• NOW LIVE! Into the Woods--new character species, eerie monsters, and haunting villains to populate the woodlands of your D&D games.

Players from Hell.


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Now that's a funny link:

El Disgusto: "THAT DOES IT! Time to show these guys I mean business. I whip out my phaser and kill the Helmsman."

(roll dice, drop jaws)

Me: "You what?"

El Disgusto: "My character says 'If I'm crazy enough to kill my own crew think of what I might do to you!'"

Weasly Crusher: "But I'm the Helmsman..."

Psycho Dave: "Actually you're smoldering atoms right now."

Ol' Yellowbelly: "Look can I just put on a space suit and take my chances outside?"

Weasly Crusher: "Didn't I even get a dodge?"

El Disgusto: "Where is your sense of realism? You don't get a dodge when you get shot in the back."

Psycho Dave: "The Klingons are laughing even harder now. They dare you to kill more of your crew."

El Disgusto: "Fire phasers! And Photon torpedoes!"

Psycho Dave: "Nothing happens."

El Disgusto: "Why the hell not?"

Me: "Because you just shot the Helmsman."


Comedy :D
 

Have ta' admit to the jew remarks, growing up in rural IN, didn't get much social training. Although I really don't feel that upset about saying it, because I had no bad nor evil feelings towards the Jewish. I will be thinking of that now though. Thanks for posting that story, before I offended someone. Now I'm going to have a breakdown worrying whether or not I might have said something to offend a friend.
Slightly OT, I was playing Euchere (sp?) with some black friends, and was trying to explain renigging. I was so scared that some hick had come up with the word, that I didn't want to tell them. Sometimes I think this world has just gotten to wrapped up in names and differences. I wish the aliens would hurry up and show themselves so we could concentrate on harrassing another species instead of ourselves!
 

On the rape thing.

One night a friend of a friend was brought over while we were gaming, and this friend of a freind wanted to play.

We are getting into the game and he sits back and watches for about five minutes. Everyone had rolled up 1st level characters, so im thinking ok this wont be too hard for him. The friend that brought him lets him use one of his characters, "A fighter, a real mean mf" is what was requested. "Ok". After some off hand comments during the game, im thinking this is some jock macho jag off, and he is prob going to ruin the session. But i will deal with it. His character meets the party outside. It is night, and there is a festival in the city street w/fireworks etc. His first action after meeting the players is to try and rape a woman in an ally, and inviting the others to "join in when hes finsihed". There was an odd silence. No one is sure what to do and the "friend" that brought him begins to squirm in his chair, obvioulsy embarrsed. Im thinking there is something wrong with this guy, but im going to fix his ass. I gesture to one of the players that is voicing his irritance at the situation not to worry about it, and just nod at the guy. People at the table begin to get really vocal about it, and he figures out everyone is going to stop him then demands everyone make "listen" checks to see if they hear him, or spot checks to "see" he dragged this woman off. I tell him right off, no they can't hear you or see you. There are too many people in the street with the crowd and the fireworks. You managed to pull a tall amazon looking woman down the ally. She doesnt put up to much of a fight, you don't even have to make a grapple or str check.
Everyone but him looks at me like im crazy. They begin to complain, i give my usual "overruled" answer to their complaints. I allow him to go into detail about what he is doing for a bit how he drags her down the ally, and throws her down etc. I tell him she doesnt put up much of a fight but to make a spot check and a sense motive check. He rolls his die in front of everyone and rolls a "1" then a "6". Im thinking "perfect". People in the group are shaking their head as this guy begins to rip her clothes off etc and he says "Ok, now i get after it". I then begin to explain to him that she begins laughing, and her voice is rather "deep". Its a man. The look on his face was great. He didn't seem to dig that too much. Esp after when his character tried to leave the "man" won the grapple check to stop him (I dont remember anyone in the group all standing in unison as we rolled agaisnt each other. I took down the screen) and beat him down to negative points. What happened next was awesome.
He asks what happens now? I say well, since you pointed out no one can see or hear you. So the man "Gets after it". I asked him if he wanted me to be more specefic, then just asked him if he ever saw the TV show OZ? No reply. I then turned to the other players and continued with the session, as if nothing happened. The guy and our other friend sat there for about five minutes before the "friend of the friend" asked for him to give him a ride home.
Classic.
 

While I am not as articulate as other posters and my memory is that of a 90 year old man, I will attempt to recall events of the worst session I have ever had the displeasure of participating in.

-My story takes place in the summer of '98. Our regular group consisted of 6 or 7 close friends who had been playing together, under the same Gm (also a good friend), for about 3 years. We ran the gamut of player types, which was sometimes a bad thing, but we generally had a very good time. Anyway.. one of our players- let's call him F- was your classic hyper macho persona: crude, racist, sexist, and violent, and he would come to the be source of our woe.

We were playing Ravenloft (with evil characters allowed), attempting to escort a gypsy prince and princess to sanctuary.
Our reward would be escape from the mists, or so our patrons claimed. We had almost reached our destination, when we were attacked by thugs sent by the Lord of the Land. Battle was going well, but due to bad rolling we were not as quick in dispatching them as we should have been. The LoL showed up and, realizing that he could not harm the children without their protectors willingly giving them up (some of us were evil, yes, but we wanted out more than anything), he teleported himself and the entire party back to his keep to "negotiate". My character, a neutral evil necromancer, was the first to be given an audience.
Well, I played the gypsy card without hesitation, agreeing to give their life forces to him willingly, on the condition that he let myself and my comrades leave his realm unharmed. Unfortunately, it wasn't as easy as that. He demanded one additional sacrifice.

All of our prior role play was done out in the open but, at the mention of an additional sacrifice, I pulled out the old note pad. Everyone got very quiet as I slipped the paper to our gm with my reply on it. It read something like this:

I tell the Lord: "the wretched truths of necromancy have left my soul in tatters. I would be of no use to you, my lord, but the healer, he is ripe with spiritual potency. I give him to you freely" I sacrifice F's character.

At reading this, our Gm explodes with laughter. Another player, sitting opposite me, tears the note from his hand to see what was so funny. He begins laughing hysterically as well. The other players, looking puzzled, are informed that F's character vanishes (they are in a separate room awaiting audience). With that, the real-life mood got noticeably more tense, as F unsheathed a large knife, and was grinding it into the table, looking at me as if he were going to leap any second. The gm began to physically threaten him, the other players were attempting to talk him down, and I simply excused myself to get a coke. With me gone from the room, the situation was, thankfully, diffused. F left, I refused to ever game with him again, and that was that.

I regret having put F in that position, I was just too short-sighted to consider his feelings. High-school gaming was immaturity and naivete at it's best, but this single event helped to sober us up real quick.
 
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Teflon Billy said:
I bristle at people who think "mature" means "abhorrent".

I think that about sums up my feelings on the matter too.

Reading these stories makes me want to give each one of my players a hug. This sort of crap never happens, and it isn't because they're holding back. They just don't have any interest in being pigs.

Re. the alcohol, we usually just drink water. Now and then something stronger like Coke or Iced Tea will show up.;)
 

You guys haven't reduced my fear of playing with strangers / new people :)

TS

Edit: Wait, little story (not as bad, and I wasn't there, but was told to me)

This player and the DM has a one-hour argument on why you couldn't light a fire with Shocking Grasp (the player couldn't and wouldn't understand that it wasn't possible)
 
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Into the Woods

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