Star-Wars III : petty plots in cosmic dressings...

[MrFilthyIke]

While the prequels were much more stilted and stiff to me, I enjoyed them, and thought Ep3 was the best overall (ep 2's yoda kung-fu duel w/ Dooku was the best single scene of the prequels).

Still not as fresh as Ep4-6...but I think the legacy of 1-3 will be in the technology used to create those films.

 

[Pants]

It's not January yet... isn't it a little early for the monthly SW-haet thread?


Not that I loved the prequels or anything (far from it in fact), but I just find it amusing how regularly these kinds of threads pop up...

 

[RangerWickett]

As Eric's Grandma has pointed out, I won't change your mind, and you won't change mine, but we can still be friends.

Nevertheless, I am perpetually bewildered by how people can like the prequels. It's been a while since I've watched the original trilogy, but now I'm going to have to to find out if I'm just crazy, or if George Lucas ever actually was good at directing. Well, there's always American Grafitti.

The thing is, the movies are just bad stories. Consider this:

Star Wars - A young boy's adoptive parents are killed by the evil empire. He finds a mentor of the ways of ancient warriors, then goes on a journey to rescue a princess and helps a heroic rebellion defeat the empire's doomsday device.

The Empire Strikes Back (terrible title, by the way) - As the evil empire seeks to destroy the rebellion, chasing after our young hero's friends, our hero seeks training to become strong enough and wise enough to face and defeat the villain who killed his father. Two of his companions find love, but one is slain by the villain, and when the hero finally confronts his foe, he discovers the man actually is his father, turned to darkness. The tale ends with the friends safe and reunited, but struck with the loss of innocence.

Return of the Jedi - The daring heroism of the companions brings their fallen friend back from the , just in time to lead the assault against the evil empire's stronghold. The two lovers and their companions undertake an epic battle against the reborn doomsday device, risking everything in one final conflict. The young hero has his own path, however. He must travel to the dark heart of the emperor himself, and only by redeeming his father can he save himself and his friends.

(Well, to be fair, the story would have been better if not redeeming Vader would have lost them the battle, but still, a good story.)

Now, we have the original trilogy.

The Phantom Menace - A conflict on an planet drives a princess from her homeland. The dark minion of a mysterious villain pursues her. Guarded by two knights, she discovers a young boy with magical powers, who . . . really does nothing useful, except ally save the day. The princess and her knights fight against lukewarm villains and defeat them. The minion is cool, but his defeat has nothing to do with the rest of the plot.

Attack of the Clones (even worse title) - Bad guy has crazy convoluted plot to take over galaxy, deceive the young boy, and destroy the good guys. It works, and no one notices.

Revenge of the Sith - The young boy finally turns to evil (he should have done this in the last movie), and has a 'born again' type realization that, oh, kids is good. Logic is cast to the winds in favor of special effects.

 

[Flexor the Mighty!]

And I'm perpetually bewildered by how people can like Joss Wheadon's work.

 

[Joshua Randall]

RangerWickett, don't you think your plot synopses are a wee bit biased?

The Phantom Menace - A conflict on an planet drives a princess from her homeland. The dark minion of a mysterious villain pursues her. Guarded by two knights, she discovers a young boy with magical powers, who . . . really does nothing useful, except ally save the day. The princess and her knights fight against lukewarm villains and defeat them. The minion is cool, but his defeat has nothing to do with the rest of the plot.

Anakin does nothing useful except save the day? What the heck? You can argue that his slapstick method of saving the day was lame, but he did save the day, and by definition, that's useful. If Anakin had not destroyed the droid control ship, Padme's and Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon's efforts would have been wasted.

I also take issue with lukewarm villains. Maul was not lukewarm. And even the Trade Federation was kind of neat, with their seemingly endless supply of droids.

Attack of the Clones (even worse title) - Bad guy has crazy convoluted plot to take over galaxy, deceive the young boy, and destroy the good guys. It works, and no one notices.

How about, "bad guy has complex, Machiavellian plot to take over galaxy. He subtly manipulates events to make it happen. It is a dark time for the Rebell-- er, the Republic.

Meanwhile, one of the queen's knights (Obi-Wan) seeks out lost knowledge and fights a villain (Jango Fett) whose son will later resurfance as a thorn in the Rebellion's side.

Meanwhile, the boy with magical powers falls in love with a princess. (Horribly written and acted, but certainly a reasonable -- even necessary -- part of the story.)

It ends in a climactic battle in which many knights die, and the power shifts in favor of the bad guy.

Revenge of the Sith - The young boy finally turns to evil (he should have done this in the last movie), and has a 'born again' type realization that, oh, kids is good. Logic is cast to the winds in favor of special effects.

Surrounded by stressful situations which he is too immature to handle, and played upon by the conniving bad guy, the young boy reluctantly succumbs to evil. The remaining knights might have saved the boy had they not been blinded by their desire to use him against the bad guy. In a climactic battle, the young boy -- now fully turned to evil -- tragically kills the princess before being (almost) mortally wounded by the great knight. But the good guys have (temporarily) lost, and the two remaining knights -- one old, one young -- withdraw in disgrace. The bad guy cackles evilly....

 

[Jeremy]

*waggles fingers at Flexor* I'm perplexing you! I'm perplexing you! *throws bat guano carefully wrapped in a chewing gum wrapper* Perplex!

Can we get the Watcher to do a What If Joss Whedon played script doctor and Steven Spielberg directed Star Wars Episodes 1-3 + 6?

 

[Dark Jezter]

*waggles fingers at Flexor* I'm perplexing you! I'm perplexing you! *throws bat guano carefully wrapped in a chewing gum wrapper* Perplex!

Can we get the Watcher to do a What If Joss Whedon played script doctor and Steven Spielberg directed Star Wars Episodes 1-3 + 6?

Please no. The thought of Joss Whedon having anything to do with Star Wars makes me shiver.

 

[Jeremy]

Fans and the media have grown fond of comparing “Serenity’s” hero, Mal Reynolds, to “Star Wars’” Han Solo – and when SFX Magazine once asked you, “Which movie would you love to have written?” you replied, “Return of the Jedi”! Had you been given the reins of “Jedi,” where would you have driven it? Would you have given Captain Solo more to do? Would Leia not turn out to be Luke’s sister? Would the “another” Yoda spoke of late in “The Empire Strikes Back” turn out to be not-Leia?
Well, first of all, I believe that my actual answer was the movie that I would have liked to have made was actually “Revenge of the Jedi.” Because that’s what it was originally called.

An important distinction.
It really is. And when they changed it I was very worried. Of course they got their “Revenge” later on, but at the time I didn’t know that.

Everything you said was right on the money. The Millennium Falcon would not be piloted in the climactic scene by Lando Calrissian and a frog. It would have been Han, getting it done. The “other” to whom Yoda referred would of course have been a young, female, badass Jedi, because where else would I go with that? It would have not been revealed in the first five minutes that Darth Vader was going to be redeemed. And, yeah, there would have been a little less incest.

I could see you resolving the love triangle perhaps a little more dramatically.
Yes, I would have made it a little harder on everybody. Oh, and I would have had some extra lyrics for the Yub Yub song. And I think his father would have been James Earl Jones [who provided Vader’s voice], or at least Dave Prowse [who filled Vader’s armor].

This summer’s …
Wait, I have one more thing. In the trailer, it looked like Luke was going to go all bad. And I definitely would have explored that territory. It looked like his dad was going to win him over. He looked like he was allied with the Dark Side a little bit. And I realize that, now, again, after this latest “Revenge,” that’s old news. But at the time it was riveting and they didn’t play that out at all. That would have been a big deal.

Yes! Perplexing Flexor and shivering Jezter!

 

[Wormwood]

You know what, I think you are the very first person I have ever met who didn't like one of the Star Wars prequels.

Sarcasm or not, I'm raising my hand anyway. I thought the sequels were the worst sort of tripe.

The crap trend that began with Jedi (the *least* of the Trilogy) went into overdrive.

As far as I am concerned, there were no prequels—just the original Trilogy (in much the same fashion that the Matrix and Highlander are stand-alone films).

 

[Dark Jezter]

Yes! Perplexing Flexor and shivering Jezter!

Hey, I'll have you know that I never once said the things you quoted me as saying in your post! Those statements sound like the things a bad fanfic writer would come up with.