Imaculata
Hero
One of the worst recent examples I know of of boxed text, is in Lost Mine of Phandelver at the Redbrand Hideout. The boxed text for the Cellar reads:
So, there's a LOT of problems with this boxed text, and it is a prime example of the sorts of things that often go wrong when boxed text is provided in a module.
-First of all, the boxed text poorly describes what the room actually look like. If you were to try and sketch this room, based purely on this description, you wouldn't even get close.
-Second, the boxed text presumes that the players know what a cistern is. I know what it is, but I would not expect a lot of people to know. Especially if they are not native English speakers.
-Third, the boxed text presumes the players know what north is. Upon first entering the space, the door would most likely be to the right of the players.
-Fourth, the boxed text neglects to mention a third door, which is most definitely there on the map.
-Fifth, there is no foreshadowing of the secret door that is there at all. And that is really something that I would personally include as a DM.
The door opens onto a five-foot-wide landing fifteen feet above a large cellar, with stone steps descending to the floor in two short flights. Another door stands beneath the stairs to the north. A large stone cistern occupies the western part of the room, whose walls are lined with kegs and barrels.
So, there's a LOT of problems with this boxed text, and it is a prime example of the sorts of things that often go wrong when boxed text is provided in a module.
-First of all, the boxed text poorly describes what the room actually look like. If you were to try and sketch this room, based purely on this description, you wouldn't even get close.
-Second, the boxed text presumes that the players know what a cistern is. I know what it is, but I would not expect a lot of people to know. Especially if they are not native English speakers.
-Third, the boxed text presumes the players know what north is. Upon first entering the space, the door would most likely be to the right of the players.
-Fourth, the boxed text neglects to mention a third door, which is most definitely there on the map.
-Fifth, there is no foreshadowing of the secret door that is there at all. And that is really something that I would personally include as a DM.
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