Tip about getting female gamers...

[BigFreekinGoblinoid]

I don't find women any harder to understand than men. Some women I know are very easy to understand, while some guys I've known for years still make me scratch my head in confusion.

Here wise Barsoomcore ( go to his site NOW if you have not before ) gets to the real gist of the matter.

I have had sucessful relationships with women in all aspects of life
including RPG's by treating them no different than I would a man.
( and some not -so -nice too, but read Barsoomcore's quote above -- c'est la vie ! )

Having a goal of adding females to the gaming table is NOT admirable. You must examine your goals/intentions for desiring
this. If you meet or know someone who is male OR female that you think would enjoy gaming, and you can establish a good rapport, then that is great!

When men stop treating women any differently, they feel more comfortable hanging with them, and this maturity is no doubt what has led more women to game in recent years.

PS -- While gaming I don't believe I have ever ( In or OOC ) quoted lines from movies I have enjoyed in the past. This is another one of those stereotypes that seems to never have found it's way into my game...

My advisors tell me that in order to avoid an unfavorable contract, I will no longer be refered to as BigFreekinGoblinoid. Please refer to me only as the following invisible symbol : from now
on, or "the poster known previously as BigFreekinGoblinoid"

 

[Buttercup]

I have had sucessful relationships with women in all aspects of life
including RPG's by treating them no different than I would a man.

Thank you. I'm delighted that many men these days realize that women aren't walking reproductive organs. I like being treated like I have a brain, with the same potential for ideas, interests and depth of understanding as, well, as any human being.

 

[the Jester]

Well, a good start to recruiting female gamers is to talk to girls. (Not all gamers understand this, especially those who are males that've never talked to a girl.)

 

[Umbran]

Generallizations may be useful when you are considering a group in aggregate. However, when you're talking about getting a person for your gaming table, you must consider that person as an individual, not merely as part of a group. Any presuppositions you have about women in general will have to be put aside when you have to deal with one woman, in particular.

 

[Arravis]

Umbran, that is true, but I know the reality of my gaming table and it's not that they enjoy or like the same exact thing, nor should they. It's definately "different but equal". My number one job as a DM is to entertain my players, everything else falls secondary in my opinion. The female gamers in my group do enjoy most of the things the male players in my group enjoy, but there are things they enjoy on their own, seperate from the male players. So I try to make sure everyone gets equal share of the "entertainment" points and no one gender gets more attention then the other and no one gender gets a game that's designed with their interest in mind (which I beleive D&D is somewhat).

I beleive it's naive to think that women and men like the same exact thing or that they are entertained in the same exact way. There's a flood of evidence out there that shows otherwise.

I never look down, mistreat, coddle, or give any special treatment to my female players. I treat each one as individuals and each individual is entertained in ther own way. There are gender patterns in this though. I find it much easier to entertain my male players cause I have a better understanding of what is entertaining for them, since my own life (and gender) is closers to theirs. I work hard to make sure I'm able to entertain my female players as well and to make sure they have a good game and they get what they are looking for out of my games. It's harder for me to do so since their life situation is different from mine (I'm male) and that's one of the reasons I often post some of my ideas for my games here, cause it allows me to get some input from that demographic.

In the end, all I'm trying to achieve is equal amounts of fun for every single player in my campaign. I want everyone to have their moment in the spotlight, I want everyone to feel special and like the hours I've DM'd wasn't time wasted.

So, no, I don't see my female players as walking reproductive organs anymore then I see my male players in that way. I see two groups of people that are entertained in slightly different ways and I find it a refreshing challenge to make sure that both are entertained.

I do think it's unrealistic that men (or women) aren't going to be attracted to women (or men) at the gaming table at some point. I do agree that those issues need to be left out of the game and don't really have a place there. I do not see anything wrong though with looking for a mate in a passtime you like. That's how you meet people. You like skydiving, go skydiving; when you do so, you might meet a skydiving mate and you can go skydiving together. Sounds perfectly natural to me, I don't see the problem.

 

[Ashtal]

I don't have breasts or a vagina, I don't produce large amounts of estrogen, I can't give birth or have all the social pressures and issues that women have. I can only guess at those things.

Weirdly enough:

...I don't select my toothpaste brand by the fact that I have breasts.
...I don't prefer real bacon to that crumbly crap you get on some pizzas because I have a vagina.
...I don't tend to pick out clothing that's blue, green or purple because my body produces estrogen.
...I don't drink Coke over Pepsi because I can give birth.

Women - and men - are SO MUCH MORE THAN THEIR REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS. My ovaries do not define who I am as a complete and individual human being, any more than your penis defines who you are as a human being. (Though I am glad to see that you've later come to say the same thing.)

It's best to come to the table, to the game, trying to understand how the INDIVIDUAL likes to be entertained. Don't guess what I'm gonna like based on the fact that I have boobs. I wouldn't do that to any woman, and I wouldn't do that to any man, either.

You won't know what I like, until you ask me.

 

[Umbran]

I beleive it's naive to think that women and men like the same exact thing or that they are entertained in the same exact way. There's a flood of evidence out there that shows otherwise.

I never look down, mistreat, coddle, or give any special treatment to my female players. I treat each one as individuals and each individual is entertained in ther own way. There are gender patterns in this though.

Note: My use of "you" in the following post is intended as "you-generic", not "you-Arravis-personally". I'm talking about general good policies for gamers to follow, not what Arravis should be doing.

It's naive to think that any two people like the same exact thing or that they are entertained in the same exact way.

My point isn't that gender-tendencies don't exist. For purposes of my point, their existance is irrelevant. If they exist, they are useful for those who have to deal with statistically relevant numbers of individuals. Corporate marketers might make use of such things. Governments might make use of such things.

However, when you get down to dealing with only a few people, their variance from the norm as individuals is highly likely to make adherance to gender-tendencies as your guideline foolhardy. If you approach a gamer more as "a woman" than "a person with their own individual likes and dislikes" not only do her a disservice, but you give yourself an uphill battle. You are likely to make false assumptions about what they will or won't like, and have to disabuse yourself of preconcieved notions, which can be difficult.

Rather than seeing your gamers as two groups who like different things, you could look at them as a collection of X individuals, each with their own preferences. Unless your gaming table is so large that you cannot remember who is who, there's no reason to group them.

It's simple, really - don't use stereotypes when you can use information about the individual instead. If you don't have the information (because you don't know them), you can find out by *gasp* having a conversation with them! Wow - not only can you avoid the hazards of using gender stereotypes, but you have a specific thing with which you can start a conversation with a female! Heavens to Betsy, isn't that keen?

 

[William Ronald]

I make an effort to avoid stereotypes in portraying creatures and persons in my campaign, as well in dealing with players and potential players.

I have seen men play characters who loved to negotiate and women who played characters with a true love of combat. I have seen good gamers who were half my age, and gamers older than I am who seemed to have very little skill as a player. (Conversely, one of the best role players in my group at one time was an older women. Excellent role player. Sadly, she passed away a few years ago.)

It is perhaps best to treat everyone at the gaming table as an individual. Individuals can be quirky, and surprise you. Most people I know prefer to be treated as individuals as opposed to members of a group who are "supposed to " have certain characteristics.

 

[Arravis]

Lol, guys, I'm not some desperate guy that too scared to talk to girls. These are my friends, I do talk to them without any problems. I have a great relationship with them, I communicate with them, I ask them what they want, etc. People often don't know what they want to be honest, they just want a fun game. The women in my games aren't experienced players, they haven't been playing for years. They don't know how yet fully communicate all that they want out of an RP game. I listen to their ideas, desires, ambitions, etc and I incorporate those things in my game.

If I saw that my "ideas" on this weren't working, if I saw that my players weren't having fun, then I wouldn't do that; but, they are having fun. I'm providing what the players are asking for. Anytime we pass by a shop, the girls want to stop and see what they have. Should I ignore that cause it falls into the stereotype that girls like to shop?

Since they do that, I try to plan ahead so when they say "I look around the furniture shop, what do they have?", I'll have a good answer. It's one of the things that entertains them, that the guys in my group don't care about. Should that be ignored? Should I pretend to think otherwise?

 

[Umbran]

Anytime we pass by a shop, the girls want to stop and see what they have. Should I ignore that cause it falls into the stereotype that girls like to shop?

Since they do that, I try to plan ahead so when they say "I look around the furniture shop, what do they have?", I'll have a good answer. It's one of the things that entertains them, that the guys in my group don't care about. Should that be ignored? Should I pretend to think otherwise?

Nobody is saying that you shouldn't remember that Sue, Wanda, and Jane like to shop. I (and I think others) are trying to say that you shouldn't generalize that to "The women like to shop". The generalization is unnecessary, and can be troublesome.

Simply put, the fact that the stereotype exists shouldn't enter into it. You don't forget what the players want because the stereotype exists. But you don't remember it because the stereotype exists, either. You remember it because that's what the individuals want.