[after pondering a bit]
"You know, Lasair, no offense intedned, but from a purely theoretical viewpoint, this feeling that you are an 'outsider' is as much a product of your own choice as it is the circumstances you find yourself in.
Michael's running away, for example, was probably due to something you said -- I suspect this to be true. You said something that, in our culture, was disturbing to him. This isn't a product of your being an 'outsider' in some fundamental way. You are simply ignorant of social customs -- that's it.
Are you Lasair, who you are, even bereft of a few cultural trappings? Yes, you must wear "our" clothing. Yes, you eat "our" food. Are you thus not Lasair? Certainly not. You are more than your clothes. Clothing does not make a man, or woman.
So, just learn our ways. Learn our customs. Speak less, listen more, and learn. And, when you have learned our ways (which are not very complicated) you can speak without fearing to do accidental harm to others. You will still be, and forever will be, Lasair. THAT has not changed.
Even those within this culture -- perhaps speaking for myself -- even though I was born here, am I "really" part of this culture? Am I an outsider as well? Perhaps I feel different than the rest; different from my sisters and brothers. So be it. I have adapted, and get along relatively well. There is more than one way to be an outsider. If you chose to minimize the discomfort it causes -- its' much easier on everyone. I have made that choice. Perhaps you will too.
There is also -- forgive me again -- a certain element of, how shall I put it? Egoism in your constant worrying about others reactions to yourself, to your words, to your form, to your deeds. Have you considered that others may not really be paying that much attention to you? That your words are not that important that they require a constant watch? That Michael's fleeing was more a product of who he was than anything you said -- if you hadn't sent him fleeing, perhaps the barmaid over there would have, or who know? Maybe I would have. He's a man, he's responsible for himself. You need not think your own utterences overly powerful, Lasair. Perhaps you should relax some, sit back, and (if you are worried about making a faux pas) listen and learn. Can do no harm, at the very least.
[sips from his beer, seems to wake up from his speech-induced concentrated stare]
"As for the gift" [pointing to the blue flame on his finger] "it's not so much a gift as a learned skill, much like leatherworking or cheesemaking. My mentor, the singer by the sea, used to say there wasn't much to it but hard work and book sense. I think he was right, more than not."
