Vaginas are Magic
Vaginas are Magic
Lamentations of the Flame Princess
Undead: Raise the Dead spell.
Storming Through Red Clouds and Holocaustwinds spell miscast.
Undead Wizard: Raise the Dead spell.
Undead Dead God: Raise the Dead spell.
RAISE THE DEAD
While Biblical scholars have determined that the Earth is about 6000 years old, mystic explorers guess the world may be much older, perhaps as much as three or four times older than that! That’s a lot of time for a lot of humans to live and die. Hordes of the dead in less civilized times were never
properly buried, and many of the graves of those who were have no markers. We tread on the dead with every step.
Raise the Dead allows the caster to animate a number of these ancient dead, 1d6 of them per level of the caster, with the dimmest semblance of cohesion, motor function, and awareness. With all reason and natural instinct rotted away, all that is left is the primal need to kill and devour the living, though sustenance does these things no good.
The creatures will pop up out of the ground, including the walls, or the ceiling, if this is more appropriate, within a 50’ radius of the caster, fairly evenly distributed. If the caster is inside a structure, understand they will pop out of the ground, not the floor, and the distinction is important. If there is no ground within this area, the spell has no effect.
These creatures are not in any way under the caster’s control, although they will not harm the caster in any way, or even acknowledge her if there are other living beings nearby to attract their attention. If there are no such other beings, the dead will congregate around the caster, and often mimic her actions.
The creatures are Armor 12, Move 60’, 1 Hit Die, 1 rending and biting attack doing 1d6 damage, Morale 12. Because they cannot feel pain, the lower half of any damage roll has no effect. For example, if a weapon does 1d4 damage, a 1 or 2 result does no damage; with 1d8 damage, a 1–4 result does no damage; and so on.
W
MISCAST TABLE (1D12)
1. The undead are all very angry with the caster, and will move to rip her apart to the exclusion of all other activities before settling back to their rest.
2. Ten times the amount of undead are raised.
3. All of the undead retain their intellect and full memories of their former lives (assume corpses this close to the surface will be 1d100x1d4 years old), and will behave accordingly.
4. Every living creature in a 10’ x level of caster area, centered on but not including the caster, turns undead. Basically, they are dead but still retain consciousness and motor function, but do not need to breathe, eat, etc. They also never heal.
5. Only one undead creature is raised. It is the corpse of a wizard, level 1d6 + 1d12, who will rise with a full spell complement, full memories and intellect, free will and autonomy, and a bad, bad attitude.
6. A Dead God is raised. It will wreak havoc on all, without bounds. Armor 25, Move 150’, 150 Hit Dice, one sweeping attack per round doing 1d4 instigators worth of damage, Morale 12.
7+. Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.
STORMING THROUGH RED CLOUDS AND HOLOCAUSTWINDS
Humans are tribal creatures, that much is plain. What is perhaps more shocking is the ease in which a human’s tribal identification can be manipulated. Storming Through Red Clouds and Holocaustwinds creates a barely perceptible red mist cloud, the consistency perhaps of the edges of spurting blood,
which touches the perception of everyone it envelops. The mist originates at a point up to 20’ per caster level away, and covers a space of radius 10’ per caster level.
Everyone in the mist must save versus Magic. Those succeed retain themselves. Those who fail become territorial, paranoid, xenophobic, and bestial in thought. They will attack anyone within sight as fiercely as possible, in this order:
Whoever is within immediate striking distance
Whoever has been touched by the mist but is not affected by it
Whoever has been touched by the mist and was affected by it
Whoever is closest.
The cloud travels 120’ per round directly away from the caster, and persists for one round per caster level. After failing a saving throw, effects last (caster level)d6 rounds, persisting for this duration even if the mist itself has dissipated.
When the spell ends, the cloud does not entirely disappear. It is diluted in the greater atmosphere to the point that it is no longer effective. But every time the spell is cast, additional red cloud particles saturate the atmosphere. How long until the very air we breathe will become hostile to human cooperation and civilization?
H
MISCAST TABLE (1D12)
1. Anyone killed in the cloud will rise as undead, seeking revenge on the caster.
2. The cloud does not affect anyone in it, but the caster will go berserk.
3. The cloud will have no immediate effect on anyone in it, but each person exposed to the cloud will go berserk in 1d12 hours, mindlessly attacking anyone nearby.
4. The cloud’s effect on those exposed to it are permanent, although victims will only be berserk towards others affected by the cloud. As each such victim dies, the remaining survivors each gain a +1 to their Attack Bonus and +1 to their maximum hit points.
5. Everyone in the cloud gains 1d8 hit points and a preternatural sense about other people: they can always know when a particular person is thinking about them.
6. All affected by the cloud clump together to form a Constructicon-style superbeast that has the combined Hit Dice of its constituents (treat 0 level characters as ½ Hit Dice for this purpose) with the resulting hit point and Attack Bonus advantages. It smashes for 1d6 damage per 10 human-sized members or fraction thereof.
7+. Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.
MISCAST TABLE
ROLL 1D12 TO DETERMINE THE EFFECT OF A MISCAST SPELL
1-6. Effect custom to the specific spell.See the spell description for details.
7. An extradimensional entity has slipped into this reality through a hole created by the casting attempt. Treat as if the Summon spell has been cast, with the creature having Hit Dice equal to the level of the spell originally attempted +1d4. The creature is automatically out of control.
8. An entirely different spell has been cast. Randomly determine what spell was cast from the campaign spell list (reroll if the intended spell comes up) with a 1d10 effective caster level. If the spell requires a specific target or target area, determine this randomly.
9. Uncontrolled extradimensional radiation floods an area equal to the intended spell level x 20’ radius. Every biological creature of at least one Hit Die (except the caster) suffers 1d6 damage. The sum of the damage done is pooled together, and this pool of damage heals the caster up to maximum hit points, but all remaining damage beyond that is subtracted back from the caster’s hit points.
10. The misappropriation of magical energy causes time to slide ahead:
If play is in “slow time” (wilderness exploration, staying put in a particular location for healing or research purposes, or any such gameplay where time passes at a great rate), then 1d6 days for every spell level passes instantly. All characters within 20’ staying in the same place the entire time. Any environmental effects of the character being in that spot unmoving for that many days are instantly applied (for instance, if they are in an unforgiving tundra, they will suffer the results of 1d6 days of cold exposure). The characters are then affected as if they have not eaten or slept in that entire time.
If play is in “medium time” (such as dungeon exploration or any game play where time is measured in 10 minute turns), then 1d6 turns per spell level pass instantly. All characters within 20’ stay in the same place the entire time. Light sources are expended, encounter checks are made, and any effect of the characters being in that spot unmoving for that period of time are instantly applied.
If play is in “fast time” (such as combat or any game play where time is measured in six-second rounds), every biological being within 20’, including the caster, rolls 1d6 per spell level, and is effectively paralyzed for that many rounds.
11. Odd and alien light floods a 100’ area, destructive and harmful to physical life, but so strange that biological bodies don’t know the proper response to the harm suffered. Bodies therefore guess at how they are supposed to respond to the malignant force, deciding to “remember” the last damage suffered and recreate that to express the harm caused by the light. Every character within the area re-suffers the last damage inflicted upon them. If the specific damage suffered cannot be remembered, then surely the foe that caused it can be; assume maximum damage was suffered. If even that cannot be remembered, the character suffers 1d20 points of damage. If a character has never before suffered hit point damage and is subject to this effect, it does no damage and instead doubles their maximum (and current) hit point amount.
12. Microscopic organisms floating in the air are engorged with strange energies, growing large enough to be seen and emitting glowing hues. They pass through all matter freely and devour all perishables (food, oil, torches, ammunition, gunpowder, basically any item individually accounted for and expended in a character’s inventory, money and other such valuables excepted) within a 10’ per spell level radius.
