[Update] My girlfriend is not breaking up with me

[Angcuru]

From what I've seen observing my friends' relationships, the best way to go is to do what makes you happy. Fie on what everyone else thinks. You're the one in the relationship, not them.

 

[Hypersmurf]

I told her that's all fine and dandy, but I couldn't turn off my feelings like a faucet; I couldn't make myself not love her anymore. Her response was "You'll just have to try."

Oh, yeah, know that one.

I've found that trying to 'maintain the friendship' is... ill-advised. It probably won't stop me doing it again in future, but I've found myself that the only way to even begin to heal is to just stay the hell away from her.

"I hope we can still be friends?"
"Sorry... it doesn't work like that. Have a nice life... and by the way, I'll be training at another club now."

-Hyp.

 

[Treebore]

TW is largely right, but what needs to be mentioned is you need to find a mature women who realizes it isn't all about just them, but it is all about the two of you. If the two of you are hoping to make it then you better learn to talk, talk honestly, talk often, be able to yell and scream at each other, and talk some more. For a relationship to work you have to be committed to not giving up and making it work. But you also have to have the maturity/insight to realize if it really can't work. When you learn to take care of each other so that you don't have to worry about taking care of yourselves, then your getting somewhere.

 

[Pielorinho]

At its best, a relationship has to be a true emotional partnership between two people, and you should always put the happiness of the other person front and center, but in the end you have to look out for your own emotions too.

I totally agree with this. What I can't agree with is that, no matter how small the part, no matter how insignificant the role, there's ever been any character on Seinfeld worth emulating. Especially in relationships.

Sure, be in control of your own destiny. But if your sweetie has concluded that things aren't going to work out, you aren't in control of that part of your destiny. Pre-emptive breakups, the Costanza philosophy, is comedy precisely because it's so obviously not the philosophy of someone in control.

I hope things go well for you, ForceUser; that sounds like a no-good conversation to have to have. If it's over, I hope the wound can cauterize quickly, so that you can move on through life.

Daniel

 

[Tarrasque Wrangler]

Look, I don't really take relationship advice from George Costanza, any more than I think In the Company of Men was a how-to guide. That was a (perhaps feeble) attempt at exaggeration-as-humor.

I just reject this notion that we, as men, should have no say in how a relationship operates. That for some reason women are cannier about these things, so we should just let them call the shots. I call BS to that. From my experience, women are just as screwed-up, neurotic and unsure of themselves as men. There's no hidden insight or "women's intuition". Boys, they are as lost as we are.

And if this whole relationship is ending and there isn't money involved, a new lover involved, abuse, or a knock-down dragout argument, then it's a fairly wanky thing for her to do, and you're frankly better off with someone more mature.

 

[Knightfall]

I have been suspecting that something was wrong for several days as her communication went from loving to perfunctory. Last night, in an email, she confirmed my suspicion - when she returned, we needed to have a talk. I love my girlfriend. I'm frightened.

Hmm, I feel for you ForceUser. It sounds like you care about her a lot. If it happens, there is nothing anyone can say or do to make the pain go away. Only you, and time, can heal that broken heart. And time doesn't always heal the pain.

Sometimes, love sucks, and it stays with you. :\

Suck it up, either that, or get drunk.

KF72

 

[frankthedm]

"I hope we can still be friends?"
"Sorry... it doesn't work like that. Have a nice life..."

-Hyp.

Yep!

 

[Glak]

Go to askmen.com and read all of the articles by Doc Love. You will learn everything that there is to know about women.

There are three kind of men:

Nice
Jerk
Mysterious

Women want Mysterious but will settle for Jerks. They will not tolerate Nice for long. You have to go from Nice to Mysterious. Also once a girl gives you second thoughts you HAVE to dump her. If she needs space you must never talk to her again. The problem with this though... it that it will make her want you more than ever. So actually consider using some reverse pychology: Cry a lot and tell her that you need her and beg like a sissy. That will drive her away.

Oh and the last rule: never take advice on women from women. The true nature of women is that they want what they can't have, or at least have to work for really hard. Now there are decent girls out there but if they knew the truth about their own nature, well that would require a couple sanity checks. To keep from being destroyed by Cthulian maddness they do not know their true nature.

The above post is 100% true but you don't have to believe me. It is all in your hands now. I have done my part for my fellow man.

 

[KenM]

There is a girl I'm very interested in and good friends with. One night we shared a passionate kiss. She seemed to like it as much as I did. The next day she tells me. "Ken, I know I kissed you on the mouth, but I did not mean it like that." Those were her exact words. WTF??? How do you mean it when you kiss someone on the mouth? I wanted to ask her.
Women. I feel for you, Force User.

 

[Heretic Apostate]

There is a girl I'm very interested in and good friends with. One night we shared a passionate kiss. She seemed to like it as much as I did. The next day she tells me. "Ken, I know I kissed you on the mouth, but I did not mean it like that."

This type of thing has come up before--maybe not on EN World, but I've seen it discussed.

Women will make out because they want to thank you, or because they need the ego boost, or because they just feel like it at the time. It doesn't necessarily mean what it means to you.

The trouble is that humans are emotionally insane. Both men and women. We're completely isolated emotionally, but we fool ourselves into thinking we've "made a connection." Nope. We've no proof that other people exist, and it's too easy to treat other people as props in the play that is our lives.

People are nuts. Plain and simple.