I do think that you are forcing your opinion on the text. I don't have the book in front of me, so I can't confirm exactly what you said
I'm going to stop you right there. Let's look at the book:
"If you decide to use only status quo encounters, you should probably let your players know about this. Some of the encounters you place in your setting will be an appropriate challenge for the PCs, but others might not be" (p. 48)
"In general...[stuff about ELs]" (p. 48)
"In general...[another paragraph about ELs" (p. 49)
"Remember that when the EL is higher than the party level, the chance for PC fatality rises dramatically" (p. 49)
You'll note that this last one does not say all the PCs will die, it makes a much more qualified statement. If you do actually read the section, it's clear that it is general advice, not rules.
The reason they AREN'T part of the SRD is the exact opposite reason. The XP chart for calculating XP was considered so intrinsic to playing and running D&D that WOTC felt if they left it out of the SRD, people would still buy the book and wouldn't be able to copy it precisely.
I doubt that WotC thought this, but if they did, they were wildly misguided. As has been covered several times, only a minority of players on ENW use that system. It certainly is not intrinsic. You can throw out the whole thing quite easily.
For example, CoC d20 uses the same basic mechanics, and even gives its monsters CRs. However, the CR is basically described once as "this is a rough guess of how powerful a monster is" and there is no information about standard encounter difficulty, encounter building using CRs, modifying CRs, or XP. Because that is the point of a CR; it's someone's guess of how powerful a monster is, not a mechanical representation of anything.
There's definitely some debate about this. It's commonly accepted that house ruling is fine in D&D, I agree. But it's also common to house rule some of the rules of Football when it's played out on the playground outside of schools as well. It's not real Football, but it's close enough and the rules are often changed to allow for things like the wrong number of players, a smaller field size, and difficulty to handle with no dedicated referee.
Okay, sure, there are different contexts. An "official" game has strict rules, those rules may be modified for certain situations (but remain rules) and people may play loose with the rules in an "unofficial" game.
It's simply the culture that has risen around D&D that is perfectly accepting of changes to the rules. I'd argue, however, that by pure definition any game that changes the rules isn't "D&D" in it's purest form.
Have you read Unearthed Arcana? Besides the variant rules, there's also a boatload of sidebars that say, in effect "this is how I do things in my game, signed [D&D writer]". Their games often run very differently than the published rules. And they
wrote the rules. So no, there is no "pure D&D" in the rulebooks that we then alter; if anything, the "purest" form of D&D comes straight from the DM of your home game.
You may not understand the reason for the rule and your particular group might be able to run without it just fine. However, I don't doubt for a second that a LOT of thought was put into everything written in the book. Nothing would have been written and put in the book unless something thought it was important to be there and had a good reason for it.
There may have been thought put into it (and I do think that a lot more thought was put into the 3.0 core rulebooks than anything that came before or after them), but just because they thought about it doesn't mean they were right.
I hate using them. The difference between the two is that in a story you are reading it can often feel like "Oh, those guys were lucky and something odd happened to save them". In an RPG, where all the players know the rules, contrivances often come across as "Oh, good, the DM had to step in and save us because we were all going to die."
Unless they are well executed. Which is, to be fair, really a matter of taste.
As a player it feels....unfulfilling. I'm this cool hero with all these cool powers and I should be able to defeat my enemies and triumph...or I should die if I fight monsters too powerful for me. If Elminster shows up and kills the monsters for me, I feel quite a bit less heroic. I also feel less needed. After all, if Elminster showed up to save us, why isn't he just finishing the rest of the adventure for us as well? He can do it better than we can.
True, that's a dramatic conceit. A better way might be to have the opponent call of the fight if there is no reason to continue, or to introduce a third legitimate combatant that heard the first two fighting.
The same thing works as a player. If I've never played D&D before or I've played only a little bit, how am I to know how difficult a Beholder is(or even WHAT a beholder is)?
Skills. In 3e, there is a use for Sense Motive to do this, and it is largely the point of Knowledge skills as well. If your characters are clueless about the monsters you're fighting (never mind the players' metagame knowledge), then they should be in trouble. If they, conversely, are smart, they should be able to make better decisions and be more likely to survive.
Maybe the DM should provide input at this point...but what tells the DM who has never used a beholder before that it can't be taken out by 3rd level characters?
Its HD and special abilities. Assuming you have even a basic understanding of what all the numbers on its stat block mean, it should be pretty clear.
I'm not sure about that. Was it the DMs intention to put the players in a situation where they had to run away or use defensive tactics?
In some cases yes, in others not. The point is that the players have a lot of knowledge; they hear the attack rolls of the monter/NPC, they know what their save results are and whether they succeeded, they know how many hp they have left. If they ask, they likely have some ides of how many hp their opponents have. And that's on top of whatever foreknowledge they acquired in the game, and whatever knowledge their skills give them. It is largely the players' responsibility to decide what level of challenge they can handle and what tactics are most likely to ensure their survival.
Well, most Epic fantasy books and movies have...either no or VERY few losers. Only Boromir dies amongst the entirety of the Fellowship(unless we count Gandalf, which I don't).
They didn't fight 13.3 encounters per level either. If you're trying to model an epic fantasy book, the assumptions of the CR/EL system will fail you pretty badly.
The hobbits weren't attacked by all 9 nazgul in a cave that made it impossible to retreat at the beginning of the story. Because that would have ended the story in failure and wouldn't have been interesting to read/watch.
D&D characters are not usually commoners! And those hobbits were repeatedly faced with challenges that the CR/EL system would frown on, and survived anyway.
The DMs job is very similar to that of an author. Make the story interesting and don't kill off all the PCs. However, it's made even harder because you don't have absolute authority like an author. You have to rely on the dice, stats, and rules to decide part of the game. When those dice, stats, and rules say "Everyone dies", it can ruin a game.
Except, the stats never say that. You can always call of the fight. You can always overrule the results of the dice. Or you can play with them and see what happens. In any case, it is the DM's choice.
And yes, the DM does have authorial responsibility. To say that CRs are pointless is not to say that the DM shouldn't pick a level of challenge that is appropriate for his style of play. I'm merely saying that CRs are not helpful in doing that.