Things that should not be said

[Mark Chance]

Ages ago when I actually got to play. Conversation went something like this:

King: We've recruited you heroes to undertake a quest for the good of the realm.

Me (Playing Dwarf Fighter/Thief): What's the pay?

King (irritated): Surely heroes of your mettle are not so crass as to demand monies for doing what is just and noble?

Me: Kiss my what?

King (angry): We beg your pardon?

Me: Sorry. Kiss my what...Your Majesty.

 

[Storminator]

*Yawn* (The sound of a monk with great saves and (improved?) evasion being hit by a 'very nasty' lightning bolt.)

We have a new sorcerer in our group, and we got this:

Sor: "Sorry guys, I know you're in melee with him, but I have to Cone of Cold!"

Rogue: "Whatever, just do it."

Half-Celestial: "I'm immune."

Dex Fighter w/Ring of Evasion: "Bring it on!"

Monk: "Empower that sucker!"

Quite an education for the new sorcerer!

PS

 

[jgbrowning]

DM: "You feel strangely attracted to the Rast"


joe b.

 

[Rel]

*Yawn* (The sound of a monk with great saves and (improved?) evasion being hit by a 'very nasty' lightning bolt.)

Not your fault in any way for misinterpreting, but this was not a D&D game and the Lightning Bolt was a "non-trivial" event for the monk in question. Non-trivial enough to leave him unconscious (and smoking) on the ground. His life was spared by the fact that the Wizard fled, fearing that the rest of the party might catch up at any moment.

After the event had passed, the rest of the group looked askance at the player of the monk. "We've got your wife??"

Him: "It was all I could think of at the moment!"

Us: "That's why you got Lightning Bolted!"


Maybe you just had to be there.

 

[Grundle]

Mischievous rogue to the gullible paladin about to accept the surrender of a goblin, "Look out! He's got his hands in the air. He's casting a spell on you - Kill him!"

Player of the half-orc fighter who was apparently roleplaying the intelligence stat of her character, "I can't do any damage! This #@%! d10 has been rolling zeroes all night long!"

The dragon exhumed the body of the greedy wizard's father and dropped it from the sky at the wizard's feet. Detecting a "magical" ring on his poor father's corpse, the wizard rips off the skeletal finger, pokes the desicated digit out of the ring and places it on his own hand without even a pretense of grief. Of course the ring was CURSED!

 

[ForceUser]

We have a new sorcerer in our group, and we got this:

Sor: "Sorry guys, I know you're in melee with him, but I have to Cone of Cold!"

Rogue: "Whatever, just do it."

Half-Celestial: "I'm immune."

Dex Fighter w/Ring of Evasion: "Bring it on!"

Monk: "Empower that sucker!"

Quite an education for the new sorcerer!

PS

Hilarious! Our sorcerer can't do that; our entire party has horrid Reflex saves

 

[Scarbonac]

These are more along the lines of ''Famous Last Words'' (from an old thread at another message-board...oddly enough, it's not an RPG board), but close enough, nonetheless:


(1e-2e character): ''My AC's so low even a God couldn't hit me!''



"What do you mean 'The wizard hits your leg with a Staff Of Whithering' when I kick in the door?"


"So what if he's the King? I run him through!"


"That's Orcus and Asmodeus! We might go up a couple of levels when we kill them!"



"Conan?!? Yeah, RIGHT."



"The sign reads 'Welcome to Sunny Mordor'..."


"Watch me give this hobbit a hard time."


"A Mind Flayer?!? COOL, I get to use my psionic attacks!"


"I'll take the two Nycadaemons on the right, you take the ones on the left."



"I pull the lever."



"Oh, it's just some chick in a chainmail bikini."


"I'm bored; when's something INTERESTING going to happen?"



"I drink the bottle marked POISON on the off-chance that it's the extra-healing potion."

"I kill it."


"No problem."


"Let me handle this."


"Whaddya mean, a pentagram only has FIVE sides?"

"What a useless scroll. It just says, HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR over and over again..."

"I though YOU brought the food!"


"Why is your torch flame turning blue?"



Oh, there are more, but this one's my fave:


"They're only kobolds!"

 

[takyris]

(sigh)

Me, the DM: It stands before you, the legendary Rod of the Dragon King. Any who hold it may command its power, rendering the wielder immune to all melee damage for a period of one hour. But just as well-known is the fact that no one but a dragon may touch the rod, else they be struck dead by powerful death magic. (a-ha, thinks the DM. Only the half-dragon sorcerer can use it!)

Sorcerer: Well...

Undead Rogue: Death magic, you say? Ha! I pick it up.

Me: But, um...

Bard with max'd out UMD: Hey, pass it over. I'm going to emulate race:dragon... hey, good roll, I'm set. Sorcerer, you want it?

Sorcerer: Nah, looks like you guys have it handled.

DM: Darn... plot... breaking... abilities...