Top 20 Things Not to Say to a Dragon

[Caliban]

From: http://www.webrpg.com/survey/results18.phtml

Whoops! Was that YOUR egg I stepped on? -- Joe Wahler

My party and i were exploring a cave in mount Kilbaand i was laeding
them with my lantern. We turned a corner deep within and came face to
face with a dragon. We all failed our shock tests and in a stroke of
bad luck the lantern went out. in the darkness i asked 'anybody got a
light ?' and was promtly roasted. -- ldtl

your mamma was a flame thrower! -- shroomaster

After the dragon comes home to find her egg shells broken and
destroyed, and finding a thief standing next to them, it is not wise
to say "Mama"! They are smarter then that (actually happened) -- Ryno

"Why of course these are dragonskin pants!" -- Andrew Kanuch

Open up and say ah! -- Michael Lieberman

Pull my finger. -- Cornholio

So, is that a knight in your pocket or are you just glad to see
me??? -- Leon Qubick

10. Smoking thieves can be hazardous to your health.
9. Of course these are faux-dragonskin boots.
8. Are you huge or ancient?
7. Ahhh, bite me!
6. Wait! My potion vs. dragon breath is still in my backpack!
5. And my oh my, what big teeth you have grandma.
4. You can't see invisible, can you?
3. Why yes, I am a virgin.
2. I disbelieve!
1. WAKE UP!!! -- Bob Smith

"Me? Wear dragon scale armour? Oh no, don't worry, I never touch the
stuff! I mean, it smells simply dreadfull...!" -- Velvet Widael

When you meet a dragon in FASA's Shadowrun it is NOT a good idea to
bring along the party wisecracker. The group forgot to leave my
burned-out mage behind. We enter the dragon's "office" and the first
thing that happens is my charater saying, "You know, wrinkle cream
might get rid of your scaly-skin problem." We had to make new
characters. -- Strutinan

As the dragon begins to swallow you whole, you say: "I hope I give
you fatal heartburn!" -- Whitewind

"You don't mind if I go through your horde, do you?" -- Chris
Walbroel

"what a big teeth you have..." -- alon

So you're like, evolved from a lizard, right? -- CeeChan

"Don't worry about the dragon, I am 99% resistant to fire" -- Nick
Watts

"Hi, I'm Arvath Wyrmkiller and your name is?" -- Kevin Butler

When was the last time you had a Really GOOD meal? -- Scott
Richardson

After he has killed your party shout, "Still Hungry?" -- Henri

This quote brought to you by Stupid Player's Association of AD&D.
"Aw c'mon. How tough do you think a dragon THAT old is? What's he
gonna do, hit me with his walker?" -- Sir Longshot

 

[Sodalis]

beautiful, simply beautiful

 

[Wolfspider]

Things not to say to or about a dragon in my campaign:

"Oh, you're not so tough! I think I'm going to polymorph you into a worm. I've heard that strategy works pretty well, especially because dragons don't realize that wizards are a threat...."

"Don't worry! We should be able to kill the dragon quite easily...we'll just sneak up it while it asleep...."

"Bah! Attacking a dragon in its lair will be a snap! They never have any smart defenses set up...."

"I engage the dragon in melee combat. After all, it certainly doesn't know how to use its many attacks and abilities to the fullest effect, and it will certainly fight me to the death without retreating...."

"Bah! It's just a 10-year old dragon! Why should I worry about it? After all, ten year old humans aren't very formidable or smart or experienced. Think about ten year old grizzly bears--why, they're barely wet-behind-the-ears about hunting and fighting. This dragon--a pushover!"

Yes, I'm bitter.

(Yeah, I know they're not funny. They're not meant to be. After all, I have An Agenda to take care of. I don't have time for humor.)

 

[The Sunderer]

As I suspected a Fallen Metallic Dragon...

Meet my trusty Rust Gull* Sucker!


Do I get extra points for the cross post reference?

 

[Sayburr]

Things not to say to or about a dragon in my campaign:
"Don't worry! We should be able to kill the dragon quite easily...we'll just sneak up on while its asleep...."

OH, I thought this was quite funny. Guess I need to add to my sig that I was B.A.D.D.

 

[Hattersai]

To a Silver Dragon wo casts Detect Thoughts never think
"I like Pie."
Esp if you are a Black Robe in DL who just went crazy with a Wand of Enlargement.

 

[Marius Delphus]

Dumb things said to/about dragons in games I've been involved in:

Within earshot of a mated pair/parents: "I wonder what we'll make out of *this* hatchling's skin; boots and armor are already spoken for, right?"

While flying: "Oh, well it's only a *white* dragon; no problem."

To a 2E Great Wyrm Fang Dragon: "What kind of stupid dragon are you?"

Same dragon: "I jump on its back and whack it a bit with my club; it can't have *that* many hit points left." [Me!]

Different dragon: "Well, if we all roll the right initiative, we can take care of him, no problem."

And one other: "COWARD!!"

 

[Ridley's Cohort]

"Daddy needs a new pair of boots!"

"Nice horde...wouldn't want anything to happen to it."

"I know you can only breathe fire 3 times per day and you have used up your quota."

"Hah! you worthless green dragon. I am fully protected from your acid breathe!!"

"Try finding me in total darkness, stupid worm!"

 

[Holy Bovine]

Yes, I'm bitter.

(Yeah, I know they're not funny. They're not meant to be. After all, I have An Agenda to take care of. I don't have time for humor.)

Aw come on there's always time for humour!

Just for clarification - why do you care how people use dragons is their campaigns?

I mean I agree that dragons are often played pretty dumbly and the PCs in my games are terrified of ever meeting another dragon (their first (and only) encounter was with a hatchling Silver and her irrate mother) but I couldn't be bothered worrying about Joe Scmoe's campaign in Buttlick, Anywhere where dragons are killed by 1st level commoners with a herring.

Is it just about control or something else - I feel like I'm missing something here. I am NOT trying to insult you ar belittle you're opinions I just want to know why.

 

[Wolfspider]

Oh, I don't stay up at night worrying that DMs aren't playing dragons correctly or anything. I just like dragons. I've grown up on a diet of Tolkien's dragons, which were very smart and terrifying (but not invincible). I also think that dragons, since they are the title of the game, should make an impression. "Oh, another red dragon... now I can get a pair of boots to match my armor" is not the kind of response I want to see.

Plus, it's rather fun to have an agenda and work toward a goal. The ID of Wolfspider is a persona, after all, even if it is very close to my own true self. I just decided recently that Wolfspider will be very Bothered About Disposable Dragons.