Tell Us Your Best RPG Joke

[mythusmage]

I recall an entire list of D&D lightbulb jokes. Stuff on the order of...

How many orcs does it take to change a light bulb?

None, orcs like it in the dark.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Q: How many alienists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Fish

 

[Keeper of Secrets]

An elf, a human, and a dwarf are sitting in a bar. The barmaid brings them their drinks, and each happens to have a fly in it.

The elf pushes away his elfwine, "I will not drink this."

The human fishes the fly out of his ale, crushes it, and takes a swallow.

The dwarv carefully flys the fly out of his whiskey, gentle puts it on the rim of the mug, and bellows "All right, spit it out!"

Cheers,
=Blue(23)

Worth repeating as this was my favorite.

 

[Xaov]

here are some events that occured for the female player in my group.

ME(slightly abridge): Alright inside the room is a frost giant he says some stuff and proceeds to attack

Players attack back furiously

FemalePlayer: Well my character was a dancer and worked on her feet a lot so could I aim for the Achilles tendon?

ME: Oh really I thought you worked on your back most of the time.

FemalePlayer: Huff puff

on another note this same player has a real love for kids.

FP: I am going to herd the kids and take them out of the city

(orcs ravishing the city the whole time)

ME: so you are with the kids? alright well one of them gets afraid and runs away.

FP: I SHOOT A MAGIC MISSLE AT IT!

ME: you are shooting a magic missle at the kid?

FP: WHAT!!!!! I thought you were saying one of the orcs run away


this entire campaign was filled with all these types of jokes. Thankfully she's a good sport

 

[Belen]

See...I just cannot come up with an grandma approved jokes. (sigh) I need help.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

A man was out late walking his dachshunds when he suddenly was attacked by a stranger who threw him to the ground and shoved a wooden stake through his heart.
A friend of the dog owner saw it all and cried out "Why did you do that? He never did anything to you?"

"But he was a vampire! You can tell by the overlong canines!"


The dwarven mafia (you know, those 4 foot guys in the 1200 gm armani suits who make you an offer you cannot refuse) cought one of their money counters embezzling money. The guy was deaf-mute, as they figured he couldn't hear them plan their crimes and couldn't tell the guards anything, anyway.
The Don's interrogating him, using a translator who knows sign language.

Don: "Why did ye do it, ye bastard?"
Translator: "He wants to know why you did it?"
Money counter: "I thought they wouldn't get behind me, as they have so much money"
Translator: "He thought you wouldn't find out"
Don: "The hell we wouldn't. Tell him if he tells us where the money is, he gets away with a couple of broken legs, if not, I'll cleave his skull right here."
Translator: "He wants the money and will only maim you, not kill you."
Money counter: "Please, don't kill me! I hid the money in the cavern outside the city, at the far end of the mushroom patch."
Translator: "He say you don't have the guts to do it, you fat, beardless son of a gnome."

 

[fanboy2000]

#27

I was wondering outside the dealer's room at a local gaming convention about 2 years ago when I came across a side room that had several long time gamers sitting around in a circle. They were shouting numbers at each other, things like "63!" and "127!" Everyone laughed when a number was shouted.

I watched for a few minutes, trying to figure out what was going on, but I couldn't. So, I decided to be nosy and ask someone near the door I was standing at.

"Excuse me sir." I said to some one who looked like Elminster incarnate. "But could you tell me what's going on?"

"Sure," he said. "We're old friends who've been coming to this gaming convention for 15 years. Well, we know all each other's old stories, so one year we numbered them and now we just shout them out."

The very concept struck me as odd, so I thanked him and continued to watch a little bit longer. After a minute or two, someone shouted "163!" and everyone fell off their chairs laughing. The guy I talked to was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down his cheeks. I couldn't hold in my curiosity, I had to know. "What? What was so funny?" I asked Elminster. He gasped for breath and said, "Oh! That was one we hadn't heard yet!"

 

[Hanuman]

"Did you hear about the famous ancient barefoot mage who drank from the cursed fountain that gives you bad breath forever?"

"No"

"He was a Super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis"


They've a temper, some of them - paticularly verbs: they're the proudest - adjectives you can do anything with, but not verbs - however, I can manage the whole lot of them! (Through the Looking-Glass)

 

[The Quijotic Moose]

Rimshot!

How do you know God's not a munchkin?

Because he let his PC die for roleplaying reasons.

 

[TheAuldGrump]

I was wondering outside the dealer's room at a local gaming convention about 2 years ago when I came across a side room that had several long time gamers sitting around in a circle. They were shouting numbers at each other, things like "63!" and "127!" Everyone laughed when a number was shouted.

I watched for a few minutes, trying to figure out what was going on, but I couldn't. So, I decided to be nosy and ask someone near the door I was standing at.

"Excuse me sir." I said to some one who looked like Elminster incarnate. "But could you tell me what's going on?"

"Sure," he said. "We're old friends who've been coming to this gaming convention for 15 years. Well, we know all each other's old stories, so one year we numbered them and now we just shout them out."

The very concept struck me as odd, so I thanked him and continued to watch a little bit longer. After a minute or two, someone shouted "163!" and everyone fell off their chairs laughing. The guy I talked to was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down his cheeks. I couldn't hold in my curiosity, I had to know. "What? What was so funny?" I asked Elminster. He gasped for breath and said, "Oh! That was one we hadn't heard yet!"

'Number 36!' and the crowd just stood there... lookin'
'Number 48!' and the crowd just stood there... lookin'
'Number 19!' and the crowd just stood there... lookin'
'Number..' and a man held up his hand.
'Ah, just give it up kid, you never could tell a joke worth a darn.'

The Auld Grump, the black and white space marine on the black and white bike....