The Right Way to Fail a Skill Challenge

Camelot

Adventurer
*Based on the events of an improvised 4e skill challenge*

"Where should we start?" Ghesh said to the rest of the group. They were walking down the street of the comfort district of Grutal, a city populated mostly by dwarves, built into the side of a cliff. "Maybe we should head to the slums at the bottom of the city and...interrogate some dwarves?" The dragonborn shouldered his war pick, nearly spiking Irving.

"Watch it!" Irving said, sparks flying from his golden eyes as he storm walked out of the way. "I add my Dex mod to every damage roll I make, so don't start a fight with me!"

"Guys, please!" Aramil said. His solid green eyes scanned the group, trying to get everyone's attention (it didn't entirely work, but he kept talking anyway). "Enough monkeying around! We have to figure out who wants Rangrim Thunderbeard dead and why! He told us from Melech's description of the dwarf who gave him the job that it might be Kranken, a suspected criminal overlord. We have to find out if this is true or not."

"Correct," Melech said when he heard his name, before which he had been trying to spear Ghesh with his horns. "He was short even for a dwarf, had a limp, and a dark black beard."

"Yeah, you already told us," Beiro injected. "I think we should scout out the marketplace for any suspicious activity; maybe we can find a thief working for that Kranky guy." He then transformed into a jaguar and began to head toward the market district.

"No, the slums!" Ghesh said again.

Aramil slapped Ghesh lightly. "Really, Ghesh, it's rude to call it that. The dwarves here refer to the poor area of the city 'The Bottom,' since it's at the base of the cliff."

"Whatever."

"How about we split up?" Irving suggested. "Those of us with good Perception and social skills will head to the market, while the ones who are tough and have good Intimidate will head to the slums."

"BOTTOM."

"Whatever."

"Sigh...sounds good to me," Aramil said, giving up. "I'm going to the marketplace. Come on, follow me."

***
The market district was bustling with activity that afternoon. Aramil, Irving, and Beiro nearly forgot what they had come to do when they saw the glittering goods being sold by the dwarven merchants. Irving spotted a booth selling healing potions, and tried to snag one for free. The dwarf sold his last potion just as Irving approached, however, so he rejoined the others to find Aramil rolling his eyes.

Beiro noticed a gruff looking dwarf standing outside an alley. The dwarf had a scar on his cheek, covered only by his stubbly red facial hair. "Clearly a miscreant," Beiro said to the rest of the group. "Let's pretend that we're looking to work for Kranky, and maybe he'll let us into their gang."

"Excellent idea," Aramil said, "but be sure not to call him Kranky. The dwarf's name was Kranken."

"Whatever."

They approached the gruff dwarf. Irving stepped forward first. "Good afternoon, kind dwarf," he said. "We were wondering if you knew of anyone by the name of Kranken. We're looking for a...job."

The dwarf glanced around to make sure no one was watching them. When he believed it to be safe, he motioned to the alley behind him. "Go down there. Medrash will help you."

Nodding, Irving motioned to the others to follow him into the dark alley.
***
Meanwhile, Ghesh and Malach had made their way down to the Bottom. The living conditions were horrible; a lot of the stone houses were caved in, trash and excrements were strewn all over the streets, and fires were lit in stone basins since the sun was blocked by the city above. Any normal person would have been moved with sadness at the sight. Ghesh and Malach could only stop laughing long enough to ask some dwarves sitting in the street if they knew anything about Kranken.

The two were finally directed to a dwarf who was missing his left eye and his right leg. They were told that he had used to work for Kranken, but when he disobeyed the crime boss's orders, he was kicked out of the gang. They took some of his body parts as payment.

Ghesh approached the dwarf and cracked his knuckles. "We heard you used to work for Kranken's crime syndicate. We'd appreciate it if you would tell us everything you know."

The dwarf snorted. "Yeah, I did. But I ain't telling you nothing, 'specially if you're planning on helping that no good pyrite! I never want to think of him or his gang again."

Ghesh glared at the dwarf and cracked his knuckles again. A small burst of flame sprouted from his nostrils and he fingered his pick. "Let me rephrase that. Tell us everything you know, or we might have to...do something to you."

The dwarf furrowed his brow. "Do something? Do what?"

"You know," Malach piped up, "something unpleasant."

"You mean...like keep talking to me?"

"No!" Ghesh said in a huff. "I mean, like killing you!"

"Well, why didn't you just say so?" the dwarf said. "This is the slums, we're not exactly strangers to that sort of thing! Plus we're not very good at understanding implications."

While Ghesh huffed about the word slums, Malach continued to interrogate the dwarf. "See, I was given a pouch of money by this dwarf who told me to kill a politician. We're trying to figure out if this was Kranken or not. We heard you once worked for Kranken. Can you tell us if this bag would have been used by Kranken?"

Malach took out the bag and handed it to the dwarf, who took one look and scowled. "Yup," he said, "that's one of Kranken's. See that writing? He has a bunch of stuff with that sort of writing on it."

"Hey, that's Draconic," Ghesh said.

"Really? Well shoot. Well, I guess I'll tell you the rest. There's a house down here that Kranken uses as meeting house of some sorts. It's got more of that writing on the wall so you'll know which one it is."

"Thanks," Ghesh grumbled, then to Malach said, "Come on, let's find this house and get inside."
***
A large figure stepped out of the shadows in the alley. It was a dragonborn with violet scales and eerie yellow eyes.

"You must be Medrash," Aramil said. Irving tried to tell her to stop talking, since he was the better negotiator (and liar), but Aramil didn't listen and kept talking. "We were told that you could help us. You see, we're looking to cash in on the bounty on Rangrim Thunderbeard, and after the late failed assassination attempt-"

"Bounty?" Medrash interrupted, eyeing the adventurers. "There's no bounty."

The four stood in stunned silence for a few seconds. Suddenly Irving drew his dagger, jumped at Aramil, winked so that Medrash couldn't see, and pretended to stab him in the gut. Aramil, not knowing what else to do, went along with it and fell face down on the ground.

"What is going on here?" Medrash said, very confused but ready to start fighting.

"My apologies," Irving said. "We had been suspecting for some time that he was a spy for Thunderbeard, and that was proof. But seriously, we're looking for a well paying but less than legal job and we were wondering if you, on behalf of Kranken, could help us out."

"I can," Medrash said. "And it does indeed concern Thunderbeard. You might have heard that he was almost assassinated. Well, it turns out that the assassin we hired has now been hired by Thunderbeard to get back at Kranken. We need someone to take care of him and his cohorts before we move on to Thunderbeard himself."

"Uh..." Irving knew full well that he was one of the "cohorts" Medrash was referring to. But he said anyway, "We'll do it. What can you tell us about this assassin?"

"He's a tiefling, easy to spot in this city. Our latest information tells me that he was headed to the Bottom with a red dragonborn. We have scouts tailing them right now, but they're not trained to fight, only to inform."

"Well, we'll go kill him right now."

"Right now? My, you are ambitious. A less eager assassin would stalk his prey before blindly engaging him in a fight."

"I'm not like your average assassin; I'm chaotic neutral."

Beiro piped up. "Could you let us use your informants? It would be nice to not have to gather information by ourselves."

Medrash chuckled. "Not on your life. I don't trust you just yet to tell you our codes and passwords. Do the job yourself, and then we'll see about hiring you for a real job. Now...about this body..." he added, nudging Aramil's limp form.

"Oh, uh, don't worry about that," Irving said. "We'll put him...I mean, it, someplace where no one will worry about it."

"You're heading back into the streets right now. You can't carry a body around with you. I'll take care of it the way we often take care of these things."

"How's that?" Irving asked.

Medrash motioned to the cliff behind him, grinning wickedly.
***
"This is it," Malach said.

The house looked like any other, but maybe a bit more well kept. There were no holes in it, and three Draconic letters were etched nonchalantly into the side.

"What does it say?" Malach asked Ghesh.

"Simply, here," Ghesh answered.

"Oh. That's less than dramatic, don't you think?"

"I don't see any guards. What's stopping us from walking right in?"

"Take a second look." Malach nodded his head towards a dwarf sitting near the house. The dwarf was dressed in rags and had a hood over his head, but was scanning the streets and fingering a lump on his back that was shaped oddly like a warhammer. "That's the guard...or at least, one of them. Distract him and I'll be able to sneak into the house; there's no way that door is locked, it's so poorly made."

Ghesh walked up to the dwarf. "You there," he said. "You work for Kranken, don't you?"

The dwarf squinted suspiciously. "Who's asking?"

"I am. We're hired hands for him, and we want to get into this here house. Don't bother pretending, we know what it is."

The dwarf scoffed. "Say I did work for this Kranken guy, and say I was guarding this house. Why would I let you in if you didn't tell me the password?"

Ghesh tried to think of a clever retort, but decided it was better to simply walk away. Malach was nowhere to be seen.
***
Irving and Beiro headed down to the Bottom as quickly as they could.

"This isn't going as well as I thought it would," Irving said. "Aramil is basically kidnapped if not soon to be killed, and our other two companions are being stalked by evil informants as we speak."

Beiro transformed into a jaguar again.

They finally reached the bottom to see Ghesh hiding behind a building. Ghesh told them what they had discovered and were Malach was right now. Irving and Beiro decided to pull a fast one on the guard.

"Excuse me!" Irving said to the dwarf. The poor guy looked up again, wondering if his day could get any more unusual. He quickly realized it could. Irving had fashioned a leash out of his rope and had Beiro in jaguar form tied to the end of it. "I'm here to deliver to a Sir Kranken his rare exotic jaguar."

"What do you think I have to do with Kranken?" the dwarf said suspiciously.

"PLEASE," Irving said, rolling his eyes and waving his hand. "We are paid to know these things. Now, could you please let me in so I can deliver this rare exotic jaguar to Kranken?"

"Kranken is not expecting any rare exotic jaguars to be delivered."

"How do you know? You're just a lowly guard. Kranken doesn't tell you everything."

"He tells me everything I need to know, and I definitely need to know who's allowed in and who's allowed out. And you are not allowed in."

"But maybe he just didn't tell you...?"

"Leave now."

Beiro turned into a python.

"Did I mention that it's a rare exotic jaguar that can transform into a python?" Irving tried. The dwarf simply glared.
***
Malach looked around. It looked like a normal slum house. Barely any food in the cupboards, a few uncomfortable chairs around a small table, but nothing indicating that it was a hideout for a crime syndicate. He moved his hand along all the walls, double checked the floors, and even tried the ceiling, but there were no secret doors either.

Malach sat on the ground behind a stone chair and waited until something happened.
***
What have I gotten myself into now? Aramil thought. He was being carried over the shoulder of Medrash to the edge of the cliff. The market district was the fourth layer up from the bottom of the cliff, and it was a long way down.

Medrash reached the cliff ledge, where a barrier of stone had been left so that no one accidentally fell off. It was behind a layer of stone houses anyway, so no one ever came this way. Directly below was a rocky outcropping that wasn't part of the city. Aramil could make out bones and bloodstains on it.

Okay, I have two options, Aramil thought. My teleportation ability will be crucial in helping me out of this conundrum. I could teleport now, before he throws me off, confuse the heck out of him, and book it. Or, I could teleport after he throws me off so that he thinks I'm dead, provided he doesn't watch me fall. And then, I run.

No, I can't run. I must never run again, not since...I've got it. When he tries to throw me over, I'll grab hold of him so he comes tumbling with me, and then I'll teleport back to safety and he'll be the one to fall to his death! Oh, the poetic irony! That way I won't have to run, and although it's a little less honorable than I like to be, it will ensure my survival. Here we go.

Medrash chuckled to himself and heaved Aramil forward. Just then, he sprang to life and grabbed on to Medrash. Unfortunately, the thin eladrin warlord didn't have quite the weight or momentum to pull the lumbering dragonborn thug with him, and Aramil merely plopped down at Medrash's feet.

"WHAT?" Medrash roared. "YOU SCUM!"

Medrash took a giant spiked club from his back and began to swing at Aramil. Once again, instead of running, Aramil decided to fight. He dodged the attack and shifted himself to get Medrash in between himself and the cliff. He then slammed into Medrash will all his might.

Medrash grunted and didn't budge.

Aramil tried to dodge Medrash's next attack, but the blunt part of the club hit him right on his unhelmeted head. Everything went black.
***
"Look, now it's a polar bear!" Irving said.

"I DON'T CARE, you're not getting in!" the dwarf yelled. Suddenly, a new voice was heard. It was coming from underneath the dwarf's cloak. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a rock with strange carvings on it. Irving immediately recognized it as a sending stone, a magic item that allowed two people to talk to each other from great distances.

The voice coming from the stone was Medrash's.

"-bloody spies!" he was saying. "Answer, you dumb-"

"I'm here!" the dwarf said.

Medrash continued, "We've been found out! Thunderbeard hired a group of adventurers to find Kranken!"

The dwarf looked up at the half-elf and the polar bear in front of him. "What do they look like?" he asked the stone.

"There's an eladrin who I just knocked out, an elf, and a half-elf!"

The dwarf's eyes went to Irving. "What does the half-elf look like?"

"Blonde hair, freaky golden eyes, probably magical."

Irving drew his dagger and started casting spells like crazy. Beiro morphed from polar bear to elf to jaguar, all while scratching and blasting. The dwarf drew his hammer and shouted. Ghesh, watching this unfold, leapt from his hiding spot to charge the dwarf. Two more dwarves nearby pulled off their rags to reveal that they too were working for Kemreg, and had weapons. One interrupted Ghesh with a warhammer to the face. The other shot Irving in the side with a crossbow bolt. Hearing the noise, Malach burst out of the house, which confused the dwarves even more, and began hacking and slashing at them. The battle was short but brutal, and the adventurers came out on top. Two dwarves dead, one unconscious.

When the dwarf came to and found that he had been stripped of his possessions, he immediately told the adventurers all that he could. He handed them a medallion that opened a secret door in the house that would lead to a dungeon where the real business was conducted.

"This isn't good," Irving said.

"What do you mean?" Malach said, "We found what we wanted."

"Yeah, but they know who we are now, and Aramil has been kidnapped!"

"Only one thing to do, then," Beiro said. "We've got to go into this dungeon and kill everything in it."​
 

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