Stupidest things PCs/DMs have done

[Elemental]

^ Lol, thanks

My cousin had another dumb RPG moment.

After single-handedly defeating scores of goblinish guardsmen to rescue his princess, Sir Althegol burst into her chamber and struck a dramatic pose...only to get his skull smashed in by the ogre who was currently residing there. The princess' cell was on the other side of the hallway (which the DM had pointed out, but which Sir Althegol had forgotten in his romantic fervor, the idiot).

"Honey, you've really let yourself go."

 

[Lalalei2001]

My friend is guilty of this one.

Oh, Joe was a champion of Justice and Truth!!! After seeing his fellow PCs obliterate a village in a primitive (yes, quite primitive: iron age) world, he tried to cosmo-blast them into molecules. Unfortunately, he just managed to kill the bartender and destroy the games room of the Piolin (Space-Freaks light pleasure cruiser), infuriating the rest of the crew.

Then, seeing his mischievous deed, Jethro (the self-proclaimed demagoge and paranoid leader) teleported him to the heart of an active volcano, then to the north pole of the (really primitive) planet, then back to the volcano, and so on...

Epitaph: Here lies "Icy-Hot-Joe", fried in the Cosmic Forge.
Note 1: This grave stone has been written by the G.M. (el Clerigo) and Jethro (Freedom).
Note 2: A copy of this epitaph has been sent to the Reeaallly Primitive Planet.



This one involved me.

To start it all of, I was hired by a dawrven enchanter, along with the rest of the party, to clear out a dungeon. We made it to a room with a young blue dragon. As I moved forward to rescue a downed companion from becoming a chew toy, the thief in the party critically failed his attack roll on the dragon and speared me in the back.

I survived (thanks to the gods), and we returned to the surface to rest for the night. In the room we found a Deck of Many Things.

After seeing all the cool stuff they had gotten, I reluctantly drew a card. The player who played the thief made the offhand comment, "Well, the Donjon hasnt been drawn yet." Guess who drew the Donjon? Yup. Me.

 

[Lalalei2001]

And the reason the second one was dumb was because I didn't want to draw a card but did anyway. And of course, I died.

 

[Lalalei2001]

Anyone have any more?

 

[(Psi)SeveredHead]

The well of stupidity is running dry.

Here's one from Modern... but it's not that stupid, so I don't know if it belongs here.

The heroes were on a jungle trek, trying to find a scientist who had vanished in the Amazon. As they travelled, they started running into really messed up mutated creatures, like giant jaguars.

The heroes faced a fairly large number of them. The jaguars had low Defense and all died except one (I don't use advancement rules anymore, instead "inappropriately" applying the Wild Cohort "template"). The one that lived had the template. Being the only one that was a real challenge, it severely injured a Gunslinger PC, but he squeezed out from the cat's grasp and then shot it with his SOCOM, staggering it. Naturally it tried to escape.

The Gunslinger was able to keep up with the big kitty due to his high speed and the kitty's injuries. The rest of the party didn't follow, however, as they figured the big cat wasn't a threat. So this one wounded PC followed it past some bushes, where he got ambushed and jumped on by three more big cats.

He lived, only because the cats' owners (a lost native tribe) weren't bad guys and called them off. However, his injuries resulted in him being given a strange and addictive cure which would cause him more problems as the adventure went on.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

It was not the PC, but rather the player. His big mistake was telling me: "Hey, this is probably the last time I get to play my monk - when I next play, the campaign will surely be over. So I want to go out in a blaze of glory!"

Okay then!

They entered a room with a redspawn birther (large red dino-like monstrousity cooked up by tiamatans) and attacked. The birther got a crit on the monk (no, that one was rolled fair and square), dealing 52 or so damage.

Then the player compounded his earlier error of not shutting up by saying: "I only need a 2 to make the fort save against massive damage!"

He rolled a one.

I decreed that the birther nearly bit his head off, then pulled him in the air by his spine and snatched him from the air, promptly eating him.

Let noone say I don't let player characters go out when they want to.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Oh, another nice one, combining recklessness, foolery and some mean players having fun.

Evil campaign, we're level 13. Attending this day were

My CE drow swordsage 11 (shadowhand and desert wind techniques) who can't bluff jack but always tries (if it works, it's cool, if not, they get angry and you have an excuse to kill everyone! Recklessness is fun!)

A mad, Cyric worshipping CE halfling rogue/invisible blade type.

A LE githzerei monk of bane.


We were in some border regions, disguised as a paladin of helm (me), sun soul monk and little child (who they thought was a chosen one).

We recently vanquished a great evil in the area (we don't like competition, but do like loot!), and enjoyed the tyrrans' hospitality in a castle with a big church of Tyr, and a shrine of Lathander.



Anyway, the monk (not the wisest guy, I wonder how he ever managed to become a monk) decided to desecrate that shrine of lathander a bit. In broad daylight! Okay, there was noone around right now, but still. He started carving Bane's symbol into the shrine with a shuriken, and of course, the thing became awfully hot, it began smoking and people were attracted. I don't remember what he did then, I think he did a very bad job of making an excuse (like that "that's not what it looks like, honest. How did that bloody knive get into my hands" kind of situation).

And now the fun started. The halfling / child was around to watch the whole thing, and started screaming "it was him! it was him!" This attracted a powerful paladin who detected evil, found the monk to be evil. While the halfling / child cried: "he deceived me all this time!" the paladin started to whack the hell out of that monk, who promptly fled home with his plane shift power.

Of course, to get back, he had to plane shift again, and got back 400 miles or so from where we were. He got a teleport ride, but that wasn't cheap.

We were in tears over this ("we" meaning "not the monk's player"). That's evil parties for you, teaching you a lesson about not being too damn obvious. It's the school of hard knocks indeed.

The best part was when we were giving the DM advice on what the paladin would use
"Did he use smite evil? Don't forget that!"
"I'm sure he'd power attack for more damage!"
"He looks as if he had Divine Might"

 

[Lalalei2001]

Here's one from my friend.

When his ship was hijacked, Alan and his party escaped his captors and set the ship for self-destruct. But there was one problem. They forgot they had to jettison the two lifeboats on a previous mission and they never bothered to replace them...

In space, no one can hear you swearing.

 

[Aurora]

Here's one from my friend.

When his ship was hijacked, Alan and his party escaped his captors and set the ship for self-destruct. But there was one problem. They forgot they had to jettison the two lifeboats on a previous mission and they never bothered to replace them...

In space, no one can hear you swearing.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....nice

 

[rose4100]

Pulled a "Scotty", "Han Solo" and "Colonel Oneal" all wraped into one

I was DM'ing a D20 Modern game and the players were investigating a zombie cult at a church in the middle of "the projects" (i think thats the PC way of saying it). In a cave below the church they find the priest casting a spell in a completely dark room (only the priest is illuminated). So our token teen character rushes in as the gunslinger drops the priest with a single shot.

I say "the floor feels soft and moves slightly under your feet". So when HALF the party is already in the room they finally decide to turn on a flashlight, low and behold they are standing on mounds of bodies, which start to raise as zombies. The entire party runs out except the token teen, which is surrounded by a mob of about 50 zombies (honestly, every square grid in the room has a zombie). Our gunslinger desides to strap together a dozen sticks of TNT, lights it and throws it at the girl which is in the center of the room.

It lands at her feet, and KA-BOOM!! An entire room of liquified zombie and she makes enough saves to not take single point of damage (she was a fast hero).

Can i get C3PO to calculate the odds of that one?