Not your screen monkey (he/him)
You may not find that balancing point game. So what are you prepared to do? You may have to tell your wife not to get lost as much as dial things back for the newbs. And if she can't or won't do that... then you may have to think about splitting groups.So the player with the strongest opinion is ... my wife. I don't exactly want to tell her to get lost. But her preferences in games tend toward crunchy, tactical systems such as 4E D&D and PF2. The other players are more casual and have difficulty with stacking modifiers, creating tactics. Some of the younger ones are counting on their fingers.
For me, sure it gets frustrating. But I also love doing it. I put a lot of effort into the games. I'm bringing together my sister and my nephew (who is also neurodivergent), along with other teens from my neighborhood.
At the same time, I'm finding myself wanting something that is ...
1) simple to run. it's a big group & some of them are inexperienced on top of it.
2) has decent tools to balance the game - or maybe it doesn't require much balancing. I don't want to kill off the characters or have anti-climactic fights. (that's the span I regularly got in 5e.)
3) tactical or interesting enough to appeal to the parents of the teens (and my wife)
I may be lucky in the sense that I've got a network of adult players who are quite willing to dial things back to play with newer players and be satisfied with it or at least not give me any pushback. (and for one of those adults, that's surprising. before he had kids, he was pretty rigid about that kind of thing. parenthood definitely mellowed him and he's great with teaching kids new games beyond all expectations.)