Talk Nerdy to me

[Alzrius]

Mr. D&D Guy (to the tune of American Pie, with apologies to Don McLean)

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
How that boxed set used to make me smile
And I knew that when it was my chance
I could make those weird dice dance
And maybe I could DM for a while

But that GM’s Day made me shiver
When that email was delivered
And those threads on the forum
I just couldn’t ignore ‘em

I can’t remember if I cried
As my PCs hp declined
But somehow it hurt deep inside
The day that Gary died

So bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die
Gaming itself will never die

Did you write the PHB
And did you help bring about 1E
All those many years ago?
Do you believe in lucky rolls
Can minis make my PC whole
And can you teach me to play like a pro?

Well, I know that your game was so neat
When I saw that blank character sheet
So many things to choose
Man, I dig those alternate rules

I was a lonely teenage egghead nerd
Who was captivated by those written words
But I couldn’t believe what I heard
The day that Gary died

I started playin’
Bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die
Gaming itself will never die

Now in 4E we’ll have all-new rules
And use virtual books and tools
But that’s not how it used to be
When we all adventured back in Greyhawk
All the things we did were all the talk
Of the world he wrote for you and me

Oh, and while Zagyg was looking down
He was kicked out of his hometown
The judge it seemed was blind
So he left them behind
The Journeys then seemed Dangerous
The fans all kicked up quite a fuss
Wondering “What’s this mean for us?”
The day that Gary died

I started playin’
Bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die
Gaming itself will never die

Dissin’ tradition with a new edition
Not seein’ what we’d lost in transition
Campaign worlds all appearing fast
With desert worlds and demi-planes
The gamers thought there would be great gains
Never knowing that it simply couldn’t last

Now the late nineties were filled with gloom
And the game itself seemed to face its doom
We all looked up one day
Oh, TSR had gone away!
And then WotC came to take the wheel
And we felt like we’d never heal
Kinda like how we all would feel
The day that Gary died

I started playin’
Bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die
Gaming itself will never die

Oh, 2E’d been all over the place
Throughout the planes and wildspace
With no main point of reference
So come on Third Edition, OGL
And please bring Zagyg back as well
‘Cause, he has always been a gamer’s friend

Oh, and as I watched him take the stage
It seemed like it was a new age
We all then cheered his name
He was back in the game!
But when the fervor died down later on
I just blinked once and he was gone
Leaving me wondering what went wrong
The day that Gary died

I was playin’
Bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die
Gaming itself will never die

I met a guy who played LA
‘Cause he liked gaming Gary’s way
But his group had since all moved on
I went down to my gaming store
Where I’d bought Greyhawk years before
But the man there said that old books didn’t pay

And online, gamers felt bereaved
The newbies cried, the grognards grieved
But not a game was halted
Just like he would have wanted
Now the man that I admired most
Has gone and given up the ghost
But somehow he still felt so close
The day that Gary died

And I was playin’
Bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die
Gaming itself will never die

I was playin’
Bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

No apologies necessary- that was well done!

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Here's one to make Isaac Hayes spin in his grave (first posted in http://www.enworld.org/forum/general-rpg-discussion/263931-new-d-d-movie-works-4.html)...

Drizzt!

Who's the spell-slingin' drow
whose swordsmanship makes you go wow?
(Drizzt!)
You're damn right
Which dark elf
would risk his neck for someone else?
(Drizzt!)
Can ya dig it?
Who's the cat that won't cop out
when there's danger all about
(Drizzt!)
Right on
You see this cat Drizzt is a bad mother--
(Shut your mouth)
But I'm talkin' about Drizzt
(Then we can dig it)
He's a complicated man
but no one understands him but his woman
(Drizzt Do'Urden)

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Based on Jim Carroll's "People Who Died"


PCs Who Died

Argos poking ooze, he was brave and bold
Fell on his head- it was Green Slime
Lillith was wandering when she pulled the plug
On Underdark mushrooms and stolen Drow wine
Vorgen got lycanthropy, 19 years old
He looked like a wolf when he died
They were PCs of mine

Those are PCs who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

Steelberg and Markov let their rations go rotten
So they died of botulism in upper Trollhattan
Wilf was sleeping when a Bullete took his head
Knobby OD'd on mandrake on the night that he was wed
They were two more friends of mine
Two more PCs that died

Those are PCs who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

Kali took a dry dive from a tower room
Wulfgang hung himself from a cell in the tombs
Jando went swimming with an Elder Brain
Eddie got slit in the jugular vein
And Eddie, I miss you more than all the others
And I salute you brother

Those are PCs who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

Griffin pushed Stony from the Mage's Club roof
Stony thought that his rage was just some goof
But Griffin sure gave Stony some wicked proof
"Hey," Griffin said, "Stony, can you fly?"
But Stony couldn't fly, Stony died

Those are PCs who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

Ryfen got busted on a smuggling rap
He beat the rap by rattin' out assassins
He said, "Hey, I know it's dangerous, but I’m still laughin’"
But the next day he got offed by the same assassins

Those are PCs who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died