Star Wars prequel questions

[The Firebird]

I feel our definitions of "clear" are not the same, as I don't find that clear at all. Maybe I'm not very clever (which is very possible) but I just watched it and came to a completely different conclusion to you.

He--as Chancellor--has the clone army of the Republic.

His apprentice--Dooku--is overseeing the construction of the droid army on (Geonosis?)

It seems to me he's running both armies. If he's not, then I reiterate that the plot is not clear to me.

He only had indirect control of both armies. The war allowed him to consolidate his political position and almost wipe the Jedi out in the bargain.

 

[The Firebird]

9-year old me thought they were awesome, and that’s who the movie was for.

Seconded!

 

[Belen]

For his plan:

• He needed to corrupt and destroy the Jedi from within and without.
• He needed the galaxy to back him. It cut down on rebellion from the start.
• He destroyed the Republic and turned it into the Sith Empire and made them ask for it.

 

[Gradine]

For some reason, I have just rewatched Phantom Menace and (shudder) Attack of the Clones. I guess I'll continue with Revenge of the Sith.

They aren't great, but aren't as bad as I remember. The greenscreening and CGI, though, has dated terribly.

I've been doing the same (finally got the kiddo into Star Wars with Star Wars Battlefront II (2005)) They are objectively bad movies but there's also not terrible movies hiding between the cracks that a better director of actors might've made actually pretty good.

Anyway, questions. Well, some questions and some observations.

1. Queen Padme Amidala has Kiera Knightly pretend to be her, while she disguises herself as a handmaiden called.... Padme? She's as bad at subterfuge as Bond, James Bond!

She's just Queen Amidala, which we eventually learn* (*George Lucas pulls out of his rear) is a title not a name. Her name was and is still Padme. The subterfuge is to ward off assassination attempts (which we see in Episode II!)

2. What IS that giant room next to the hangar where they fight Darth Maul? Is it the spare walkway storage area for excess walkways? It's in the stone palace/hangar complex, just through a door, and it's this cavernous metal room, clearly bigger on the inside, filled with precarious walkways and some random laser doors which turn on and off sequentially for... reasons? And then a room with a giant hole in it because why wouldn't you have a room with a giant hole in it? Seriously, what IS this room?

You're asking this? About Star Wars? This is the single defining design element across all of Star Wars. It's weird when a Star Wars doesn't have a room like this. See also:

3. I still to this day don't really understand Palpatine's plan. If you own both a giant clone army and a giant robot army, instead of making them fight each other in a giant fake war, why not just use them both to just say "hey, I'm in charge now". Seems like a lot of effort to get to the same goal. Also why does Jango Fett leave the clone army planet and fly to the robot army planet? Just so Obi Wan can follow him because plot? I assume this means he's in on the whole thing and knows all about the fake war and the two armies and stuff, since he hangs out at both places.

I mean, the short answer is yes, because plot. Long answer, Palpatine would have to face the full brunt of the Republic Army AND the Jedi Order, head on, which I don't think he could pull off even with all the droids and all the clones. Instead he gets them all to fight each other, has the clones work with the Jedi so the Jedi will trust them so the clones that quickly murder them with the conditioned Order 66 without the malicious intent the Jedi would otherwise notice, and he gets to claim that he's been the legitimate head of government and successor to the Republic all along. Also, especially in Eps II and III, he's pretty explicitly a stand-in for President [REDACTED] because Lucas's Star Wars has always been deeply political allegory.

4. Why do the Gungans and the droids fight on the Windows XP desktop background?

Long answer: The Gungans are distractions to get the droids out of the city, so Padme and the Jedi can take back the castle. Short answer: Green screen is really expensive.

5. Oh my god that endless droid building factory video game level sequence in Clones hurts my eyes and my brain and my very soul.

Look, before I saw this movie did I ever want a Star Wars movie to include a Megaman level? Yes, actually, that would rule. And then they did it. And it ruled.

6. Why can't jedi actually use swords? They just wave them round ineffectually most of the time. I mean, I know it's all fake laser sword nonsense, but at least make it look strong! The main characters are generally OK, Mace Windu isn't great, and all the jedi in that arena just look awful like they've just been handed a plastic sword and told "try to look cool". Which they fail to do.

Yeah extras don't get the long fancy swordfighting choreography training that actually takes a lot of time and effort and energy. Also some of them are N*Sync, so there's that too.

7. Talking of which, there's one jedi with a really long 3-foot neck which seems like a massive disadvantage when your primary method of combat is swordfighting (and there's no way he's fitting in a starfighter).

Not even top 10 in the worst, but also best, alien designs in Star Wars.

I'm sure I'll have more questions later after I've rewatched Return of the Revenge of the Sith: Electric Boogaloo. As I recall, that's the best of the three.

Unpopular opinion but I honestly think it's just as bad as Ep Two

 

[jian]

I think it's an interesting AU where Palpatine said to himself, "Wait a minute... I'm the elected leader of the largest polity in known space, I have two enormous and completely loyal armies, and nobody else has any armies," and went straight to "I'm declaring myself Emperor and anyone who objects gets shot in the face." If the Jedi and various local militaries (Naboo, Alderaan, whoever) object, they can get shot in the face first, that's literally why he has two enormous armies.

Yes, the Jedi are then driven underground and lead the inevitable resistance for decades, but Palpatine gets to his preferred position without wasting roughly 70% of his men and materiel and about 10 years (or however long it was) on playing Risk with himself. The only conclusion one can reach is that becoming Emperor and dominating the galaxy wasn't the point. Maybe corrupting and sullying the Jedi by making them fight and kill was the point?

 

[The Firebird]

The only conclusion one can reach is that becoming Emperor and dominating the galaxy wasn't the point. Maybe corrupting and sullying the Jedi by making them fight and kill was the point?

"I have been waiting a long time for this moment, my little, green, friend"

 

[Ralif Redhammer]

Yeah, I think you and I agree, I didn't didn't say it elegantly enough. If the director is being artistic (hence Fifth Element) I'm ok with random artistic things that may or may not make sense. (whether that's clothing, buildings, cars, weapons, etc)

That's the thing - is there an artistic vision or is it just a set piece/stage for the action scenes. The latter is, in my opinion, one of the things that really is hindering big genre movies, whether it's Star Wars or Marvel or whatever. The scenery doesn't tell a story, it showcases the action.

if we put aside the exploitative aspect of it, I can forgive Red Sonja's chainmail bikini because it's part of that genre of stories that came out of the 1900s-1950s. But in a modern fantasy telling that takes itself more seriously, it's just dumb to be that exposed to weaponry compared to the others in the party.

As an aside, Red Sonja is a product of the 70s, created by Roy Thomas. Red Sonya of Rogatino is described by REH as follows (not that he didn't have plenty of scantily clad characters in his stories otherwise!):

She was tall, splendidly shaped, but lithe. From under a steel cap escaped rebellious tresses that rippled red gold in the sun over her compact shoulders. High boots of Cordovan leather came to her mid-thighs, which were cased in baggy breeches. She wore a shirt of fine Turkish mesh-mail tucked into her breeches. Her supple waist was confined by a flowing sash of green silk, into which were thrust a brace of pistols and a dagger, and from which depended a long Hungarian saber. Over all was carelessly thrown a scarlet cloak.

 

[Morrus]

She's just Queen Amidala, which we eventually learn* (*George Lucas pulls out of his rear) is a title not a name. Her name was and is still Padme.

I don't know how accurate it is, but according to this she was Padmé Naberrie, and the name Amidala was added as a 'regnal' name to make it Padmé Amidala Naberrie.

Padmé Amidala

Padmé Amidala Naberrie was a human female senator who represented the people of Naboo during the final years of the Galactic Republic. Prior to her career in the Galactic Senate, Amidala was the elected ruler of the Royal House of Naboo. A political idealist, she advocated for the preservation...

starwars.fandom.com

Both ways, her first name is still Padme, and everybody would know that. So when disguising herself, one would expect her to use a fake name other than... Padme.

 

[The Firebird]

Both ways, her first name is still Padme, and everybody would know that. So when disguising herself, one would expect her to use a fake name other than... Padme.

It's a weakness of the script (in the pedantic sense) but makes it easier to follow, especially for 10 year olds. In that regard it's the same as Obi Wan using "Kenobi" as an alias when he has an established connection to Darth, who knows him as Kenobi and has relatives on the planet (all in OT).

Even the Fellowship film hardly uses "Strider".

 

[Whizbang Dustyboots]

Why can't jedi actually use swords? They just wave them round ineffectually most of the time. I mean, I know it's all fake laser sword nonsense, but at least make it look strong! The main characters are generally OK, Mace Windu isn't great, and all the jedi in that arena just look awful like they've just been handed a plastic sword and told "try to look cool". Which they fail to do.

It's weird that a franchise that has been about aping Japanese cinema from the beginning never actually got any Asian movie fight coordinators to take over. It would have been incredible to see even mid-level wuxia level stuff as the default in Star Wars, which Lucasfilm could 100% have afforded to do.