The Shame of Role-Playing

[Metus]

I've been playing RPGs for years now, and I've played quite a few. Shadowrun, D&D, Spycraft and such. I've probably spent thousands of dollars in total on all of them and do like to keep up with all the latest products. However, I have a secret I've kept from my players, that being I'm too ashamed to role-play in-person. I'm currently running an FR campaign, yet I'm doing so through OpenRPG. I justify this because one of my players lives in a different state. However, just recently he decided to move here and become my roommate. When everyone was thrilled about actually running it in-person, I vehemently disagreed, and said I would never DM a game if it wasn't online.

It seems ridiculous even to me, but the final straw was seeing the recent GenCon excursion and all the fun people had. I'd prefer to get to go to GenCon one day and not just sit in the corner and watch others because I'm too ashamed to join in. What I boggle at is how people from all walks of life, both young and old, have no problems role-playing. Even the most shy and reclusive people I've seen have no problems with it. I cannot understand how people can play certain characters and not feel stupid or foolish. One reason I've heard is that it's in the company of friends. Well that doesn't hold at GenCon, and I'd prefer not to make a fool of myself even if it is in front of my friends. Yet I seem to be the only person I've known in my entire life who really has a problem with this.

Don't get me wrong, I think in-person gaming is defintely superior to online. It's such a hassle online, and the only reason I know of why people play online is because they can't find a group to play with in their current location. There are <i>tons</i> of people here who want to join in on a game, but everytime I mention it's online they lose all interest. I feel like I'm cheating myself and my players. Plus, I think of story hours I've enjoyed like Sep's, Sagiro's, or Wulf's, and I want to have that much fun too, but then it comes down to how I feel like a complete moron.

So my question is this: How can you not feel like a complete and utter fool when role-playing? I respect and envy people who can do so without any problems, which seems to be everyone except myself, and which makes it even worse. I mean, you have to admit that sometimes it can be a little far-fetched or ridiculous, so how can you possibly keep a straight face through that? When I think of running a serious storyline like in some of the story hours, I can't imagine running it anywhere except online. I really, <i>really</i> want to be able to do this, to play the game like it's supposed to be played, but the shame is almost overwhelming. Does anyone have any good advice?

 

[Emiricol]

I'd say go with what you are comfortable with. I can't say I know what you are feeling, but I can say that if you aren't enjoying yourself then it isn't worth it, and if you only enjoy it online, then that's how you should play it.

Sorry I can't offer anything helpful

 

[hellbender]

For my group, we approach role-playing as sitting around and telling a story together. No shame or embarassment as far as I have ever seen. I have introduced a lot of people to rpgs, and nobody thusfar has ever expressed to me any shame from participating in a game. This may not work for everyone, but I encourage you to give it a try. I also agree that you should play an rpg in the way that makes you feel the most comfortable. Post an add locally and give it a go! What have you got to lose?

hellbender

 

[Darrin Drader]

I don't feel foolish, but then I almost never do the goofy Scottish accent or make stirring speeches in-character.

As stupid as it sounds, you might be able to loosen up a bit by doing a simple hack'n slash dungeon delve. Then, once you feel more comfortable with taking on a role, try something a little more challenging, like a more story oriented game, or even DMing.

 

[ColonelHardisson]

One reason I've heard is that it's in the company of friends. Well that doesn't hold at GenCon, and I'd prefer not to make a fool of myself even if it is in front of my friends.

Well, at cons, everyone is there for the same reason; they know how the game works and expect others to roleplay.

I'd second Baraendur's advice; try running a dungeoncrawl first. Don't worry much about the roleplay aspects, because they'll grow out of the adventure.

Try not to worry about making a fool of yourself. That's actually a big part of having fun. As was said above, everyone else in the gaming group is there for the same thing. Plus, everyone is also going to be there for recreation. That's an important point, because it means most everyone is going to be relaxed. Nobody is going to be scrutinizing everything and criticizing and ridiculing people for getting into character or using flowery language or whatnot. Well, maybe some would, but they'd be the ones ostracized - I know I'd apply the boot vigorously to them at my table Anyway, gaming has helped me learn how to laugh at myself, which is always a good ability to have. I think being a DM is perhaps the quickest way to learn that ability.

My advice, in a nutshell: be prepared, relax, and roleplay as much or as little as you want. If you're a DM, being prepared is probably the best way to ensure you're relaxed, which in turn ensures you'll get into the game as smoothly as possible.

 

[ThoughtBubble]

Baraendur has a good point. Focusing completely on the mechanics for a while does help out immensely.

I was into drama and plays for a long while, so I had to deal with performance anxiety. Eventually, I just built up the ability to get into character. I use that all the time during games.

I also set out goals. Having a specific thing to do within the campaign helps out a great deal.

If I'm with a good group, I know that this game is an escape. The real world and all its petty restrictions and conventions begin to melt away.

The final thing I can think of is to do something that will make you look foolish from the start. Why? It'll be over with. Maybe even make a point to do it often, play someone silly. Is it foolish if it's what you meant to do?

Could it be a bigger issue than just feeling foolish while RPing? I know that for a very long time, I hated looking stupid at all, and would avoid doing anything where I thought someone would laugh at me. RPing with anyone I didn't completely trust would have crushed me then. That was also when I did my gaming online. Could your expierences be similar?

 

[boxstop7]

Well, I don't really feel like getting all psychological right now, but...

I'd say that your feelings could be the result of any one or a combination of things. First, I'd say that it revolves around some insecurity. I'd venture a guess (GUESS, mind you. I'm NOT a professional here), that you've got issues with public embarrassment in general. This could be a symptom of a larger issue for you; one called social anxiety disorder. But as I said before, I am NOT a professional.

I also take from your post that you've never acted, or really performed in front of others in any capacity. To me (and to my group), getting together and playing a role-playing game is a social thing. I know some groups and individuals really enjoy total immersion, but role-playing need not require a performance that would make Shakespeare himself weep. My primary group is really low-key. They have characters, I run the game, and there's a lot of social chatter in between combats. Others make it a full performance. This certainly isn't a requisite for enjoying the experience.

I'd also venture a guess that you're "hiding a secret" by only running games online. Let's face it: the world at large doesn't have the greatest opinion of RPGs. If it did, we wouldn't see posts titled "here we go again" (or something of the like) every time D&D gets mentioned in the same sentence as a crime. Perhaps you fear that by actually gaming in person, your "secret" could leak and others outside your group would be able to put a face to your name and reputation as a "gamer". Gaming online provides you with the security of total anonymity in this respect.

Again, I reiterate: I am NOT a professional psychologist. But it seems to me that you're a generally shy kind of person, and just aren't comfortable with stepping outside your own personality in front of others. Remember that with RPGs, everyone else is pretending too. You're not the only one in the room playing make-believe. Is it silly? Perhaps. Is it fun? Absolutely! Why worry about what others think? Your friends already game, and are interested in a tabletop game, so why worry about stigma? What can friends do together, if not cut loose and have fun? Some friends go drinking. Some friends watch movies. And some friends play role-playing games.

I don't really care what others think about me. So for me, making an arse out of myself isn't that big of a deal. Some people are very conscious of how others view them. Perhaps this better describes you? I can't answer that.

You asked "how can you possibly keep a straight face?" You don't! That's absolutely what makes it fun!!! It's FANTASY, man. Suspend your disbelief. Can you cast spells that launch fireballs from your fingertips? Do you see dragons, demons and trolls out and about every day? Or armor-clad heroes dashing across the countryside saving the day? Of course not. Suspension of disbelief, man. It's all make-believe. It's not supposed to be real. The fact that it's sometimes "far-fetched" is what makes it fantasy in the first place. So you probably don't want to dive right in to a module or adventure that relies heavily on role-playing and verbal finesse. Baraendur's suggestion of a hack-n-slash might be just what the doctor ordered. Light on the real hardcore role-playing, heavy on the 'seek and destroy' mentality.

I hope this has helped in some capacity. You seem almost uptight that you have difficulty just "letting go". Relax. It's certainly nothing to stress over. If you find that you're simply not comfortable playing RPGs in the presence of others, follow the advice offered by hellbender and Emiricol: play in whatever capacity you're comfortable with, and don't stress over what you may or may not be "missing".

~Box

 

[ColonelHardisson]

I mean, you have to admit that sometimes it can be a little far-fetched or ridiculous, so how can you possibly keep a straight face through that? When I think of running a serious storyline like in some of the story hours, I can't imagine running it anywhere except online. I really, <i>really</i> want to be able to do this, to play the game like it's supposed to be played, but the shame is almost overwhelming. Does anyone have any good advice?

Due to the late hour, I forgot to address this point. I don't know how often (or if) you've gamed face-to-face, but in my experience even the most serious campaign storyline doesn't preclude a lot of humor in and out of game. I just played in a very dark and ultimately pessimistic Call of Cthulhu d20 campaign that lasted 8 months. Most of the PCs ended up insane or dead, with one of them (mine) suffering a rather hideous sort-of undeath that will last for millions of agonizing years. There was a lot of humor in that game. Good groups - groups who are eager to play - know how to switch gears between dour goings-on in-game and horsing around out-of-game rather easily and quickly.

Y'know, you could always use HackMaster's "Smartass Smackdown" table to bring the players in line...such a wonderful tool!

 

[ColonelHardisson]

You asked "how can you possibly keep a straight face?" You don't! That's absolutely what makes it fun!!!

Well, durn. You just said what I tried to, but better, and with much fewer words.

 

[boxstop7]

Well, durn. You just said what I tried to, but better, and with much fewer words.

Well, I thank you kind sir. I only hope it has meaning for our distressed friend.

~Box