Sins of Our Fathers - 2/10 - Final Update

[Cinerarium]

Another incredible post Destan!

My favorite part was definitely at the end, with Baden's reaction to Poridel's death. But there were many excellent bits throughout.

And to echo another comment earlier, absolutely DO NOT hold back on your writing style. I understand wanting to keep Eric's grandma happy with content, but never sacrifice your artistic integrity in the process. The warning on content is more to keep trolls from posting junk than for hobbling your creativity.

That said, I'm not a big fan of urine-and-blood references (makes me wince) but it's the style of this story hour, and the story would suffer without it.

One thing I would like to see more of in terms of content, and that I think will come out more now that you've caught up to where your group's in-character posts begin, are the intra-character interactions. We've had a few so far, and I definitely look forward to more. For instance, I was surprised a bit that Baden reacted so emotionally to Poridel's death. I hadn't seen them build such a strong bond in the earlier story hour.

Again, thank you for an excellent story hour. The writing continues to improve. Maybe all of us devoted Destan fans should go pimp his story hours?

Cinerarium

 

[Len]

I can't help but feel I lost folks when I ventured a little too far in the blackness of Ostia Prim in those early updates.

You gained some folks there too.

I did notice the rather large amount of guts in this update, but that was related to Baden's character, rather than being gore for gore's sake. As long as you continue to write in the style that best illustrates the mood and characters of your campaign, we will enjoy reading it.

 

[Darthor]

I am filled with a great sadness. For today I have reached the end of this story hour. I began it at the beginning of last week on the advice of one of my role-playing buddies. He was right when he told me its one of the best, right up there with Sep's.

Thank you so much Destan for writing this and sharing your talents with us. I've received something wonderful and never paid a dime. I feel like I've stolen music from the internet.

You've asked for criticism. I would echo what others have said. I like the first person accounts of battles and events to be high in frequency compared to the retellings after the fact. But I also like things to be switched up every so often.

I also would like a few entries from some of the other characters besides Vath or John (two of my favorites, but still, let's here more from the others).

The leader of the Cyrics going down in the last battle off-camera was a little disappointing. I wanted his demise to be up close and personal. Along with anybody else's who you have made me despise so much.

I'll end by restating that I'm incredibly impressed with your writing and have enjoyed it immensely. I DM and I write a little and I hope to grow up to be like you.

David

 

[Wisdom Penalty]

I was surprised a bit that Baden reacted so emotionally to Poridel's death. I hadn't seen them build such a strong bond in the earlier story hour.

i thought the same thing. now im thinking the reason baden reacted that way was not because he had loved poridel, but because he had hated the way the old man had died.

remember - baden was one of those who mistrusted pordiel the most - back when the group was heading to the sorrow elf's tomb. maybe he felt a bit guilty when poridel died?

frostrune or detsan - maybe you could comment? i may be out in left field.

grrrreat story

W.P.

 

[grodog]

Excellent update, Destan!

I certainly don't think you need to tone down the tone/gritty elements---you're still quite a ways off from even beginning to raise an eyebrow much less offend me with your writing/style/descriptions/characterizations/etc. (That's not to say that I don't enjoy the SH or that I'm not impressed by your work---I am).

FWIW, when I have a little more free time, I'll give some more thought to criticisms of your writing, but no flaws or pet peeves have jumped out at me during my reading thus far, so I wouldn't expect much even after some reflection

On a rules-related query, have you checked out Kenneth S. Hood's Grim-n-Gritty d20 rules (see http://www.darkshire.net/~jhkim/rpg/srd/sleepingimperium/downloads/GrimNGrittyHitPointRules.pdf)? OP strikes me as a place where such rules might thrive, in comparison to more-standard D&D fare....

 

[Pillars of Hercules]

We used to always just say "wow" when one of Sep's posts blew us away.

This last post leaves me similarly speechless, but I feel a new epithet is in order for Destan's thread, so here goes:


Damn.

 

[Lela]

I've read a lot of Story Hour's (you once even termed me a professoinal SH reader) and, while thinking about your worries about dark posts, I've put something together.

Several others have said that that's much of the reason they read your work. In fact, that's exactly it. People read your work partly because of the grittiness and, dare I say it, gore. Others read P-Kitty partly because of the high level and mix of log/story style. Old One for high level feeling at low levels, Sep for philisophical conflicts, or Wulf for hack'n slash action. While there are billions of other reasons to read these Story Hours (I could write an essay on any of them and tons of others; I have in some cases), people show up for specific reasons.

This means that they're showing up for your style (or some facit thereof) and others can have different areas. Don't try to change your style to match someone elses or even avoid someone else's. Take only the critisim you feel works witth your stile to heart and ignore the rest. If it's a deal breaker for them, so what? They can find a niche they like somewhere else (I might have a recomendation or 4 for anyone interested).

There's another side to this though. If you don't feel comfortable talking about aspects you, personally, consider blood, urine, and anal spearing too much then don't write about it. If a reader is really looking for that, someone else, somewhere, will have it. All you need to do is write what you feel like writing. It's up to the reader to decide if he likes it. No one's forcing him to read it.

Of course, since things are never simple, there's a thrid side to this. If you want critisim (and it seems you do) then go ahead and ask for it. Those posting know you don't have to take it to heart. They're here already and trust you to do what's best for both the story itself and your desire as an artist.


Ready for a small paradox? By the logic of the post above, you don't have to take what I said to heart. Of course, if you choose to completely reject it, you must take it to heart. By taking it to heart you can choose to reject it. . .

Remember that we're already here. You don't have to win us over.

 

[frostrune]

Poridel and Baden

i thought the same thing. now im thinking the reason baden reacted that way was not because he had loved poridel, but because he had hated the way the old man had died.

remember - baden was one of those who mistrusted pordiel the most - back when the group was heading to the sorrow elf's tomb. maybe he felt a bit guilty when poridel died?

Wisodom Penalty your insight is right on the money. Baden was very reluctant to trust Poridel after the deception of Aramin. He certainly didn't think the man was evil (how could killing demons be bad after all?), but he definitely thought the group was being manipulated. He really didn't believe much in that 'prophecy' stuff.

Baden's reaction to Poridel's death stemmed from a lot of issues: it proved Poridel was their friend all along and he felt guilty about his judgements of the man, since he was their friend perhaps this prophecy stuff was real as well, and the heinous nature of his death deeply revolted Baden.

Baden is stoic and solid as a rock, but when he feels emotion or confusion he doesn't know how to deal with them. He generally lashes out and burries them in a wall of rage.

Baden's reaction to Poridel's death was a combination of his horror at the man's ill treatment and his way of apologizing for misjudging him.

Well done, WP.

Frostrune

 

[Tumakhunter]

I've been following your SH for some time, now, and I must say that I really love it. I don't normally comment, not because I'm not enjoying the story, but merely because I don't have much to say. I could throw in the occasional 'Wow,' or 'Damn,' but that doesn't seem suficient, and I rarely have time to compose something better. But you asked for comments, so here goes.

Keep the tone. Anyone who doesn't like the dark tone conveyed in your story has the right to not read it, and those who DO read it are obviously OK with it.

Bounce the POVs around a bit. Hearing from more of the PCs perspectives is a good thing. Hearing mostly from John's POV is not - at least, not since you had originally set things up by going from character to character.

And finally, STOP SKIPPING BITS!! I want to know what happened with the meeting with the Sorrow Elf. I want to know how the fight with the wolfen (?) went, and not just hear about it after. A lot of things got referred to in that post, but it was done in an offhand "by the way, this happened, too" kind of way. Wholly dissatisfying.

Your most recent post, the fight with the Cyrics was excellent. I really loved the entangle spell, and Baden's reaction to Poridel's death was superb. This is what I want to see (well, not necessarily the gore in every update, but I think you get the idea).

Well done, and keep up the good work.

 

[Destan]

To review:

[1] I won't skip portions of the story.
[2] I will attempt to better share the POV amongst the party members.
[3] I won't change the writing style or the tone of the story hour.
[4] I'll stop being overly self-conscious regarding the mature theme.

We can move on from there - I don't think there was one person who said, "I like how you skip portions!" or "I only want to hear the story through John of Pell's mouth!". Understood, point taken, got it.

Also, might I add, the lot of you are entirely correct on all those issues.

Now, let me see...grodoggie - I have looked at the Grim n' Gritty stuff, and was mildly interested. My players, however, get extremely antsy whenever I start to play around with house rules or systems they're unfamilair with. So I've pretty much decided to be conservative with respect to the material we use. For now, anyway. I'm getting more daring as I start to feel more comfortable with 3E.

Darthor, Len - glad to have you with us!

Wisdom Penalty - Very, very well done. Always love to see readers who dig into the guts of the tale, so to speak.

Enjoy your weekends, my little chupacabras!

D