Critical commentary is a bit more than "IT DOESN'T WORK!" friend.
I can't speak for others, but I think my previous post went into rather-longer-than-absolutely-necessary detail about my concerns (and, for all its wordiness, it did not even touch on a few problems that other people have brought up). If you are now implying that, to give good constructive critical commentary, I should do Mike's job and re-write the whole thing, based on those thoughts... Well, I guess that would be
constructive, but I'm not sure it would be worth my while, given that I'm dubious about any version of the revenant working as a PC race in a typical
D&D game, for all of the reasons that I (and others) have already discussed. I'm not pretending that I don't like the idea - I actually do, quite a bit, or I wouldn't be involved in this conversation - but, without stricter conditions on the creation of a revenant, it is simply asking for trouble, in a typical campaign, even if some of the balance issues and other problems are addressed.
Having said that, the tinker in me can't ignore it completely. Here are some
constructive thoughts:
1) Ditch the subrace replacement. I liked the mechanic, when I first saw it, and thought it would be handy for other later additions, as well. But, on further thought, I realized that, for the balance reasons I already discussed in great detail, it simply won't work in 5th. The race-to-subrace power ratio is all over the map, for the various races, and some don't have a subrace, at all. Surely, no one really thinks that a human giving up four ability score points (or a variant human giving up a feat and a skill) is equivalent to a rock gnome giving up
Artificer's Lore (ugh...) and
Tinker (more ugh...)...? Just skip the subrace thing. Instead, go for more of a template kind of deal,
a la vampires (see
MM, pages 295-298).
2) I think it might be possible to balance this (at least somewhat), as a sort of template, along the lines of:
Pros: Doesn't need to eat, drink, breath or sleep. Usual undead immunities. Regeneration and rejuvenation, as described. Technically, revenants are supposed to have
Vengeful Glare, as well.
Cons: Can't be healed by divine magic (might even be injured by it) or normal healing methods. Can be turned and affected by anti-undead magic (Note that even a simple
Protection from Evil and Good should work on revenants. Also, note that the Crow was once controlled by a nasty sorcerer who discovered a ritual to manipulate revenants. Heh, heh, heh...). Can't blend well in normal society, physically or mentally (probably, doesn't even want to, most of the time). Possibly has one or more normal traits "overwritten" by
"Compulsive need for revenge - literally, cannot survive without it." Possible tracking system that encourages players to stick to their agenda. Just-off-the-top-of-my-head notions: A Resolve score that drops if you ignore your goal, causing you to "fade away" if it hits zero. Maybe, a sort of Humanity score that drops as you get nastier, causing you to become a standard utterly-obsessed revenant NPC, if it hits zero. (Okay. Admittedly, this might be all a bit too complex and
World of Darkness-y... But, hey, if the shoe fits...)
Frankly, I'm not sure if this would all balance out, and, even if it did, it would probably still be too volatile for low level characters. If the latter is a problem, put some sort of level limit on revenant creation (low level characters don't have enough cosmic significance - or life force or karma or whatever - to cheat death, in this manner).
3) Make it clear how one becomes a revenant and make sure that it cannot happen to just anyone, so that they don't "pile up" in a high-mortality campaign. Perhaps, a level limit, as discussed above. Perhaps, a Charisma limit (which has the side-benefit of making Charisma just a tiny bit less tempting as a dump stat). And/or a Wisdom limit, since that represents willpower, in
D&D. Definitely, make the in-game conditions strict, i.e. the revenant must have a clear goal, which it can actually achieve. Specify what happens if the goal is no longer achievable (presumably, the revenant moves on to the afterlife, as indicated in the
MM). Note that the
MM states,
"A revenant forms from the soul of a mortal who met a cruel and undeserving fate" (I assume they meant "undeserved" rather than "undeserving" but whatever). I doubt that dying while killing a monster to steal its loot qualifies. And don't forget that, as per the
MM, the revenant has only one year to achieve its goal. (Everybody seems to have forgotten that one.)
It's a start, anyway.
BTW, I just have to ask: Do you really think that it is constructive to add nothing substantial to a conversation but simply toss in occasional sarcastic one-liners, like,
"are you just going to sit there screaming your head off about it?" If so, I have some more constructive (if cliched) criticism for you: you can attract more flies with honey than vinegar. And, by extension, you can attract more civil discussion by being civil, yourself.
