No. I'm not. Everytime we have one of these threads where people insist that stealth ends as soon as you can be seen we have people coming out of the woodwork with examples from real life showing the opposite. We're talking about a game where characters routinely kill gigantic monsters with swords, wounds are healed with the power of believing real hard and arcane bolts are summoned to unerringly strike their target. But the rogue tip toeing past a guard is too much.
The problem isn't stealth being an I win button. The problem is the surprise rules. Characters that are good at stealth also tend to win initiative. Which means they tend to get two full rounds of actions before their foes can act. In a game where most fights last only 3 or 4 rounds that leaves DMs feeling like stealth made it too easy.
We fixed this in our group by changing the surprise rules. When you are surprised and your init comes up you become unsurprised and are moved to the back of the queue. You still get to act this round, just at the end of it. So the rogues and monks have a greater incentive to strike then move away during the surprise round rather than stand there and get two rounds worth of attacks. It does wonders for nerfing ambushes without taking away a key feature of so many classes.
I don't necessarily agree with your conclusions, but I do agree that
I just don't give a rats hindquarters how hard it is to sneak in real life. (For the record, I also don't care how much plate armor weighs, how historically accurate dual-wielding is or isn't, or the physics of Darkvision.)
All that matters is whether or not a mechanic contributes to nuanced decision-making in the game.
If the utility of stealth is so great that it reduces interesting decision-making...such as whether or not to try to sneak up at the beginning of combat, or even which proficiencies to invest in...then we have a problem. And if the Surprise round factor is as great as you describe, then that would seem to suggest such a problem.
But I think that surprise problem can be mitigated in ways other than trying to apply a particularly harsh "realism" filter to it. It's easy enough for a DM to:
- Design encounters that can't be trivialized by stealth
- Design encounters that put stealthers at risk
- Occasionally have sneaky bad guys pull the same trick on the adventurers
- Balance the encounters under the assumption that a couple targets are going to die fast
- And, yes, sometimes give the rogues a setup where their stealth shines and they get to hug themselves for one-shotting the bad guys.
Maybe what we need is a discussion not of how stealth works, but of how surprise works. Because unless the whole party is stealthy the mooks aren't going to be surprised.