The Rules of Character Engagement

[Fenmarel]

557 No matter how long a character has been doing something ie bowyer/fletcher, weapon smithing, armor smithing, architecture, painting, dancing the fifteen year old character that just walked up will be able to outshine that character. Experience counts for didly squat.

558 If you come up with an idea that isn't being done and implement that idea such as a tattoo artist, gem cutter, scholar or sage the next thing you know there will be many other characters that suddenly have always taken an interest in that trade and are masters in said trade.

559 Coming up with your own description or having a friend help you with that description should not be done, you should come to the site, look at all the descriptions then copy the one you like change it a slight amount and use it yourself.

560 If a male and female character get into an argument the world will end if it turns out the male character just might have been right.

561 If a male and female character get into an argument and the male is wrong, tries to take responsibility for being wrong, the female character will either accept the apology blindly or will try to put the blame on herself.......and vice versa.

562 No matter what a player or group of players think, a male is going to play a male character more realistically and a female is going to play a female character more realistically.

563 If you play a character over fifth level you are a powergamer and a snert *rolls eyes*

564 Evil outsiders, races that harbor VAST numbers of evil members are to be trusted explicitly when one approaches

565 If a member of said race harms your character after your character has befriended them or even taken them as a lover the player of said evil character isn't playing his character right

566 to go along with 565 if a member of said race harms your character after your character has befriended them or taken them as a lover your character is automatically supposed to receive sympathy and pity for what was done to them.

567 If you don't give sympathy or pity to said character you are a heartless bastard, getting what someone deserves is a foreign concept to most, you get all buddy buddy with devils, demons and vamps you are going to get burnt

568 No matter how much is spoken of devils, demons and undead there will always be those that will say "I refuse to judge someone by what others think or by the actions of those similiar to them"

569 A vampire turned vampire at a very young age and lives for eons can be cured with a simple remove curse or disease spell, no the affliction hasn't gotten any stronger than it was at first

570 A were creature born that way can be changed into a human or what ever with a simple spell like above, the fact that they were BORN that way and it is a NATURAL thing to them is insignificant.

571 If you say something to correct another's actions in the crt like there being no rafters you are a rules lawyer. The fact that it is written for all to see those rules doesn't matter one bit.

 

[Andion Isurand]

572. Everyone can be redeemed, no matter how vile.
Well, it is the fasion and such a thing can occur much faster than a forementioned ISRP pregnency.

573. Drow should always discuss intrigues so everyone can hear.

574. A question from the peanut gallery.
"Who sells the vampires all those sunlight, holy water, holy magic, planar magic, silver, garlic and Juxta vaccinations? He or she must be stopped.... "

 

[Tharivious_Meliamne]

575. Common sense is only a rule to 50% of the populace. The rest are free of these boundaries and will gladly show you how to walk on a ceiling without using magic of any kind. Breathe without air? Hah!

Here are a few of my characters' personal experiences:

576. When a character finds out that his wife is missing and someone is bragging about kidnapping her, he won't be angry or upset. He'll rationally sit down and listen to how the braggart was joking around about it all along. And besides, what could that assassin who can walk through shadows do about it to begin with?*

576 b. If said assassin happens to get angry about such bragging, don't be surprised when he makes sure that everyone in the room is aware of it. Oh, and whatever happens, be sure to challenge him to a fight to the death while you're at it. Trained killers hate any situation where they might have to kill something.

576 c. Don't forget to insult an assassin, that always helps matters when you've already got him ticked off enough to kill and are trying to talk your way out of a fight. Go ahead, call him a fool or a peon, it's not like he'll stab you or anything.

577. When someone learns that their child/adopted child is hurt/killed/missing, and they have little reaction to the news, it's not a sign that they don't care. It's a sign that they're making a plan to destroy whatever poor sod is responsible for it in the most painful way possible.

578. When involved in a tug of war with something the size of a Buick, having a lot of upper body strength can make all the difference. Unfortunately when that difference is made when your upper body is separated from the lower....

579. When a self-destruct item is built into a constructed being, there's no chance that that 100 ft radius blast will catch you when you only got away from it four seconds ago. Sure, the back of your coat might get a little sooty, but....

580. Beware the stitched together lizardman who has been hitting the trollsayer all night. He's on a full tank and likely in a foul mood.... Wait, he's always in a foul mood. Just beware the lizard to be on the safe side....

581. Nevermind that the little fuzzy blue thing is awkward, falls over, and does backflips for no apparent reason. Nevermind that it talks funny and has no magical ability of any real merit. That little blue thing is dangerous. If you're weaker than a normal house fly.

 

[Kathryn_aka_Kat]

A few more,

582. Women who cry are being manipulative. Men who cry are being wusses. Children who cry are being brats. Dragons or demons or whatevers who cry are showing their sensitive inner natures and should immediately be fussed over.

583. Nobody ever believes the person who walks up to them and says "I am going to kill you." And rightly so.

584. No matter how tense and large-scale the confrontation in the tavern, or how much fighting is actually underway, some character who ought be sitting in the middle of it will complain about being bored.

585. The point of magic is to be able to do whatever you want, whenever you want, to whoever you want. Otherwise you must be a pretty poor mage.

586. Combat must escalate. While this has valid storytelling reasons, it sometimes seems odd that the mega-gigantic-can't-be-blocked death spell only gets used after 3 hours of boring lower level combat.

But:

586a. Using your mega-gigantic-can't-be-blocked death spell at the beginning of a combat is god-moding.

And:

586b. Coming out with the mega-gigantic-can't-be-blocked death spell after 3 hours of combat means you never really had it and just made it up now to keep my obviously better char from killing you.

 

[Andion Isurand]

587. Spell absorbing, turning (or reflecting) items.
Always absorb or turn every spell and bit of magic, at an infinite range and without concerns regarding whether or not such effects actually target the item's owner specifically. In the mean time, the owner of this item can cast his or her own spells with no disruptions.

In reducing this to its simplist form, a character using such an item could just as well have said: "All of my spells work normally, all of yours are now mine (or turned/reflected against you)"

"His pants and gaunlets are black. His gaunlets have the ability to reflect all types of magics except curing back onto its caster if he chooses to block it. His Black Boots increase his speed and agility during battle. He carries the Legendary Knight Sword, Excaliber. As well as the Legendary Katana, Masamune. On his belt he carries the wizard staff, Mace of Zues, to increase his magic abilites."
( a very possible example... especially with what follows )

588. Oh, but look here Rule 587...
I have an item that modifies the spells I cast, making them anti-absorbant and unturnable. (and unreflectable)

589. ISRP conflicts are actually battles of words, not characters.

For example...

Kid_one draws a monster on a white board.
Kid_two draws a bigger monster, about to eat the first monster.
Kid_one draws a machine gun in the first monster's hands.
Kid_two draws an armor-plated tounge from his monster's mouth to deflect the shots.
Kid_one explains that his first monster is actually an afterimage of where the thing used to be. It moved so fast, that the monster is now riding in a giant mech robot on the far end of the board.
Kid_two's monster then detonates the bomb it placed on the mech beforehand, flipping the switch of a remote in its hand.

etc. etc. etc.

 

[Ladyshade]

:heehee

 

[Arathil]

590

590a: In a FFRP combat, everybody is invulnerable until somebody gets hurt.

590b: At that point, the focus of the posing shifts to the latter, and everything hits with exaggerated effect, until somebody dodges.

591a: Anyone who claims to be a vampire, a drow, a lich, a demon, a dragon (unpolymorphed), a telepathic fire-breathing kitten, a combination of all of the preceding, etc... is telling the absolute and utter truth. In a world where illusion and trickery magic abound, the thought that some of these beings might in fact be fakes is considered far more ridiculous than the simple acceptance of a demonic drow-vampire monk sitting down and smirking at everybody in the middle of a surface roadside tavern fairly close to the most prominent city in the known continent.

592b: Moreso, such characters are valid basis for IC opinions regarding the beings they are meant to portray. An Orc acting appropriately for an Orc of the setting in question cannot possibly be a real Orc, because the fire-breathing god-born Orc from the world that nobody else has ever heard of, and which has never, ever been mentioned in any gaming or novel literature as having any connection to the setting wherein the gaming is taking place, doesn't act that way... and they got there first.

593: Despite the presence of innately alignment-oriented races (i.e. Drow), specific alignment tendencies as a requirement for certain professions, magical spells and effects which target... directly effect... change... or otherwise depend upon, alignment, acts which are definitively related to one alignment or another and cannot be used in the name of a different alignment, the existence of entire planes of energy which embody the alignments and can be drawn upon, sourced, and conjured in the material world, and flat-out statements by the game's designers that alignment in default D&D is objective, not relative, and that good and evil are distinct and palpable forces... good and evil are still relative.

 

[Arathil]

Ahem...

If you'll excuse the run-on nature of my previous post, heh...

594: The person who makes snide comments about the intellectual level, level of inebriation, etc. that is generally present in the Crossroads Tavern at any given time, invariably (a) spelz funettikully, (b) has such a poor grasp of grammar that they must be asked to repeat their statements several times before they may be understood... and not just out of snide sarcasm... and, (c) has no clue about either 'a' or 'b,' honestly believing themselves to be communicating just fine.

 

[Dontella]

595- If there is combat taking place, and yes one character will allow you to aid them, the other charcter involved will promptly ignore any actions you take, while being immune to any and all effects produced around them.. Not to worry though, the All Immune person who's Ignoring everything is by far and away the better gamer.. oh yes..

 

[Corwyn Burlisk]

Wow I've been gone a looong time and still very little seems to change. Just to be outside the box I'm going to think like a decent (huh, yeah right) newbie/powergamer for a few seconds. Oh well, a method to our maddness it seems.

596-there are no quests, there are hundreds of people willing to discuss ninety pages of character history/philosophy but few times if ever is anything actually done. If under some freak of creativity a group of characters actually does something you can be sure it has little or no affect on your character, as your ignored anyway. Besides the topic was under such a potential quest is immeadiately derailed by some moron without the creative skill to run and entertain his/her own thread/story.

597-empathy doesn't exisist, the first time an opponet misses you, you are an instant metagamer unless you cleverly disguise the miss in a slight amount of damage. If not you can be sure to be shunned eternally, because few have the common decency to tell you the error of your ways.