Problem DM - How Should a Player Handle It?

[Raven Crowking]

You and I disagree about what is and is not an appropriate response to a hypothetical situation.

And in this case, let me say that I agree with jmucchiello as far as the behaviour issues go, as well. Indeed, so much so that I would not play with someone who I knew felt the behaviour you described was appropriate.

RC

 

[prosfilaes]

I realize that. Still, I felt they needed to be addresses seriously.
This is the part that makes Ultimatums immature. We're not talking about a prisoner swap here. No felonies are being committed. It's a game, a social gathering. Everything should be negotiable.

No. Even--especially--in social situations, there are lines that people don't want crossed. If someone is crossing your line, you don't have to sit there and negotiate about it. If it is intolerable for you to play with six people in a small apartment, or with people that stink, or in a game that has rape as a gaming element, or in a game that glorifies vigilantism, then you should quit rather than negotiate your way into a situation that isn't fun.

 

[Raven Crowking]

No. Even--especially--in social situations, there are lines that people don't want crossed. If someone is crossing your line, you don't have to sit there and negotiate about it. If it is intolerable for you to play with six people in a small apartment, or with people that stink, or in a game that has rape as a gaming element, or in a game that glorifies vigilantism, then you should quit rather than negotiate your way into a situation that isn't fun.

See, I agree with this completely.

Yes, you should feel free to walk. No, you should not feel free to ruin the game before you walk or while you walk.

I would happily play with anyone willing to walk. I would expect no less. I have interest in playing with someone who feels they have the right to ruin the game.

IMHO, it really is that simple.


RC

 

[jmucchiello]

However, walking out midgame and carrying out an earlier ultimatum is going to be let the DM know in no uncertain terms what you are no longer willing to let him get away with.

This must be our other disconnect. The point at which I am walking out in the middle of a game is the point at which I don't care if the DM knows or doesn't know what I am willing to put up with. If I walking out rudely, I'm never coming back. And since I'm never coming back I don't need him to understand anything in any terms certain or not. Our social co-existance is ended.

For someone I would want to see socially again, I would not rudely leave mid-session. Period. I would politely inform him I was no longer attending his games away from the gaming table and if asked tell him why.

 

[jmucchiello]

No. Even--especially--in social situations, there are lines that people don't want crossed. If someone is crossing your line, you don't have to sit there and negotiate about it. If it is intolerable for you to play with six people in a small apartment, or with people that stink, or in a game that has rape as a gaming element, or in a game that glorifies vigilantism, then you should quit rather than negotiate your way into a situation that isn't fun.

Yes, but we're talking about Mary Sues and Railroad plots here. Not rapes and smelly players. (I can't believe I've just put rape and smell people in the same category.)

I find it hard to believe any DM's Mary Sue could cause someone to leave because it offends them ethically. Leaving for ethical or health reasons is not what this topic is about.
Sure, these situations are not as fun as they could be. Yes, these situations are frustrating. Heck, they're potentially aggravating. But they are no reason to become rude yourself.

Finally, I'm not saying I'm a paragon of social virtue here. I'd most likely resort to sarcasm if I didn't catch myself. But ideally, we aren't going to fix this DM's problems by causing problems, or being passive aggressive.

 

[cougent]

There is no magic bullet for this.

If there are issues in the game talk to the DM let him know that you are not having fun. Have examples and try and keep I statements instead of saying you were say I was. This wahy the DM does not feel attacked. Also I thinks it helps the other person see that you want to fix the problem not lay blame.

I also think you should talk to the other players see if they have a problem because sometimes the problem you see may not really be the way you see it. For example you may feel that the DM is making encounters all the time that your character cannot particpate in fully that is your perception. But another person may see it differently and can point out all the times that you character did have the chance to shine. Sometimes you are to close to the problem to see it clearly.

In the end it comes down to being an adult if the problems can not be fixed so that you can enjoy the game then the adult thing to do is to gracefully leave.

Again, I agree completely.

Lord Zardoz: I did see in your initial post where you mentioned that you would need the other players agreement; but I have to say that from that other player perspective that even if I were aware of and agreed with your frustration and issues with the DM, I would not agree with your tactics. Even if I were also frustrated and had issues with the DM, I would as a last resort leave on good terms or as close as possible. Intentionally trying to destroy his game or discredit him to the other players by grandstanding on your way out only lowers you to the level you have attributed to him... Bad DM / Bad Player. This is predicated by a personal belief that there just simply is no excuse / reason for intentional rude behavior, ever, no matter how tempting it is to do so. [And yes it is OFTEN tempting]

And in this case, let me say that I agree with jmucchiello as far as the behaviour issues go, as well. Indeed, so much so that I would not play with someone who I knew felt the behaviour you described was appropriate.

RC

Agreed with both RC and jmucchiello on the behavior issue. It goes both ways as well, I would not want to play with a DM who finds rude behavior acceptable in his style, nor would I want to play with another player who felt it was appropriate in his style either. Two wrongs do not make a right indeed.

 

[karechar]

as everyone here i also have an oppinion.

if a dm makes a bad call during the game give hime a sign about it never discuss it in game.
just wait until the game is over and you have all the time you need to discus the problem ('s)

never let a bad call or decision ruin your gaming session.

just remember a dm is alway's right even when he is wrong
maybe he had good resons for it.

 

[Elf Witch]

Walking out midgame in a snit is childish immature behavior not to mention rude.

If it is because of another player's body odor. Ask to speak to the DM and let him know it bothers you. Then the offending person can be taken aside and asked to wash up. You don't have to be nasty about it. The person may not be aware he smells he or he may not be aware it bothers other people.

If it is still an issue then you can say I am sorry but I can't play like this. Pack up your stuff politely thank the DM and leave without creating a scene.

If the DM brings up a subject like Rape and you don't like it then again ask to speak to the DM let him know that you are not comfortable with the subject matter. If he is a good DM he will ask the other players how they feel it is very possible that they don't like it either.

But it they are okay with it then again you without creating a scene pack up your bag behave in an polite manner thank the group for letting you play say you are sorry that it didn't work out and leave.

It comes down to behaving like an adult who has both class and manners.

I joined a group and on the first session found out that half the table smokes at the table. It had never come up before so I never had thought to ask. I had a bout with cancer and I will not be around smokers it is a deal breaker for me. I politely explained this. And I left. I noticed now that they put on their game notices signs about smoking.

I often see the DM at my local Borders and he is always friendly comes over to talk. There were no hard feelings. We both understood that while we would have liked to play together this was something that neither side could compromise on.

Maybe I am old fashioned and I know I am older than a lot of other gamers but I really believe that manners smooth out most social issues.