log in or register to remove this ad

 

D&D General Races as Pizzas ... Put in your Contributions

Snarf Zagyg

Notorious Liquefactionist
In order to move away from contentious discussions about players and/or player haters, I thought I'd fork the best conversation I'd seen recently into its own thread. Admittedly, there is some danger in using the word "fork" anywhere in proximity to the word "pizza" but I am willing to take that chance!

On the other thread regarding the appeal of "exotic" races (ancestries, lineages, folks, etc.), a conversation broke out about what types of pizza various races might be, and/or how terrible Chicago-style deep dish pizza might be (ahem). So I thought I'd offer my pizza-based analysis of the core races from the PHB and then throw it out to see what ideas other people had!

Dragonborn
I cannot improve on @doctorbadwolf - the dragonborn are the Hawaiian pizza of D&D. Relatively new, distinctive, beloved by some and viewed as "not pizza" by others.

Dwarf
Mushroom pizza. Definitely mushroom pizza. An old favorite that is not quite as popular as it was.

Gnome
The gnome is your BBQ Chicken Pizza- it's good, and all, and it's been around for a long time, but it always seems like there are better pizzas.

Half-Elf
This is the pepperoni pizza. Sure, it's super popular, but also a little greasy.

Halfling
Definitely a meat-lovers. There's always someone who wants a meat-lovers pizza, and someone who wants to play a halfling.

Half-Orc
The Half-orc is your standard anchovy pizza; it used to be really popular, isn't that popular anymore, and it's kind of uncomfortable.

Human
Cheese. If you go variant, you get a margherita.

Tiefling
This is your buffalo chicken pizza. A little spicy, a little new, sometimes disappointing.

Bonus- Elves are calzones. They aren't even pizza, no one really wants one, and yet there are so many of them.
 

log in or register to remove this ad


embee

Lawyer by day. Rules lawyer by night.
Dragonborn
I cannot improve on @doctorbadwolf - the dragonborn are the Hawaiian pizza of D&D. Relatively new, distinctive, beloved by some and viewed as "not pizza" by others.

Almost correct. They are store-brand generic version of Freschetta Hawaiian pizza. Made with SPAM. With plain tomato sauce as "pizza" sauce. And then party-cut.
 


Mercurius

Legend
Aasimar - Pesto pizza. You always forget about it, but when you have one you remember it is really distinctive and as delicious as any pizza....if that's your thing.
 



Snarf Zagyg

Notorious Liquefactionist
We're using Custom Lineage for this right?

What? And invite topping anarchy? Are you going to be combining sashimi-grade tuna and pepperoni? Bananas, caviar, and curry with sausage?

Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes... The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

YOU DON'T WANT TOPPING ANARCHY!
 

embee

Lawyer by day. Rules lawyer by night.
What? And invite topping anarchy? Are you going to be combining sashimi-grade tuna and pepperoni? Bananas, caviar, and curry with sausage?

Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes... The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

YOU DON'T WANT TOPPING ANARCHY!
I think you mean Tasha's Pizza of Everything.
 

What? And invite topping anarchy? Are you going to be combining sashimi-grade tuna and pepperoni? Bananas, caviar, and curry with sausage?

Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes... The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

YOU DON'T WANT TOPPING ANARCHY!
Yes but how else is Flamestrike's Elf supposed to identify itself properly as it's true Lineage: Pizza?
 









embee

Lawyer by day. Rules lawyer by night.
Yuan-ti Pureblood White pizza: A solid choice every once in a while but you'll grow sick of it quick enough.

Human under OD&D Pizza from Di Fara's: You'll hear some grognards or hipsters yammer on about how this is the best and it might be. Definitely a solid choice but kind of overrated.

A player in a Chainmail campaign Pizza from Grimaldi's or Lombardi's: We get it. You were the first. Okay. That's fine. But some of us just want a slice and we can't all get pizza from you.

Aarakocra: Sicilian: Weird, doesn't fit in with traditional pizza. And a bit more trouble than it's worth.

Faun (from Pathfinder): Sbarro's. Up yours. You don't even qualify for this discussion. Get the heck out of here.
 

not-so-newguy

Adventurer
Kender are Hawaiian pizza. They're gonna piss someone off just for existing.

Edit: woops, already taken in the o.p.

Yeah, I just breeze through text w/o really reading much. Big wup! Wanna fight about it?
 
Last edited:

Level Up!

An Advertisement

Advertisement4

Top