to a religion respecting the sanctity of death. When the party encountered weapons in a tomb that they needed to defeat some evil, the cleric insisted that those who took the weapons swore to return them as soon as they were finished. Barbarian refused, called cleric's god weak and claimed that he brought himself back from dead.
*** INTERMISSION AND SCORE TALLY ***
Three games, five characters, and each game has party members planning to kill the latest character after being mortally offended or threatened by that character. Two nights where N was utterly drunk before the game, hassled the players next to him, tried to pick some fights, wandered away, and fell asleep somewhere. At this point, the 'We've gotta do something about this' level is running pretty high.
Back to Ravenloft! The party is raiding Dr. Mordenheim's (a mad scientist darklord) home for some equipment. N spends half an hour debating about whether his dire polar bear (a 10x20 creature) could make it down 5' wide stairs with the party before using a spell to shrink the bear. Party encounters the sleeping doctor in his lab, giant polar bear bumbles the sneak roll, wakes doctor up, starts huge fight. Clockwork horrors stream into the room. Party's doing great until a mithril and adamantine horror come in. Adamantine horror casts Implosion on biggest target in the room: bear. N attempts to cheat on bear's saving throw, but other people saw the roll, bear failed, bear implodes. Druid immediately attempts to cast a solid ton of spells on the horror with huge areas, none of which would actually affect it. (maggot infestation, blinding spittle, furious mist). After long explanations about why maggots don't hurt robots, casts flame strike on it. With the party's mage, his familiar, and the party's cleric all in the area of effect. Mage dies. Familiar dies. Cleric almost dies. Horror isn't hurt that much.
After a (suddenly much more difficult) fight, the party's fighters manage to finish the job without magical support. Barbarian grabs and shakes around Druid. N says that Druid will draw pistol and shoot Barbarian in the head. More long explanations ensue about how shooting a raging 12th level barbarian, even in the head, would in no way hinder that barbarian from ripping off a druid's head. N falls asleep, remainder of conflict is averted, party raises sorceror and familiar, entire party plans druid's death.
Planescape: Monk vanishes from party on the day that party psionicist was planning on dominating him to keep him in line. Replaced with a feral minotaur fighter. Minotaur attempts to pick fights with Planetars. Party leader plans to polymorph minotaur into a monkey to keep him from getting entire party killed.
Ravenloft: N skips next game, forestalling his character's 'trial' for two weeks. Two weeks later, after failing to offer a sincere apology to the sorceror and running away, druid is blasted from the sky with a pair of fireballs. Party takes vote on whether to raise druid or not, vote to raise him as a ghoul wins by one, beating out raising and leaving him dead in a 3-2-2 vote. N leaves the session there.
FR: N shows up blitzed again, runs half-ogre into a room with a dozen drow inside without the rest of the party, dies. Cleric refuses to raise him on grounds of her god being offended by his insults. N claims that he is being unfairly singled out for abuse by the party and DMs. Falls asleep, loses dice after leaving them on top of his ride's truck.
Ravenloft: New character: Sorc 6/Shifter 5. As expected, shifter stays pretty much permanently in troll form, goes around smashing things. Attempts, in a very poor and creepy manner, to seduce the party barbarian. Party goes to a big, high-society town with huge emphasis on fashion, in the company of Alanik Ray, Ravenloft's version of Sherlock Holmes. Ray, on top of having seen shifter in both her troll and human forms, comments that her dress is totally out of fashion in that city, bear that in mind. The party stops at a low-class tavern in town, *sends Ray a note letting him know they're there*. Shifter picks up a slumming noble *with thirty or so witnesses around*, goes a block away to noble's home, turns into a troll, kills noble for no good reason at all. Ray, when faced with a dead noble, troll tracks in the blood, tons of witnesses describing a human woman in a bad dress, and all within sight of the inn that party's staying in, doesn't need much help in figuring things out.
Local police haul shifter off, take her to judge, take her to guillotine, chop off head.
At this point, the law is laid down: Quit drinking at games, quit being disruptive at games, or don't come back. N was still a little on the sober side, only having had five bottles by then, but hopes of any sort of a good resolution to things goes out the window as N claims that his actions were 'being in-character', claims that the other character's actions were based entirely on out of character spite, accuses all of the players of being unfair, cries, curses at everyone, and storms out.
After N's departure, the party proceeds, in the space of half a night, to accomplish more than they'd ever done in an entire night with N around. The well-oiled machine snapped right back into place in the exact moment that the squeaky wheel left. So, as bad as I feel for N and the circumstances around his leaving the game, there's no denying that his presence was pure poison, and I can't help but feel a great relief that he's gone.
And that, hands down, is the single worst player I have ever seen or heard of. I challenge any man to come up with worse. And to the 'ha ha roleplayers are dateless dorks' people of the world, I invite YOU to stand an alcoholic's company for at least one night a week and plan an intervention with a gaming group for one of the members. Funny how real life seems to reach us too, despite the public image of basement-dwelling hermits.
The DM of the Ravenloft game knew N from around town, and happened to mention the game, for which N claimed interest. The DM, excited about his game, decided to let N in.
Up to this point, the Ravenloft/FR people were a well-oiled machine, being pretty much the same group but with different guys DMing.
N changed that. He possessed an aggressive bent to gaming, which translated into wanting to play only characters with great strength who could smash things. Now, that in and of itself is not disruptive, except those characters had no particular ambition in life other than smashing things.
The Ravenloft game focused around the party doing work for one of the darklords, Azalin Rex. Arguably the most powerful of them all. And that work involved dealing with the other darklords in a diplomatic fashion.
As one might imagine, this didn't work very well with N. N's dhampyr blackguard picked fights with anything and everything that happened by. Even darklords. Even Azalin Rex, who could have disintegrated him as soon as looked at him. N also had a weakness for abrupt tangents, interrupting the flow of the game with talk that had no bearing whatsoever on anything.
Because the Ravenloft and FR games were all the same people, N also got into the FR campaign shortly thereafter. An earth genasi barbarian who claimed anything in sight as belonging to him, and would cheerfully fight anyone who disputed those claims.
Likewise, the DM for the Planescape game was in those games, and it was mentioned in front of N, who then wanted into the Planescape game. Because the DM there had the willpower of a wet noodle, he agreed to let N in, despite his game already being crowded and some misgivings about N's playing style.
So, three games with N.
N drinks. And not lightly. By all estimations, and even his own, he is an alcoholic. By this point in time, N had roughly doubled his alcohol consumption in games from when he started, going through a twelve-pack of beer on any given game night.
N's Ravenloft character was the first to meet a bad end. He picked a fight with a stranger on an ice floe who happened to be a were-sealion. And he was bitten. And infected. And failed the one saving throw offered by Ravenloft rules when Remove Curse was cast on him. So, doomed to become a sealion, he decided that, as a half-vampire, he would simply kill himself and come back as a full vampire. Except that, unbeknownst to him, all those failed powers checks had turned him from a half-vampire to a half-fiend, and when the party expected him to be digging free of the grave, nothing happened. Oops.
N's FR character died shortly thereafter, having charged into the middle of a fight with a whole lot of brigands. Despite being raised, that character left the party shorly thereafter.
Enter the Planescape game. N's character, a Githzerai monk. Lawful! We certainly had high hopes for this one not running off and randomly picking fights. Well, the joke was on us when the lawful monk ran around picking fights with people on the grounds that they weren't lawful. The party as a whole was protecting an artifact that could topple Sigil, and the monk, as a brand new arrival that the party literally ran into in the middle of nowhere, attempted to take the artifact under the justification that the party 'wasn't responsible enough' to have it.
Back in Ravenloft, new character time! A flintlock-toting druid (don't ask) with a dire polar bear companion, a two-headed falcon companion, and an animated sword companion. Hopes that the druid was a step away from the combat whore were dashed when it became evident that he simply meant to use his zoo to do the combat for him. Now, instead of one part in the initiative that was bogged down by a drunk player, there were four, as each companion acted, and each action took a small part of forever in which N spent asking about basic rules and arguing with the DM. N was inevitably wrong, because on the nights that he didn't show up to a game smashed, he had that problem fixed after the first hour or two.
Forgotten Realms, another new character, a half-ogre barbarian who promptly died after rushing into fights. The party cleric, who raised him, belonged to a religion respecting the sanctity of death. When the party encountered weapons in a tomb that they needed to defeat some evil, the cleric insisted that those who took the weapons swore to return them as soon as they were finished. Barbarian refused, called cleric's god weak and claimed that he brought himself back from dead.
*** INTERMISSION AND SCORE TALLY ***
Three games, five characters, and each game has party members planning to kill the latest character after being mortally offended or threatened by that character. Two nights where N was utterly drunk before the game, hassled the players next to him, tried to pick some fights, wandered away, and fell asleep somewhere. At this point, the 'We've gotta do something about this' level is running pretty high.
Back to Ravenloft! The party is raiding Dr. Mordenheim's (a mad scientist darklord) home for some equipment. N spends half an hour debating about whether his dire polar bear (a 10x20 creature) could make it down 5' wide stairs with the party before using a spell to shrink the bear. Party encounters the sleeping doctor in his lab, giant polar bear bumbles the sneak roll, wakes doctor up, starts huge fight. Clockwork horrors stream into the room. Party's doing great until a mithril and adamantine horror come in. Adamantine horror casts Implosion on biggest target in the room: bear. N attempts to cheat on bear's saving throw, but other people saw the roll, bear failed, bear implodes. Druid immediately attempts to cast a solid ton of spells on the horror with huge areas, none of which would actually affect it. (maggot infestation, blinding spittle, furious mist). After long explanations about why maggots don't hurt robots, casts flame strike on it. With the party's mage, his familiar, and the party's cleric all in the area of effect. Mage dies. Familiar dies. Cleric almost dies. Horror isn't hurt that much.
After a (suddenly much more difficult) fight, the party's fighters manage to finish the job without magical support. Barbarian grabs and shakes around Druid. N says that Druid will draw pistol and shoot Barbarian in the head. More long explanations ensue about how shooting a raging 12th level barbarian, even in the head, would in no way hinder that barbarian from ripping off a druid's head. N falls asleep, remainder of conflict is averted, party raises sorceror and familiar, entire party plans druid's death.
Planescape: Monk vanishes from party on the day that party psionicist was planning on dominating him to keep him in line. Replaced with a feral minotaur fighter. Minotaur attempts to pick fights with Planetars. Party leader plans to polymorph minotaur into a monkey to keep him from getting entire party killed.
Ravenloft: N skips next game, forestalling his character's 'trial' for two weeks. Two weeks later, after failing to offer a sincere apology to the sorceror and running away, druid is blasted from the sky with a pair of fireballs. Party takes vote on whether to raise druid or not, vote to raise him as a ghoul wins by one, beating out raising and leaving him dead in a 3-2-2 vote. N leaves the session there.
FR: N shows up blitzed again, runs half-ogre into a room with a dozen drow inside without the rest of the party, dies. Cleric refuses to raise him on grounds of her god being offended by his insults. N claims that he is being unfairly singled out for abuse by the party and DMs. Falls asleep, loses dice after leaving them on top of his ride's truck.
Ravenloft: New character: Sorc 6/Shifter 5. As expected, shifter stays pretty much permanently in troll form, goes around smashing things. Attempts, in a very poor and creepy manner, to seduce the party barbarian. Party goes to a big, high-society town with huge emphasis on fashion, in the company of Alanik Ray, Ravenloft's version of Sherlock Holmes. Ray, on top of having seen shifter in both her troll and human forms, comments that her dress is totally out of fashion in that city, bear that in mind. The party stops at a low-class tavern in town, *sends Ray a note letting him know they're there*. Shifter picks up a slumming noble *with thirty or so witnesses around*, goes a block away to noble's home, turns into a troll, kills noble for no good reason at all. Ray, when faced with a dead noble, troll tracks in the blood, tons of witnesses describing a human woman in a bad dress, and all within sight of the inn that party's staying in, doesn't need much help in figuring things out.
Local police haul shifter off, take her to judge, take her to guillotine, chop off head.
At this point, the law is laid down: Quit drinking at games, quit being disruptive at games, or don't come back. N was still a little on the sober side, only having had five bottles by then, but hopes of any sort of a good resolution to things goes out the window as N claims that his actions were 'being in-character', claims that the other character's actions were based entirely on out of character spite, accuses all of the players of being unfair, cries, curses at everyone, and storms out.
After N's departure, the party proceeds, in the space of half a night, to accomplish more than they'd ever done in an entire night with N around. The well-oiled machine snapped right back into place in the exact moment that the squeaky wheel left. So, as bad as I feel for N and the circumstances around his leaving the game, there's no denying that his presence was pure poison, and I can't help but feel a great relief that he's gone.
And that, hands down, is the single worst player I have ever seen or heard of. I challenge any man to come up with worse. And to the 'ha ha roleplayers are dateless dorks' people of the world, I invite YOU to stand an alcoholic's company for at least one night a week and plan an intervention with a gaming group for one of the members. Funny how real life seems to reach us too, despite the public image of basement-dwelling hermits.
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