Talk Nerdy to me

[Dannyalcatraz]

The Warlock Queen's Lament
(To the tune of Shirley Bassey's "Diamonds are Forever")

Demons are forever,
They are all I need to please me,
They can stimulate and tease me,
They won't leave in the night,
I've no fear that they might desert me.
Demons are forever,
Call one up and then caress it,
Touch it, stroke it and undress it,
I can see every part,
Nothing hides in their hearts to hurt me.

I don't need love,
For what good will love do me?
Demons never lie to me,
For when love's gone,
They'll lust and on.

Demons are forever,
Burning round my little finger.
Unlike men, the Demons linger;
Men are mere mortals who
Are not worth going to your grave for.

I don't need love,
For what good will love do me?
Demons never lie to me,
For when love's gone,
They'll lust and on.

Demons are forever, forever, forever.
Demons are forever, forever, forever.
Forever and ever.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

More than Swords (just get me out of here you idiot!)

(to the tune of Extreme's "More than Words")

Slaying the dragon
Using swords a wizard gave to you
Its not that I want you
Not to slay, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than swords is all you have to use to make it real
Then you wouldn’t have to slay any dragons
‘Cause I'd already flee

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than swords to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those swords away
Then you couldnt make things new
Just by slaying “All for you!”

More than Swords

Now I’ve tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is rescue me
Now just reach out your hands and save me
Get me out don’t ever let me go
More than swords is all I ever needed you to use
Then you wouldn’t have to slay any dragons
‘Cause I'd already flee

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than swords to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those swords away
Then you couldn’t make things new
Just by slaying “All for you!”

More than Swords

(Drummer lights torch and waves it side to side...)

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Somewhere in this thread is a band that will record these tunes...

http://www.enworld.org/forum/off-to...9401-find-out-your-band-name-debut-album.html

 

[BrooklynKnight]

I'd certainly pay to hear that band. Hell if I could play an instrument I'd be in it!

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Ley Line (to the tune of Layla, by Eric Clapton)

What'll I do when I lack mana?
And nobody's fighting by my side?
I've been running and hiding much too long.
I know it's just my foolish pride.

[Chorus
Lay Line, you've got me on my knees.
Lay Line, I'm begging, spirits please.
Lay Line, mana won't you flow into my wand.

I tried to give you supplication
When other casters let you down.
Like a fool, I got in tune with you,
Turned my whole world upside down.

[Chorus]

Let's make the best of the situation
Before I finally go insane.
Please don't say we'll never find a way
And tell me all my spells are in vain.

[Chorus 2x]

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Keep 'Em Animated (To the tune of Keep 'Em Separated by The Offspring)

Its the latest fashion
Its a spreading disease
Wizards castin' spells somewhere down in the donjon
Making Constructs with the greatest of ease

Golems placed in strategic locales
And if they catch you sneakin' then it's all over pal
If those guys' password ain't the one for the day
They're gonna bash it up, bash it up, bash it up, bash it up...

(Chorus)

Hey - man you stealin' that from me?
Take him out
You gotta keep 'em animated

Hey - man you disrespecting me?
Take him out
You gotta keep 'em animated

Hey Hey they don't have no mind
And you're level 18- you won't be doing any time
Hey Hey Hey- the Golem plays

(Verse 2)

By the time they hear the Golem
It's already too late
One's thrown to the moat and the other gets crushed
One guy's floatin' and the other's a paste

*

It goes down the same as the thousand before
No one's getting smarter
No one's learning the score
The never ending tale of theft and violence and death
Is gonna end all your hope, end all your hope, end all your...

 

[ExploderWizard]

Keep 'Em Animated (To the tune of Keep 'Em Separated by The Offspring)

Made of awesome!!

 

[ExploderWizard]

Here is the third installment of the classic module series. I did the first two (Shrine of Kuo Tua, and Inverness) under my old screen name.

KEEP ON THE BORDERLANDS
To the tune of "Close to the Borderline" with apologies to Billy Joel

Crossbow, polearm, possible PC homicide
the dwarf stands down and the elf gets mad
The thief shows his smooth side
Evil guy skulking in the yard looks like hes got his time to bide
He wants to case that bank
Cause the scrawny clerk, is his man on the inside

While the lizard men hide in thier dark place
The black widows throw a web in my face
I get attacked by a hermit thats stark raving mad
I don't want to fight him cause his life is so sad
Encounters' tough but its just enough
To get me the level when its XP time

I survived, I'm still alive
But I'm getting close to the borderlands
Keep on the borderlands

A gold six silver
Won't buy you much lately in the keep these days
And when you can get plate
You know you can't run fast any more in the high caves
Rich man, poor man, and both are Karameikan
Bodies lying on the ground
The Bree-Yark yell we're gonna all go to hell
When the goblins charge down

I got a sword plus one and some style you can see
I don't cast the spells they get cast on me
I got real stupid friends that will make me sigh
They don't know how to map and they ain't gonna try
I shouldn't bitch, I shouldn't cry

I'd get some new companions but I don't have time

I don't know why, I'm a lawful guy
But I'm getting close to the borderlands
Keep on the borderlands

I thought I'd hack n slash so many things
I thought I'd cleave them all away
I didn't think I looted everything
but you cant afford to plunder what you're not prepared to slay

I need a wizard for my messy kills
I need a cleric for my medical ills
I need a banker to finance my keep
I need security to get some sleep
It isn't new the caves I'm going through
But every player knows you got to play one time

Another night I fought the good fight
But I'm getting closer to the borderlands
The Keep on the Borderlands

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

In this thread

http://www.enworld.org/forum/general-rpg-discussion/262995-i-hate-armor.html

Someone brought up the risk that a PC was taking wandering around the town unarmored in a "typical" campaign. Namely, a RBDM might throw attacks from any angle- a risk he termed...Kobold Beer Ninjas.

Eventually, I had to post this:

(Don't Fear) Beer Ninjas

All our armor's stored
Neatly in our rooms
Seasons don't fear beer ninjas
Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain..we can be like they are
Come on baby...don't fear beer ninjas
Baby drop that shield...don't fear beer ninjas
We'll be able to fight...don't fear beer ninjas
Baby I'm your man...

Armor's overdone
Weighs you like a stone
Martial artists move freely
With displays of dexterity...Martial artists move freely
Flurrying with many weapons everyday...Like Martial artists so sweetly
Flurrying with many weapons everyday...Redefine happiness
Another super flurry coming everyday...We can be like they are
Come on baby...don't fear beer ninjas
Baby take my hand...don't fear beer ninjas
We'll be able to fight...don't fear beer ninjas
Baby I'm your man...

Love of steel is strong
Strong, but now its gone
Came my last night in armor
And it was clear it shouldn't go on
Then the door was open and the wind appeared
The candles blew then disappeared
The curtains flew then they appeared...saying don't be afraid
Come on baby...and she had no fear
And she ran to them...then they started to fight
They looked around and ran in fear...she had become like they are
She had taken the fight...she had become like they are
Come on baby...don't fear beer ninjas

 

[Alzrius]

I love song parodies!

Against The Rules (to the tune of Against All Odds, with apologies to Phil Collins)

You think I’d just let you walk away
Let you pass without a trace
When I stand here, stand inside this dungeon room, ooh
You’re the only one who really fought me at all

How can you wind walk away from me
Are you trying to take a reprieve?
‘Cause we’ve fought in melee and in ranged
And even cast the heals
You’re the only one who really fought me at all

So turn undead at me now
My skull’s full of empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me
That I used to have a face
Turn undead at me now
My skull’s full of empty space
And casting raise dead on me
Is against the rules
That’s a DM’s call I’ll face

I wish I could just make you cast sunburst
Cast sunburst and see me die
‘Cause I turned your party into goo
That’s the main reason why
You’re the only one who really fought me at all

So turn undead at me now
My skull’s full of empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me
That I used to have a face
Turn undead at me now
My skull’s full of empty space
But to fight with you
Well that’s what I must do
My alignment changed with race
Use greater turn on me now
Use your domain power here
And casting raise dead on me
Is against the rules
That’s a DM’s call I’ll face

Just turn undead at me now