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Sins of Our Fathers - 2/10 - Final Update

Destan

Citizen of Val Hor
Breakfast Interrupted

Amelyssan was tired. No – exhausted. The wizard had spent the entire night, less a few hours wherein he meditated in a horadrel trance, studying the items they had taken from the Sorrow Elf’s chamber. And, finally, after hours of arcane murmuring and deep reflection, he believed he understood the power of the pair of rings.

The elf looked up as John and Vath shimmied down the rope into the barrow’s entry chamber. He nodded at John’s unasked question. “I have our answer.”

The Pellman brightened. “Do tell.”

Amelyssan waited for the party to crowd around then pointed to the jewelry. “They are a twin set – easy enough to see, for they are identical in every aspect of their fashion.” The elf grabbed one ring and held it closer to the light of the small campfire. “Alone, without its mate, the rings are worthless. But – when each is within proximity of the other – their magic may be utilized.”

“What magic?”

“Healing magic,” Amelyssan answered. “They are…” The elf searched for the proper, non-Draconic words. “…rings of life transference*. If one were to place both upon his fingers, he would certainly die.”

John paled. Evidently the bard had considered doing just that.

“But,” Amelyssan quickly continued, “if each is worn by a different person, then those two may share – no, exchange – their own life force with one another.”

Baden held out his palm and accepted one of the rings. The dwarf studied it carefully. “How is it done?”

Amelyssan shrugged his slight shoulders. “Easily. There are no command words. One must simply will a portion of their life to pass to his fellow ring-bearer. Of course, one must be careful he does not transfer too much of his own essence.”

Raylin toed the embers of the dying campfire. “Worthy magic, indeed. Who should wear them?”

“Amelyssan, for one.” Kellus busied himself donning his armor. “Perhaps John could wear the other.”

The Pellman smiled and reached for one of the rings. “Gladly.”

“Hold one,” Baden muttered. “The bard has remained on the outskirts of combat. This is no mark on his courage, but rather a testament to his skill with the crossbow. I agree the wizard would benefit from this magic, but I believe another should wear the twin ring.”

John frowned. “You?”

“No,” Baden answered. “Vath. He seems to enjoy charging away from our ranks into combat. It might save his life, one day.”

Kellus nodded sagely. “Good, then. Let Vath and Amelyssan wear the rings. May Helm grant their use never be required.”

“Not bloody likely,” John murmured, but none listened. Kellus and Raylin were on watch, and the two already began to climb the rope toward the barrow’s exterior.

***

Henratt, for the fifth time in as many minutes, thanked Cyric for the fog.

The world seemed to end but twenty feet from him – blanketed in a wall of nearly-immobile and nearly-opaque mist. The shroud would not last much longer, Henratt knew; once the sun fully appeared over the Balantir peaks, the fog would be burned clear from the Cormick plains.

They must act quickly.

“Kloven,” he hissed to the man beside him. “Do you see that hillock – there? Good. Take Emmor and see that you put the stake there. Be silent about your business. Go.”

His men were on their bellies around him, pressed to the wet grasses of the Weedsea like serpents. Henratt watched as the two novice priests lifted the thick, wooden stake and moved forward, hunched low. They had cut the limb from an oak south of the Dusk Ford, for there were no suitable trees on these featureless plains.

Burdensome, certainly, but well worth it.

Henratt had pulled the tongue from Poridel’s mouth when the sage refused to be silent. The insufferable old fool continually moaned and muttered nonsense in languages Henratt did not understand. When that had not been enough to silent the man, Henratt ordered a burlap sack stuffed into the sage’s mouth.

The problem with the second tactic was that, were Henratt not especially careful, the old man would suffocate. Annoying, just annoying. The Cyric rolled onto his side, grabbed Poridel by his beard, and pulled the rag from his mouth. He watched quietly as the old man gasped for air, dried blood caked about his lips.

“Good, good,” Henratt whispered. “That’s it, old one - breathe. Regain your strength.”

When Kloven and Emmor returned, the sun had already begun to filter through the higher layers of fog. Forty feet. That was how far he could see now, roughly. Dammit, he had best hurry.

“Crayn,” Henratt called. “Give me your pack.”

Henratt rummaged within the satchel and pulled forth the hollow bone tube and the metallic, spring-held fork. He climbed to his knees, holding both instruments, and watched the wheezing sage for a few more moments.

He replaced the gag, and began to work.

***

Raylin dropped to the floor of the barrow chamber shortly after Kellus finished descending the rope. Both men walked about and toed their companions awake. “The fog is thick outside – no sense in departing until the sun burns some of it away.”

Kellus sat his helm upright on the ground and sat heavily upon it. “We need to discuss our next move.”

John rubbed sleep from his eyes. “Next move? I think we’ve run out of demons to kill. Unless we head to the Abyss, that is.” John sat upright. “Any takers?”

Raylin grinned as he unbuckled his sword belt and leaned the weapons against the nearby sarcophagus. “Hunting demons is good fun,” the clansman agreed, “but I am of a mind to hunt elk - they are in the rut now, or shortly will be.”

“The rut?” John wrinkled his nose.

“Aye,” Raylin nodded. The ranger pulled his pack closer, undid the leather strings, and began to toss dreltack to the group. “’Tis the time when they seek to mate. They move about more, and are near-mad from their yearning to breed.”

“Ah,” John replied. “I am always ‘in the rut’, then.”

“Please - not while I’m eating.” Baden shook with laughter, crumbs spewing from his mouth to lodge in his beard.

Vath, for his own part, removed a haunch of salted beef and began to noisily eat. He looked up, slaver upon his chin. “We must tell Poridel it is finished.”

Kellus agreed. “Right. Then, after Ciddry, we might go our separate ways.” The priest looked around the chamber as an awkward silence descended. “Or not.”

John dragged a hand across his mouth. “You know, friends, we make a good group. There is no shortage of work for such as us. Mayhaps we should head south – ‘tis not nearly so cold down there. Hire on with Harabald Harren and his boys, or even Duke d’Lor. Those two are always fighting one another, always seeking more men.”

“Not me,” Baden stated, his voice at once firm and kind. “I mean to head home. From the top of this barrow, when the fog burns off, one can see the peaks of Axemarch.”

Kellus’ voice was guarded. “Then you will not accompany us on our return to Ciddry?”

Baden swallowed the last of his dreltack. “I will. Then I shall turn my face to home.”

Kellus emptied water from a skin onto his hands and splashed the cool liquid onto his face. He sighed. “I suppose we all could use a bit of homecoming. I must return to my Church, make atonement-”

“Bah!” John scowled. “I am happy you have found your god once again – truly, I am – but I thought Helmites were above penance and atonement and all that nonsense.” The bard jerked a thumb toward Vath. “Let those odd folks of Ilmater do that; just tell your bosses that you’re sorry.”

Kellus stood, wiped his face, and shrugged. “I will do that, and more, John.” The priest and bard, who had not always seen eye-to-eye, shared a look. “What will you do, John?”

The Pellman stood. “Friends, I will do what I have been meaning to do since I first woke this morning.”

Baden did not look up from where he ate. “Please, John – no songs. Not this early.”

“A man should greet each morning with a song, dwarf!” John laughed. “Well, maybe not. If he was lucky enough to share his bed, then the morning may be used…” John’s voice trailed off as he walked to the rope, grabbed it, and began to climb. “By Umberlee, I need to piss. Stay away from the hole, friends, for I mean to start a flood.”

Kellus watched John disappear out the opening in the barrow’s domed ceiling. He looked around the smoldering fire at the faces of his friends. “The mood is light, and that is good – we have earned some respite. But do not forget, my brothers, what we have accomplished in so short a time. Three abominations no longer stain this earth – Ippizicus, Baphtemet, Ral.** Each of them - gone. If we do nothing else the rest of our lives, however long or short are our days, we may count ourselves good men.”

“Aye,” Raylin answered, face etched with thought. “Who would have thought our boots would tread these paths? I had sought only some coins from the Rornman Aramin, a quick job to be had while returning to the Larrenlands from my trip to Ciddry. The spirits of my fathers are proud of what we have done.”

Vath suddenly leapt to his feet, the meat falling from his fingers.

Raylin had his sword belt in hand nearly before Vath’s beef hit the ground. “What is it?” Around him, the rest of the party hurriedly stood.

“John.” Vath moved quickly toward the rope, face uplifted toward the opening. “I heard him cry out.”

Before any could inquire further, John re-entered the chamber in grand fashion. The Pellman dropped through the hole, ignoring the assistance of the rope. He landed lightly on his feet, rapier in hand. His face was composed, but sweat had already sprung on his forehead. “Cyrics. Outside.”

Cyrics?” Kellus did not allow himself the time to be confused. “How many?”

John measured them all with a stare that spoke volumes. “Too many.”








* I’ve always enjoyed creating custom magical items for the campaign that necessitate teamwork. I also like items that allow the user a bit of variety on how to employ them. These two rings are rather simple in their description, as Amelyssan learned through his Identify spell: the wearer may, once per day as a standard action, transfer up to 10 hp to his fellow ring-bearer, so long as both rings are within 100’ of each other.

** I added an update to the Sins of Our Fathers Rogues Galley thread that gives a very brief recounting of the party’s adventure beneath the barrow mound, their meeting with Belaraphon, and the battle with Ral. It's not in ‘story hour’ format; rather it's a synopsis and includes some behind-the-DM-screen thoughts in order to give anyone interested an idea of what transpired.
 
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pogre

Legend
I guess I'll de-lurk for a moment to share some criticisms -

1st - You need pictures. Everything is better with lots of pictures. Which leads me to my second point

2nd - You need lots of great miniatures and terrain

3rd - Spend lots of time painting and modelling

:D If you did all that, maybe your writing would suffer and only be twice as good as mine ;)

Far be it from me to criticize one whose skill so far surpass my own, but here goes: I would not mind reading about the party kicking some rear end in an easy fight. Not all combats have to be desperate affairs or near things. Naturally, if writing those kind of descriptions bore you - ignore my advice. However, if the PCs have developed a standard operating procedure for combat I would not mind reading about it. I know that is a content criticism and not a style critique, but I really enjoy your style and have nothing constructive to offer there.

I guess I'll go back to lurking ;) on the finest story hour on these boards.
 

Seule

Explorer
I have to stretch for suggestions, but here goes:

I'd like to hear about battles firsthand rather than having the story told. The first time was cool, but it's happened a couple of times. It's hard to keep up the suspense of a battle, when you already know nothing bad happened.
Basically, having John tell the story after the fact should be the exception rather than the rule, and highlighting exactly how far from the truth he is made that one time (Izzy?) a lot better.
That's it. I've run out of suggestions. It's all great.

--Seule
 
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Seravin

Explorer
Per your request, I'll delurk at least long enough to say that I enjoy your writing.
Sadly (for me) you're a much better writer than I am and as such I don't have much to critique.

I can tell you that I like the pacing of your writing and I find your descriptions to be excellent.

I like what you're doing with your story and I haven't found anything that really puts me off. Is it dark? Yes, but so what? That's the background and the story. It's not chtuluesque and I at least have the sense that the characters are making a difference - one little step at a time.

Please, keep up the good work.
 

darkdancer

First Post
Destan said:
If you like Sins, please let me know what you like - is it a certain character, is it a certain style, was it a certain scene, etc.

quickly before I read your latest update: Destan, part of what I enjoy about your writing (there are so many things) is your ability to create the mood of each character so completely. John is distinctly John. Vath is distinctly Vath. The evil characters are not simple, not two dimensional bad-guys, but complicated people each with their own flavor. Granted each PC is played by a separate player, but in your writing you convey that individuality so well, that even if you don't mention whose point of view a particular segment is viewed from, if we've been paying attention well enough, we will recognize the "voice" of their thoughts and viewpoint.

Also, by having the point of view move around, we get a better and more rounded idea of who everyone is, since no one is only the product of their own or someone else's opinions. This at times is very funny and others very revealing.

Finally, my husband or I usually read the latest segment aloud to each other (otherwise we'd be fighting for control of the computer at each update), and your love of language makes it a joy to read this way, either by being the reader or the listener.

So, I guess what I have to say is take the time you need for each update, don't scrimp on your words, and continue to follow your instincts. When I read the earlier complaints and/or comments about the "adult" nature of your story hour, I just thought about how refreshing it is when fantasy fiction does not have to be "escapist" fiction but simply a way to explore new and interesting ideas outside (and within) the framework of our common and uncommon myths.

Thanks!
 
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Tellerve

Registered User
I was under the impression I had stated my admiration for your writing already, but a bit more never hurt anyone. So, let me just say I really enjoy reading your story hour.

As for critiques, well I am not sure there is much I could really say...at least not off the top of my head. Maybe if I went back and really concentrated I could find something. But I find your writing very powerful in terms of imagery and pacing. The times you have battles are great and full of suspence. Apart from the one time that most everyone got a bit confused with the storyline with Poridel I have very much enjoyed you switching around to the different characters. It has been stated by others that your characterizations are awesome. I also feel that your story shows off a very vibrant world. It helps that my friend, Cinerarium, has gushed about your dm'ing skills. And after reading more of your world through his story hour about the game you dm for them well, it just is great.

In terms of Sep's, well the reason I love sep's is of course he is a fantastic writer. He, like you, is able to paint very vivid pictures while maintaining a good pace in the writing. I also am just blown away by Sep's cosmology and the amount of work done for it. His names also are just utterly astounding to me. Both of you have as I've said very vivid and suspensful battle write ups. Obviously their characters do a bit more as they are 15-18 levels higher. But even so I thought your characters were higher than when I saw them in the rogue's gallery. Which in my mind proves that your able to portray the combat well and not as low level combat in dnd typically is...at least for me.

And finally I'd say that the reason I like your's and Sep's so much is I would LOVE to play in them. I crave a dm that has that much unique world built and interaction with everything. Perhaps it doesn't in reality play out at a table nearly as well, but I don't know that. And so I continue to dream that it does and that it would be great to be at the table with Eadric, Mostin, or Vath and John of Pell.

Good players playing good characters enveloped in a great world run by an ingenious DM means fun :)

Thanks and keep writin' Destan,

Tellerve
 

gloomymarshes

First Post
Hi, yet another of your avid readers delurks :)

I'm not much of a writer myself, I only write term papers and essays, and the occasional character background. So take my criticism for what it's worth.

First, the only thing about your story hour that kind of irks me is that you kind of 'skip' parts of story, like in between updates or major battles. I believe it's called 'in medias res' writing or some such, can't remember. This is a minor point though.

Secondly, I love your story hour! Your writing skills are very good, you portray everything with great skill. Scenes I particularly liked were the battle with the wyvern, and the episodes in which poridel was captured/tortured.

Hope this helps,

Bas.
 

Celtavian

Dragon Lord
re

I like your writing style, pure and simple. The story flows well from one sentence to the next. You craft words together in an interesting and entertaining manner that sounds like music to my mind's ear.

If you don't mind a comparison with Sep's story let me just say that I read your story hour purely for the writing whereas I read Sep's story hour because of the orignal cosmology and high-level situations. You are a real wordsmith. Even your request for criticism was well-crafted and entertaining to read.

My only complaint is that you're campaign power level is too low. I find low level D&D characters and the situations they find themselves in boring. I would much rather read about high level characters engaged in high level adventuring. My complaint has more do with personal taste than either your writing or creativity. Your writing is that good that I feel compelled to drop by even though I don't enjoy the activities of low level characters.

I certainly wish you luck as a writer. You have some skill with words. Do you subscribe to any of the writer's periodicals such as Writer's Digest or Writer's? Very helpful magazines if you ever decide to pursue publication.
 

Mahtave

First Post
Yet another delurker...

Destan, this story hour is by far the one I most look forward to when I am luking about. It is the first SH I check everytime I am on and will continue to be (in my opinion) the best one on the boards.

The one thing that I like about your SH is the amount of time and detail you put into the NPC and what is happening "behind the scenes". This whole upcoming encouter in the barrows would not have been near as exciting if we were not clued in to the fact that they are there ready to attack the would-be heroes. I am curious to see what happens, but more importantly, what happens "behind the scenes" to the "bad guys" if they should fail.

By far, that is the most impressive thing to me, the ability to see what is motivating the "evil" element to even confront the heroes. Brilliant!

That being said, please do not change your style. You are giving the reader an excellent look into each player, what they are thinking, etc.

I look forward to seeing more posts to this beautifully written story.
 

Mahtave

First Post
Yet another delurker...

Destan, this story hour is by far the one I most look forward to when I am luking about. It is the first SH I check everytime I am on and will continue to be (in my opinion) the best one on the boards.

The one thing that I like about your SH is the amount of time and detail you put into the NPC and what is happening "behind the scenes". This whole upcoming encounter in the barrows would not have been near as exciting if we were not clued in to the fact that the "bad guys" were there ready to attack the would-be heroes. I am curious to see what happens, but more importantly, what happens "behind the scenes" to the "bad guys" if they should fail.

By far, that is the most impressive thing to me, the ability to see what is motivating the "evil" element to even confront the heroes. Brilliant!

That being said, please do not change your style. You are giving the reader an excellent look into each player, what they are thinking, etc.

I look forward to seeing more posts to this beautifully written story.
 

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