The "I'm Getting Out of the Game & Don't Realize I'll Come Back Again" Phenomena

Mercurius

Legend
You know what I'm talking about, right? Yet another long-time ttrpg gamer saying something to the effect of "I'm getting out of RPGs--too busy, career, kids, non-geeky girlfriend, being a Serious Adult, etc--and selling all of my stuff." There is often a variation of "Please convince me to return" or "I'm sad to go and don't really want to quit but am leaving anyway" or "The reason I say I'm getting out is X, but in actuality it is Y but I can't even really admit that to myself yet." I've even seen "I'm stopping gaming because it is dominating my life and/or ruining my marriage."

Let me be clear: I am not saying that there is anything wrong with this; I don't mean to speak about this in a pejorative sense, but I am a bit baffled by the commonality of this among gamers. I even have my own relatively mild version of it: in my 28ish years of being into RPGs I have had three or four periods of a few years in which I didn't play at all and only minimally followed the industry, bought a book or two a year, but generally not been an active gamer. I've had a few purges of gaming material, often eventually regretting what I sold with many items on my shelf being the 2nd or even 3rd copy I've owned.

But I've always come back. My most recent hiatus from active gaming was from about 2003/04 to 2008. I was in a regular 3E game and then moved away and got busy with other stuff. I still checked out the forums on occasion, bought a book or two for reading enjoyment, but didn't get really interested again until I caught whiff of 4E, and then after another move started a campaign in late 2008. At some point around that time I had a bit of an epiphany: I realized and admitted that I would always have, at the least, a life-long interest in RPGs. Previously I thought that I would eventually grow out of them, that one of my hiatuses would turn into true retirement. I knew that I would always be into fantasy and the imagination, but thought my sole outlet would be writing (which it still is, but not overwhelmingly so over RPGs). But I realized that I would always love D&D, always love RPGs, and perhaps even always play - or at least be interested in playing if the situation was right.

It was kind of a relief, really - and I have enjoyed the feeling that, as Ursula Le Guin put it so wonderfully, "the creative adult is the child who survived." My writing has a psychological, even "spiritual", element to it that gives it a kind of weight and importance in my life; RPGs are just fun - and are for no other reason than simply the joy and love of the game, of play.

So in a sense I had a reversal of the phenomena that I am talking about. Not "I am quitting the game" but "I am recommitting to and fully embracing my love of the game."

I am curious about the thoughts of EN Worlders on this: either the first "Quitting the Game, Kinda Sorta" phenomena, or the "Revelation of Life-long Gamerhood" phenomena. Do you relate with one or the other? Have you experienced either of them? Had friends or seen this on various forae?
 

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I've "quit" gaming several times, only to keep bouncing back. DM fatigue, usually - RPG's and the gaming group can wear on you sometimes. As has recent "real life" events like getting married and having kids (I ducked out of gaming entirely for about 2 years on the latter, for a while never thought I'd be able to come back to it).

I think a lot of the "So long, goodbye and thanks for the d20" blurbs we get are part of the "mourning" process; attempts by gamers to come with grips that they are somewhat unwillingly putting gaming aside for one reason or another. Some, I'm guessing, just need some time to step away from what is frustrating or angering and reflect on what's brought them to this point; they will likely return once they resolve their conflict. Others, they are truly frustrated and their final venting is a sort of suicide note to vent their rage and frustration before they move on.
 



I quit once when I graduated college and moved to Japan in 1991, but by 1993, I was back and running games online, and got a face to face going soon after.

I cannot imagine stopping again.
 

I am curious about the thoughts of EN Worlders on this: either the first "Quitting the Game, Kinda Sorta" phenomena, or the "Revelation of Life-long Gamerhood" phenomena. Do you relate with one or the other? Have you experienced either of them? Had friends or seen this on various forae?

No one ever quits because they want to unles something really bad is going on. If it is a money issue and the books will bring some in, then when things get better it will just mean buying them back later. Time issue, just means when more time is available you can pick back up later.

I am guessing the second has to do with a longing for something lost type of thing. Doesnt matter what that is, it happens.

I sold my books once, including the Cthullu Mythos version of Deities and Demigods, but bought most of them back later. Everyone quit playing and switched to a new type of game (CCG), so I joined them. turned aorund and traded the cards for most of my books back (Cthullu missing version of Deities and Demigods) so am keeping them this time. Just not concerned with the new fangled games coming out to dump good money after bad in that fashion anymore.

It wasn't a want to get rid of the books and stop playing the first time, but a switch in games that caused it. So I just stopped following the fads and returned home.
 

When I got married 24 years ago My wife and I had to write and sign contracts that my church made us.In the one for her I stipulated that I would be allowed to play twice a week and go to 3 conventions a year.
This has allowed me to keep up my weekly game that is soon going to enter its 30thYEAR! I only play once a week now and I almost never go to cons,but that is my choice(that and my work schedual and lack of money).In reicent days I have considered quiting or changing hobbies but the wieght of the near 30 years keeps me going,I realize I could be a much better DM but am held back by my mediocre players who are my best friends.This frustrates me like when the Batman pc engaged in an active discussion with the Superman pc about the relitive merits of strip clubs,Ah well...So to some degree I dumb it down and we laugh and still manage to have a good time.

I dont think Ill quit untill I am too old to roll dice(or more correctly too old to be able to understand the dice....)and I think Im stuck w/ my players,after all theyve been w/ me since the begining.
 

I deliberately didn't play for two years while I was finishing my undergraduate degree. But I missed gaming so much that I started again in grad school, and have never stopped since.

Gaming is a fundamental part of my outlook on life. It IS my creative outlet, since I've realized I'll never be a novelist.

I've met a few people who "left the game" and yeah, it is almost always with a sense of loss or departure at least. All of them would "like" to play again, except one woman I know, who will talk about games, remembers gaming fondly, but says she just isn't attracted to the idea of playing now.
 

I "stopped" upon graduating college...because I "was an adult".

I *sob* threw away my planescape box sets. OH MAN do I regret that.



And then I got back in. I realized that, for me, gaming had nothing to do with being an adult or not.


Now, my favorite, and most adult activity is moderately sophisticated gaming (as opposed to beer and pretzles, which is also fun) with a group of other adults. Contrast that with watching the same tv shows/sports I would watch in college, and I think I actually have a more adult passtime now than perhaps many other adults do.

By this I don't mean to belittle anything or puff up my current gaming. I just mean to say that some activities (worthwhile and fun ones) can be done equally well by children and adults. Others may require more worldliness, skill, maturity, and other qualities to master. Our groups gaming has some of these elements, and I never feel like a kid playing D&D.
 

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