THE BIG "D"---i never thought it would be me:(

[Pielorinho]

When you get an attorney, I'd recommend mentioning this thread to the attorney and asking for advice: on other boards, I've had attorneys recommend that nobody discuss any matter that might be subject to litigation, not in a publicly-accessible online messageboard.

My sympathies and hopes go out to you and your daughter.

Daniel

 

[Greatwyrm]

You can make more money and you can get another house, but you can't replace your daughter. Fight for her at all costs. You wouldn't sit by and watch someone come in your house and hurt her. Don't sit by and watch your soon-to-be-ex poison her against you for the next 20 years.

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

You can make more money and you can get another house, but you can't replace your daughter. Fight for her at all costs. You sit by and watch someone come in your house and hurt her. Don't sit by and watch your soon-to-be-ex poison her against you for the next 20 years.

My mother stole me from my father in a well-planned divorce. My grandmother came for a "visit" and the next thing I knew, I was on my way back to my mother's childhood home. I had aboslutely no desire to live with her. At the age of 11, I hated her (and still do for that matter).

My father was never able to get custody of me - despite my mother's inability to parent (we're talking proven drug use, a string of wildly abusive boyfriends, liberal and public sexual encounters, as well as a HUGE gambling problem - my mom is a bad person).

My dad did not fight for custody initially because he had hopes of getting back together with my mother/could not find my brother and me because my mom had hidden us with relatives. It was terrible. I did not see my father for nearly two years.

GW makes such a strong point - you fight for her now or you may never get her.

 

[frankthedm]

No responce by thread starter. Either the OP was trolling and made the senario up or he went into a denial coma rather than accept his wife is a bad person.

Or maybe he is busy

 

[spidertrag]

No responce by thread starter. Either the OP was trolling and made the senario up or he went into a denial coma rather than accept his wife is a bad person.

Or maybe he is busy

Busy----some of the aforementioned problems/concerns are being taken care of---thanks for the advice

 

[Lela]

No responce by thread starter. Either the OP was trolling and made the senario up or he went into a denial coma rather than accept his wife is a bad person.

Or maybe he is busy

I wouldn't expect one. I've learned over time that responding to your own threads is usually a bad idea and don't generally respond in threads I start.

 

[Jesus_marley]

Again, I hate to be the alarmist here, but there is one thing you must take extra care to protect yourself from. There is a possibility that you may get hit with an assault, or sexual misconduct charge. It is a common tactic in divorce proceedings to accuse one party of abuse in order to gain an adavntage.
The reason is that even the mere suggestion of abuse paints the accused in a negative light. I have seen more people ruined by a false allegation than I care to count. You will find your self fighting on two fronts. one to clear your name and prove your innocence, the other to protect yourself during the divorce.
It is a nasty cruel predicament that you are in and I do not envy you. My prayers are with you however, and I hope that you pull through this difficulty relatively unscathed.

 

[Chimera]

Again, I hate to be the alarmist here, but there is one thing you must take extra care to protect yourself from. There is a possibility that you may get hit with an assault, or sexual misconduct charge. It is a common tactic in divorce proceedings to accuse one party of abuse in order to gain an adavntage.

13.5 months off the finalization of my bitter and extremely nasty divorce process, I can attest to this in spades.

My ex-wife was and is on SSDI (Social Security Disability Income) for Mental Illness. I was hit with the firehose of false claims of physical and emotional abuse. She claimed that I was defrauding her financially and that I was trying to steal her house. Never mind that my house had been sold and half the profits used to pay off her massive debts (that she'd lied about before we got married).

Lawyer up. NOW

(And on that score, don't be afraid to fire your lawyer and get another if you're not satisfied with their work or with your working relationship with them. I wish I'd done that.)

Document everything possible. Clear out any account that you have access to and put it elsewhere. Get your paws on any and every item that could concievably be called yours and put it somewhere she can't get to. Possession in these cases is worth more than 100 claims of property rights.

And like others said, buck up. Looks nasty now and it sure will be painful. But as the process goes on, you will realize the positive side of things even amid the pain and accusations. A good part of that for me was self-discovery. Learning how much I had compromised myself and sacrificed myself for someone who was, in the end of all things, only using me. Learning how I could be a better person for myself and for others by not decreasing myself in that manner.


Why do we fall?

So we can learn how to get back up.

 

[devilbat]

Why do we fall?

So we can learn how to get back up.

I was wondering where I would first see this Batman Begins quote.

 

[Bront]

I see a problem you've had in your relationship simply from your pros and cons.

Your wife dominated your relationship and wouldn't let you be you. Gaming and D&D is a part of you, and she should have to deal with that, and a little time with the guys away from her isn't supposed to be an issue. It also sounds like she was quite controling with the finances, and I would guess in a few other ways as well.

My live in GF is not a gamer (She thinks it's stupid), but she knows that I enjoy it, and I have a regular gaming group (Once every other week) and get to go on one gaming induced vacation a year (usually to Gencon, might be Origins next year, but who knows). It's never realy been an issue, and the time I get away strengthens our relationship. At the same time, I never try to simply say no to anything she may want to do, especialy with friends, as it's healty to have some hobbies and friends.

You'll get through this. You'll be a better man for it eventualy. And don't let yourself get down. Just because you love/care deeply for your wife doesn't mean it was ment to be. Sometimes you're better off just being realy good friends, and hopefully you can devolpe that with your soon to be ex-wife, especialy for the sake of your daughter.

Meanwhile, you should look into any custody issues that may arise. I don't know if you want primary custody or joint custody or what. Given you've had a job longer, you might be able to get full custody, should have no problems getting joint custody. Also, if she insists on you both getting one lawyer, make sure you pick the lawyer and you pay for it (Don't let her pick and you pay, that could be bad). While you could get a lawyer to represent both of you, that can be hard if there are contested issues. And if you simply use "her" lawyer, you have a lawyer representing her even though they could be working with you, and that could be a problem if many contested issues happen.

Hope this all helps