As is well-known and cannot be reasonably disputed, the Bard Class started as an error. Do you know how old mapmakers would put fake towns in their atlases to make sure that no one was copying them? And that Van Halen invented the infamous "M&M" rider to put into their venue contracts to ensure that people read the entire contract- because it had a lot of technical details about the sound system and wiring that promoters kept screwing up, and this was the way that Van Halen knew that the contract had been read in full?
Well, Gygax did the exact same thing with the 1e PHB. He realized that lesser people with lesser verbiage would edit him on occasion. So Gygax deliberately put in a "joke class," the Bard, in the appendix. I mean, c'mon! You know it's a joke! It's not like any of the other classes, and you can't even start as a Bard. It doesn't make any sense within the rules and if you look at it for more than a half a second, you realize it can't work. Gygax put it in there to make sure that other people were paying attention- it was his way to ensure quality control.
But then it got published. Ugh. That's right ... worse than any Mountebank, we have the Bard. A class that quite literally is an anagram for "drab." And Brad, because Brad? Yeah, that guy always wants to play Bards, because of course he does. "Yeah, Brad, we get it. Freddie Mercury, the really fast Bard. Yes, you are so clever Brad. No one before has thought of that."
And so it goes. Poo-tee-weet. What is the modern Bard, anyway, other than a grab-bag of abilities, designed to annoy other players? "Look, my cantrip is insulting people! Time to dust off the yo mama jokes."
Of course you will find Bard defenders; the person who avows, "No, really, my Bard is cool! He's the Sally Field of Bards, you'll like him, you'll really really like him!"
Don't believe that for a second.
Bards represent that dark, venal and incurably violent side of D&D players that almost every other TTRPG has learned to fear and despise. Bards are D&D's answer to the monstrous Mr. Hyde. The Bard speaks for the werewolf in us; the bully, the predatory shyster who turns into something unspeakable, full of claws and bleeding string-warts on nights when the moon comes too close.
But I think it's time to really examine the original 1e Bard to realize just how truly bizarre that class was. And to remember- the original Bard was placed in an appendix, so that it could be removed.
Disclaimer- What if I want to play a 1e Bard?
Then you're a bad person. Just sit with that for a while. But if you're still okay with the void where your soul would be, I will recommend playing either the original single-class Bard (Strategic Review #6 by Schwegman) or the revised single-class Bard (Dragon #56 by Goelz).
TLDR; the 1e Bard was an uncommonly silly class, not just because it was a Bard, but because the rules were nonsensical in multiple ways. Following will be the ways in which the Bard doesn't make sense, or was written in a way that, at best, requires a lot of squinting in order for it to make sense. The following is based solely on the text of the 1e PHB.
1. The Half-Elf Problem
I detailed this before at length.
Here's a brief sketch of the problem. Bards are allowed to be human or half-elves. However, in order to be a bard, you have to start as a single-classed fighter, and then switch to a single-classed thief. In AD&D, you can either be a demihuman multiclassed character, or you can be a human "character with two classes" (hereafter, "TC"). The bard rules require you to follow the TC rules. And to use the TC rules, you have to be a human. So the bard is allowed to be a half-elf, but to be a bard you have to use the TC rules, and the TC rules are only allowed for ... humans.
2. The Weapon Planning Problem
This is more of a theoretical problem that can be avoided. But here's the deal. Bards, as a class, have their own weapons allowed. They are allowed to use the club, dagger, dart, javelin, sling, scimiter (sic, spelling in original), spear, staff, and sword (bastard, broad, long, and short). However, they are not allowed to use weapons with a penalty! Because they weren't included in that table. So ... this means that you have to plan ahead and have those weapons selected in your pre-planning. Now a Bard can vary from F5 to F7 (that means Fighter level 5 to 7), and from T6 to T8 (thief level 6-8, but see next section). Let's think about someone who wants to quickly become a Bard- F5/T6.
They have five weapon proficiencies from fighter (can be anything).
They have three from thief (limited).
Imagine that the person is an accidental bard. So as a fighter, they take Two-handed sword, Long Bow, Dagger, Halberd, and Medium Lance. (They like horsies).
When they switch to thief, they are thinking about being a bard. They can make up for the sword issue (and take long sword) ... but not the javelin, scimitar, spear, staff, or bastard sword. If those weapons weren't taken as a fighter, they are forever barred with no way to acquire or use them. And the other weapons gained as a fighter? Sorry.
If you're going to be a bard, you have to take the weapons that you're going to use as a bard, and not take any weapons that you won't end up being allowed.
3. What Level Thief Can You Be, Anyway
Bards begin play as fighters, and they must remain exclusively fighters until they have achieved at least the 5th level of experience. Any time thereafter, and in any event prior to attaining the 8th level, they must change their class to that of thieves. Again, sometime between 5th and 9th level of ability, bards must leave off thieving and begin clerical studies as druids{.}
So this is ... confusing. The fighter part is easier. You must get to at least F5. So you have to be at least a fifth level fighter. And you have to switch out of being a fighter "prior to attaining the 8th level," which means ... you have to make the switch at 7th level. Okay, so you can go from F5-F7. But now it gets more complicated.
You have to leave off thieving "between 5th and 9th level of ability{.}" Does that mean from T5-T9, or does that mean between those levels (T6-T8)? Well, I'd argue that this language sucks, but the meaning is T6-T8. Why? First, because it says between T5-T9, which is T6-T8. But there's a more important reason. To be a bard, you have to follow the TC rules ... unless, maybe, you're a half-elf. And the TC rules require that you gain a level in your new class that exceeds the level in your old class.
So what is the actual meaning of this rule? It means that you go to F5-F7, and then when you get to a level of thief that is at least one level above your prior level of fighter (T6-T8) you can then become a druid, because you have satisfied the TC requirements for being a Fighter / Thief.
Clear as an unmuddied river, that is.
4. Druidic Powers and Alignment
Bards can be LN, CN, NE, or NG, as well as neutral. Druids (the class that they are receiving tutelage in) can only be true neutral, and are the canonical example of how a class is gated by alignment. See, e.g., DMG 25- If a druid changes his or her alignment - that is, becomes other than neutral - then he or she is no longer a druid at all!
Okay, but you can say to yourself, "Self, the Bard is a special exception. After all, it just casts some druid spells. Like a ranger. Amirite?" But ... is that right?
The bard gains druidic powers as a druid of the same level, with the exception of druidic spells as explained below.
Wait, wut? What does this even mean? Most people (since, again, no one played the 1e bard as written) forgot about that little sentence. ALL UR DRUIDIC POWERS R BELONG TO BARDZ! Not just druidic languages and plant and animal identification and talkin', but shapshiftin' and immunity to charm and the rest of it to. ALL OF IT.
Except for the true neutral thing. Which bring us to ...
5. Magic Chainmail
Bards can wear magic chainmail. Druid can't wear metal armor. Why? Because "metallic armor spoils their magical powers" PHB 21. Just sayin'.
In addition, this is kind just thrown in there. But rule for TC characters has always been that you can't use class features when you don't abide by weapon and armor restrictions of the class whose abilities you are using. Thieves can't wear magic chainmail armor in the 1e PHB. So if a bard did, they couldn't use their thief abilities, which is strangely unmentioned. It feels like this was a tossed-in idea (the ol' elven chainmail) that wasn't fully thought out.
6. How Many Languages Does a Bard Know
In addition to all the other languages that Bard knows to begin with, the Bard gains languages as they level. If they get to the level cap of 23, they will pick up .... doublechecks.... triplechecks.... FIFTEEN ADDITIONAL LANGUAGES. ... except, they also gain the Druidic Abilities. And Druids also gain languages. So from that they would gain druidic and ... THIRTEEN more. 28 languages? Why not.
7. What is the Saving Throw for a Bard over 14th Level
A bard always makes a save on the most favorable table of either their prior fighter level, prior thief level, or current actual bard level ... as a druid. Except ... druids only go to11 14, while bards go to 23. So does a Bard have to stop at the "Clerics 13-15" table, or do they get to use the table for Clerics (Druids) of their actual level?
8. How Do the Bard's Charm and Lore Abilities Work?
This requires way too much unpacking. There's a table that provides a Charm Percentage for the Bard. Under the table, it says that this is the percentage ability for the Bard to successfully cast Charm Person (or Charm Monster) - the spells - using his music. In other words, the chance to cast the spells- the target(s) still get saves, etc. That ... okay, complicated, but it makes sense. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! There's a later whole description of the mechanics of this that have nothing to do with the spell and are completely different. Which one applies? No idea.
It's the same, in reverse, for the Bard's lore abilities. The description in the table is different than what is in the later text. They are similar, but use different mechanics. But both are the same ability.
I could keep going, but you get the idea. All joking aside, the reason that the 1e Bard doesn't work is because it's not ... good. It's a rushed design and it shows. It doesn't make sense. It was written poorly and it doesn't integrate into the other material. No one cross-checked basic things in the rules. It's a complete mess. If you somehow could make sense of the class and had a group that was willing to work with someone to go through all of this, the Bard is an insanely powerful class (depending on how some of the rules are read). But it's also a profoundly stupid one. If you're going to play a 1e Bard, skip the "official" one and play one of the alternate bards that I suggested above.
Well, Gygax did the exact same thing with the 1e PHB. He realized that lesser people with lesser verbiage would edit him on occasion. So Gygax deliberately put in a "joke class," the Bard, in the appendix. I mean, c'mon! You know it's a joke! It's not like any of the other classes, and you can't even start as a Bard. It doesn't make any sense within the rules and if you look at it for more than a half a second, you realize it can't work. Gygax put it in there to make sure that other people were paying attention- it was his way to ensure quality control.
But then it got published. Ugh. That's right ... worse than any Mountebank, we have the Bard. A class that quite literally is an anagram for "drab." And Brad, because Brad? Yeah, that guy always wants to play Bards, because of course he does. "Yeah, Brad, we get it. Freddie Mercury, the really fast Bard. Yes, you are so clever Brad. No one before has thought of that."
And so it goes. Poo-tee-weet. What is the modern Bard, anyway, other than a grab-bag of abilities, designed to annoy other players? "Look, my cantrip is insulting people! Time to dust off the yo mama jokes."
Of course you will find Bard defenders; the person who avows, "No, really, my Bard is cool! He's the Sally Field of Bards, you'll like him, you'll really really like him!"
Don't believe that for a second.
Bards represent that dark, venal and incurably violent side of D&D players that almost every other TTRPG has learned to fear and despise. Bards are D&D's answer to the monstrous Mr. Hyde. The Bard speaks for the werewolf in us; the bully, the predatory shyster who turns into something unspeakable, full of claws and bleeding string-warts on nights when the moon comes too close.
But I think it's time to really examine the original 1e Bard to realize just how truly bizarre that class was. And to remember- the original Bard was placed in an appendix, so that it could be removed.
Disclaimer- What if I want to play a 1e Bard?
Then you're a bad person. Just sit with that for a while. But if you're still okay with the void where your soul would be, I will recommend playing either the original single-class Bard (Strategic Review #6 by Schwegman) or the revised single-class Bard (Dragon #56 by Goelz).
TLDR; the 1e Bard was an uncommonly silly class, not just because it was a Bard, but because the rules were nonsensical in multiple ways. Following will be the ways in which the Bard doesn't make sense, or was written in a way that, at best, requires a lot of squinting in order for it to make sense. The following is based solely on the text of the 1e PHB.
1. The Half-Elf Problem
I detailed this before at length.
Here's a brief sketch of the problem. Bards are allowed to be human or half-elves. However, in order to be a bard, you have to start as a single-classed fighter, and then switch to a single-classed thief. In AD&D, you can either be a demihuman multiclassed character, or you can be a human "character with two classes" (hereafter, "TC"). The bard rules require you to follow the TC rules. And to use the TC rules, you have to be a human. So the bard is allowed to be a half-elf, but to be a bard you have to use the TC rules, and the TC rules are only allowed for ... humans.
2. The Weapon Planning Problem
This is more of a theoretical problem that can be avoided. But here's the deal. Bards, as a class, have their own weapons allowed. They are allowed to use the club, dagger, dart, javelin, sling, scimiter (sic, spelling in original), spear, staff, and sword (bastard, broad, long, and short). However, they are not allowed to use weapons with a penalty! Because they weren't included in that table. So ... this means that you have to plan ahead and have those weapons selected in your pre-planning. Now a Bard can vary from F5 to F7 (that means Fighter level 5 to 7), and from T6 to T8 (thief level 6-8, but see next section). Let's think about someone who wants to quickly become a Bard- F5/T6.
They have five weapon proficiencies from fighter (can be anything).
They have three from thief (limited).
Imagine that the person is an accidental bard. So as a fighter, they take Two-handed sword, Long Bow, Dagger, Halberd, and Medium Lance. (They like horsies).
When they switch to thief, they are thinking about being a bard. They can make up for the sword issue (and take long sword) ... but not the javelin, scimitar, spear, staff, or bastard sword. If those weapons weren't taken as a fighter, they are forever barred with no way to acquire or use them. And the other weapons gained as a fighter? Sorry.
If you're going to be a bard, you have to take the weapons that you're going to use as a bard, and not take any weapons that you won't end up being allowed.
3. What Level Thief Can You Be, Anyway
Bards begin play as fighters, and they must remain exclusively fighters until they have achieved at least the 5th level of experience. Any time thereafter, and in any event prior to attaining the 8th level, they must change their class to that of thieves. Again, sometime between 5th and 9th level of ability, bards must leave off thieving and begin clerical studies as druids{.}
So this is ... confusing. The fighter part is easier. You must get to at least F5. So you have to be at least a fifth level fighter. And you have to switch out of being a fighter "prior to attaining the 8th level," which means ... you have to make the switch at 7th level. Okay, so you can go from F5-F7. But now it gets more complicated.
You have to leave off thieving "between 5th and 9th level of ability{.}" Does that mean from T5-T9, or does that mean between those levels (T6-T8)? Well, I'd argue that this language sucks, but the meaning is T6-T8. Why? First, because it says between T5-T9, which is T6-T8. But there's a more important reason. To be a bard, you have to follow the TC rules ... unless, maybe, you're a half-elf. And the TC rules require that you gain a level in your new class that exceeds the level in your old class.
So what is the actual meaning of this rule? It means that you go to F5-F7, and then when you get to a level of thief that is at least one level above your prior level of fighter (T6-T8) you can then become a druid, because you have satisfied the TC requirements for being a Fighter / Thief.
Clear as an unmuddied river, that is.
4. Druidic Powers and Alignment
Bards can be LN, CN, NE, or NG, as well as neutral. Druids (the class that they are receiving tutelage in) can only be true neutral, and are the canonical example of how a class is gated by alignment. See, e.g., DMG 25- If a druid changes his or her alignment - that is, becomes other than neutral - then he or she is no longer a druid at all!
Okay, but you can say to yourself, "Self, the Bard is a special exception. After all, it just casts some druid spells. Like a ranger. Amirite?" But ... is that right?
The bard gains druidic powers as a druid of the same level, with the exception of druidic spells as explained below.
Wait, wut? What does this even mean? Most people (since, again, no one played the 1e bard as written) forgot about that little sentence. ALL UR DRUIDIC POWERS R BELONG TO BARDZ! Not just druidic languages and plant and animal identification and talkin', but shapshiftin' and immunity to charm and the rest of it to. ALL OF IT.
Except for the true neutral thing. Which bring us to ...
5. Magic Chainmail
Bards can wear magic chainmail. Druid can't wear metal armor. Why? Because "metallic armor spoils their magical powers" PHB 21. Just sayin'.
In addition, this is kind just thrown in there. But rule for TC characters has always been that you can't use class features when you don't abide by weapon and armor restrictions of the class whose abilities you are using. Thieves can't wear magic chainmail armor in the 1e PHB. So if a bard did, they couldn't use their thief abilities, which is strangely unmentioned. It feels like this was a tossed-in idea (the ol' elven chainmail) that wasn't fully thought out.
6. How Many Languages Does a Bard Know
In addition to all the other languages that Bard knows to begin with, the Bard gains languages as they level. If they get to the level cap of 23, they will pick up .... doublechecks.... triplechecks.... FIFTEEN ADDITIONAL LANGUAGES. ... except, they also gain the Druidic Abilities. And Druids also gain languages. So from that they would gain druidic and ... THIRTEEN more. 28 languages? Why not.
7. What is the Saving Throw for a Bard over 14th Level
A bard always makes a save on the most favorable table of either their prior fighter level, prior thief level, or current actual bard level ... as a druid. Except ... druids only go to
8. How Do the Bard's Charm and Lore Abilities Work?
This requires way too much unpacking. There's a table that provides a Charm Percentage for the Bard. Under the table, it says that this is the percentage ability for the Bard to successfully cast Charm Person (or Charm Monster) - the spells - using his music. In other words, the chance to cast the spells- the target(s) still get saves, etc. That ... okay, complicated, but it makes sense. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! There's a later whole description of the mechanics of this that have nothing to do with the spell and are completely different. Which one applies? No idea.
It's the same, in reverse, for the Bard's lore abilities. The description in the table is different than what is in the later text. They are similar, but use different mechanics. But both are the same ability.
I could keep going, but you get the idea. All joking aside, the reason that the 1e Bard doesn't work is because it's not ... good. It's a rushed design and it shows. It doesn't make sense. It was written poorly and it doesn't integrate into the other material. No one cross-checked basic things in the rules. It's a complete mess. If you somehow could make sense of the class and had a group that was willing to work with someone to go through all of this, the Bard is an insanely powerful class (depending on how some of the rules are read). But it's also a profoundly stupid one. If you're going to play a 1e Bard, skip the "official" one and play one of the alternate bards that I suggested above.
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