D&D 5E Survivor Core Classes- Fighter Wins!

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...a distant voice could be heard coming from the shore:

...well since my baby left me, I've found a new place to dwell
Down at the end of lonely street, at Heartbreak Hotel...

And the party sailed on as fast as they possibly could. Sister Jericho was on full alert, and tried to get the others to do likewise, as even though the Druids were gone that Char-Ging woman was still out there somewhere...
 

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As they entered the Mediterranean sea, it got incredibly choppy. The barge being a riverboat and not made for the sea got all shook up and Gucci fell in. Foghorn immediately prepared to save his little green friend but Shister Jericho put up her hands. "Only fools rush in. Here hand me that rope." They saved their goblin buddy and sailed NorNorWest until they eventually his the island of Crete.

The Cretins weren't home so they carried on their journey to the mainland. When they moored up, Knife asked "Where is this place?"

she was immediately answered by a booming voice in the distance "This Is Sparta."

"Well I hope the foods good"

"Tonight we dine in Hell." Shouted the voice to a cacophony of cheers. And a battle raged on.

"Oh."
 

"How many of us are there?" asked Foghorn, who wasn't very good at counting past three. "Nine," replied Pur-Ging.

"How does 'Nine Against Sparta' sound?"

"Risky."

"How risky, exactly?"

"One a scale of Heroic to Crazy? It's round about Stoopid."

"We could change the course of history?"

"We could change the course of our history, sure."

"But I want to chop heads off."

"So do all those Spartans. Ours."

As the battle raged, Cholmondeley drew his friends aside for a conference. He'd been thinking strategically, which is what dukes do because no-one else ever does. "We do need to change the course of history, yes, but not here. This is not that day. We have the problem that we are being pursued by an evil sorceress, so what we need to do is to abolish sorcery. Create a future with no arcane magic in the world at all. Then she will be powerless and have a lot of explaining to do."

"Sounds easy. Not."

"Arcane magic comes from Atlantis, beyond the Pillows of Hercules. We just need to abolish Atlantis."

"Won't the Atlanteans be quite cross?"

"Probably. But it's all in a good cause. We need to create an enormous tidal wave and sweep it away."

"Yes, and?"

"We can do it with an underwater earthquake. We just need to find the Kraken and persuade it to jump up and down a lot."

"Right, so this minor skirmish between Athens and Sparta is just a side-show?"

"Definitely. We shouldn't even be here."

"Couldn't I just chop a few heads off, seeing as we are here?"

"Oh, alright then. But only half an hour."
 

In the battles of ancient Greece, the more naked you were and the bigger your big round bronze shield was and the more spears you carried, the more senior you were. So the sight of Foghorn in full armour with no shield and not carrying any spears at all was a bit laughable. What was this idiot of a woodcutter even doing on the battlefield at all? No-one took him seriously. He was just in the way. Even when his axe went BOOM! and chopped off a warrior's head, it was regarded as ungentlemanly and not at all the sort of thing that a noble warrior did. That wasn't how you won battles; you won when the other side ran away and they couldn't run away if they were headless, could they? Both teams were starting to get quite annoyed with Foghorn and at half-time, when they stopped for oranges, the two opposing captains had a quiet discussion.

It was in the second half, though, that the trouble really started. As Sister Jericho walked invincibly between the opposing front ranks looking for wounded warriors to heal, the spears that were whizzing to and fro started mysteriously changing course in mid-flight to avoid her and ended up hitting the wrong people. Dashed unsporting, that. They shouldn't allow women on the battlefield at all, especially ... uh, oh. "Lads! Lads!" shouted a prince of Sparta, "She's a goddess! They've brought their own goddess! It's against the rules!" But a prince of Athens shouted right back "She's not one if ours! You brought her yourself! Cheat!" and they all fell to fighting again about who was right. It went on for centuries.
 

And so half an hour (and about a third of a class level) worth of head-chopping later Foghorn finally laid his blood-dripping choppyaxe on the pile of heads he'd chopped, looked around for someone to cure the masses of nicks and scratches he'd accumulated, and loudly declared he'd had enough for the day.

Problem was, there was nobody around to hear him say this except headless dead people put into this condition quite recently by none other than himself. His friends had all left after watching the first few dozen heads fly, to do other things. How dull......

Ronni and Keyes knew a good opportunity when they saw it. An entire realm, fat and ripe for the plucking, and distracted while its two biggest city states fought each other - does it get any better than that? The two thieves had a wonderful time plundering the place, each returning with a bag of pretty but worthless trinkets mixed in with some highly valuable gems and jewelry. Keyes' bag also had someone's left ear in it - she had a diamond earring she just had to have and been a bit too enthisiastic in its acquisition. They'd taken Knife along as well, for old time's sake, and by the time they were done she was starting to have some interesting memories involving jugular veins, deadly substances, and good pay...it was starting - just starting - to come back to her.

Once done with their spree the sneaks melded into the shadows, returned to the party's barge, and had a party barge barge party to celebrate all the xp they'd just picked up.

Gucci and Freedo found a fine inn, sampled some of their fine wine, got tossed out by a fine bouncer (because, goblins), then made their not-so-sober way back to the barge and joined in the party there.

Sister Jericho, with Pur-Ging for company, went into town and did what quick research she could on the Kraken - what is was, where it might be found, how many others had seen it and lived to tell the tale (very few indeed), and how best to persuade it to do something useful for you like jump up and down a few times. She then quickly hit the market and picked up a small bag of olives and some truly awful retsina wine (her research had both as being good Kraken persuaders, though it was unclear how); and they returned to the barge. On seeing the party they put their gear on board, then returned to shore and kept watch.

And Cholmondley, after his most unusual bout of clear thought and strategic planning, wandered out to a rocky point and sat contemplating the waves, his mind filled with memories of Harrington and thoughts of happy (but righteous) vengeance on the evil Char-Ging.

......and so Foghorn, bleeding from dozens of small cuts and looking quite a bit more badass than when he started the day, made his unsteady way to the barge. The good Sister intercepted him at the head of the dock and practiced her healing magic; then all reunited on what was becoming a boisterous barge full of adventurers..........
 
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[MENTION=6777052]BoldItalic[/MENTION] We've cross-posted, and have Jericho in two places at once. But, she's capable of temporarily cloning herself...isn't she? :)
 

[MENTION=6777052]BoldItalic[/MENTION] We've cross-posted, and have Jericho in two places at once. But, she's capable of temporarily cloning herself...isn't she? :)
Sorry about the cross-posting. As I read it, she had half an hour to get back to town after leaving the battlefield, so she could be shopping while Foghorn was still chopping. Half an hour is plenty, if the battle was nearby. Like, in the local sports stadium. Archaeologists haven't discovered it, because it's been buried beneath a supermarket car park. There. Rewriting history is easy. :D
 

The barge-inn was rocking, it was popping, and it was illuminating the night time voyage. This was the place to be. Keyes and Ronni eventually persuaded Knife to join them in a little mischief. They all practiced their sleight of hand skills by swapping everyone’s items around.

Sister Jericho, had earlier picked up a bronze shield off the battlefield as both a tourist trinket but also because she needed one. After studying it for a while, it decided talked to her.

“…………………………….dnuobeR ma I”

“?em sdleiw ohW………………………..”

“Uhm hello? Do you speak Al Qathassian?” replied a confused Cleric

“!oN”

Jericho then looked on the inside of the shield. It was mirrored. Dash it. We might have a medusa infestation around these parts. She muttered to herself.

The shield muttered back “We are in the Med.”

“I can understand you”

“You are looking into the mirror are you not? Otherwise everything is all backwards. I am Rebound is what I was saying. Who are you?”

The conversation went on all night and the partygoers all assumed that the unintelligible Sister had had far too much of that weird retsina wine. Until Foghorn accidently bumped into the shield that Jericho was holding. He went flying in the opposite direction, flew out of the barge and landed nearly 300 feet away on a recently surfaced Kraken

Sister Jericho was desperately trying to hush a chuckling Rebound.
 

...a distant voice could be heard coming from the shore:

...well since my baby left me, I've found a new place to dwell
Down at the end of lonely street, at Heartbreak Hotel...

And the party sailed on as fast as they possibly could. Sister Jericho was on full alert, and tried to get the others to do likewise, as even though the Druids were gone that Char-Ging woman was still out there somewhere...

What?!? That's all we get from Bubba-Hotep? A cameo?!?!
 

The Kraken kept very quiet and still, so as not to frighten the boat. It had often tried to tame a boat for a pet but boats were easily frightened and it had never really succeeded. You have to let the boat come to you, and very slowly gain its confidence and then perhaps it will follow you and be friends. It badly wanted a pet. The Kraken was lonely.

As it very gently reached out a tentacle to stroke the boat and reassure it, something jumped from the boat and fell on its back. It was small and wriggly. Maybe it was a parasite? The Kraken didn't want to catch boat-worm, if that's what it was. It picked up the wriggly thing carefully, so as not to get bitten, and put it back on the boat. It stroked the boat very, very gently along the side and the boat didn't seem to mind. This was very encouraging. The Kraken turned blue all over with red dots, to show how friendly it wanted to be, but the boat didn't reply. This was disappointing.
 

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